Vent-MIL here after baby is born

la79al

I just need to vent about this.  I don't mind my ILs.  My FIL is my favorite of the 2.  He's very blunt and fun to hang out with.  He tries to be a cool grandpa to our girls.  MIL is not fun.  She sits on the couch and watches TV and that's pretty much it.  Seriously, DD1s first birthday party, she only exited the house (it was an outside party) to come out for a plate of food, that she took back inside to get back to her show.  They recently moved several states away and it looks like we won't be seeing them very often.  Somehow, MIL is coming for a week+ after the baby is born.  They're scheduling around some other stuff they have to do in the area so I think she will be here the 3rd week after my EDD.  I am so dreading it. She needs to have a TV available to her at all times so I have to rip the kids playroom apart and move a bed in there for her.  I seriously question how much help she is going to be.  She seems excited at the idea, DH is thrilled at the idea.  I feel like it is tons more work for me and more stress.  We never have overnight guests and our house is very small and 'lived in'.  She should be getting here right around DD1s last day of school so both girls will be here all day, adjusting to a new baby and a new schedule and each other 24/7, probably not on their best behavior.  The thought of her staying here just really makes me want to cry.  And I can't get out of it.  And she'll probably be here for more than a week because I think she is flying home and she won't fly alone so I think she is waiting for my stepdaughter to get out of school which will be mid June.  Waaaah.  Thanks for letting me vent at least. I guess at this point I can at least start collecting freezer meal recipes since the last time she was here, she didn't know how to make the coffee she wanted to drink.

Lauracox3

This vent would be best on this thread that was already started very recently:

Re: Is anyone interested in a weekly inlaw/family vent thread?

FreddyisReady

I would bust DH's bubble. Sorry, not sorry, but Hell NO to your mother coming. You need time to rest and recuperate, not enertain and wait on house guests.

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Snapdragon750

I have a way out of it: Tell her she's welcome to stay in a bedroom like a normal person, but you are not ruining your kids' playroom just when they'll need it the most so that she can have a TV 24/7.  Guarantee you she won't come.

laur1020

I would tell your DH that his mother probably won't be any help at all. Sounds like she wants a vacation. I told my DH that I do not want any house guests for a while after baby is born. The only 2 people who are allowed are my mom and sister because they would actually help me around the house. Sorry you're in this situation. It sounds like your MIL is hard to deal with.

spree1213

I go to my mother inlaws house she snatches my son out of my hands and always goes out of her way to leave the room with him even if she's cooking and when I go with them she will leave that room too wtf!! So annoying that's one amongst many other things she does that annoys me with this second baby I know there will be even more to come!!

LO95

Here's your problem: "DH is thrilled at the idea" 

Until you guys are on the same page I have a feeling you're going to continue to feel miserable about it.  Speaking from in-law experience. 

tashad18

I would not tear your house apart to accommodate her "I need a t.v.at all times" behavior.  If she is coming to stay in your house so soon after you having a baby, she should be there to help out, not to watch t.v.

lgsdesigner

I’m sorry—who’s having a baby? You are.

Who has to go through painful labor and recovery AND sleepless nights? Again—you.

Your life does not revolve around your MIL. Although she is family, you need to step up, talk to your DH and say:

“Your mother is more than welcome to stay. That being said—she can sleep on the couch or in a bedroom. We will not rearrange our lives for anyone, and especially not for someone that wants us to accommodate them when I JUST delivered a baby. She can bring an iPad or some other device to watch Netflix on, or stay away from the tv to ‘help’ as she was originally supposed to be here for.”

la79al

See, my mom came for a week when each of the girls were born so I feel like it is fair for MIL to have a turn too (after my mom, if she ends up coming for a week).  Telling DH no is not really an option.  Sadly, we don't have an extra bedroom we can stick her in, we are already sticking the crib in the bedroom with the 14 year old.  I guess the other option would be an air mattress in the living room, maybe a bed that has to be moved during the day will encourage her to actually help out.  I think maybe if I put her on 'entertain the bigger kids' duty, she will fall out of love with the idea of staying a week and cut her visit short.  I just have a feeling like by week 3, my house will be a disaster, my kids will be a disaster and I will just be ready to settle into a new normal, not try to work around MIL.  I'm going to talk to DH, maybe I can gently persuade him that I really don't need her 'help'.  

a316b

@la79al‌ - couch or air mattress sounds the way to go. Tell her she can sleep on your older 2s floor maybe? As your life will be super uncomfortable during her visit, I feel she needs to share some of that discomfort. And especially not have a princess suite with TV made up for her.

Someone above also suggested having DH stay home to help- I agree, if he's got some days off saved up, this is the time.

We have no guest room either- and my MIL won't stay with us because i won't give up my bed for her. (Yes, during this and my last pregnancy, she wanted me to sleep on the couch so she could sleep in my bed. Not a winner.) i flat out refused, and she stays at her friends house or drives home.

Ballet80

Just tell her you will not have a tv for her to watch, then she will probably change her mind. I mean if she is coming to help with the baby, why does she need her own personal TV at all times. Tell her your kids will be out of school and they need to TV to keep them busy while you are dealing with the new baby. She will probably change her mind when it doesn't sound so appealing.

Lezzie82

This always happens with one certain relative that thinks somehow you having a baby is really all about them. You gotta make a choice. You can risk pissing her off and be at peace or you can put up with her bull shit and try to ignore it somehow.

Good luck mama.