It's ok to be ok, right?

Feegan

Today would have been the EDD of our loss. I'm feeling so conflicted because I have literally dreaded this day for the last seven months, but now that I'm finally pregnant again I'm not near as sad as I thought I would be. The pain of our loss consumed me for months but it's also helped me treasure every moment of this pregnancy so far, in a way I was never able to last time because something was off from the very beginning. I plan to light a special candle in honor of our loss tonight and take a few quiet moments, but I guess I just wanted to know if any of you felt this way when your loss EDD rolled around while pregnant?

SpartyKim

I have only passed one of my loss EDDs and like you, I was pg when it rolled around.  I spent about 4 months in depression after the loss because DH was deployed so I had already done my grieving.  

Two more losses this year that had EDDs in Mar & July next yr but I'm pg again so already feeling better but I still remember them and think about where I would be in those pregnancies.

littlecookie

I had an EDD yesterday. I thought about it a lot last week as a few friends I was TTC with had their babies. I got a little sad on Thanksgiving, but I realized this morning that somehow it didn't cross my mind yesterday. I was actually grateful. I said a little prayer when I thought about baby this morning, but feel relieved that I wasn't consumed with sadness. It's ok to be ok. I honestly don't think there's a wrong way to deal with these days. Hugs!

taberbtb

I have only passed my EDD while TTC (so before this pg) but honestly I didn't find it bothered me as much as the anniversary of my BFP, or loss date. To me, my EDD didn't necessarily represent the day my babies would have been born as I know it's rare for them to come on the actual day they are due. As well it was hard for me to imagine something I had never experienced. I do remember the excitement I felt when I got that first BFP, and my heartbreak when we found out about our loss, so those days hit me harder. All of that to say its ok to feel however you feel. Just because you may or may not be grieving as strongly as you were before, doesn't mean you have forgotten your other LO. I'm glad you are able to celebrate and enjoy this pg. ((hugs))

asglover514

I've only ever past one EDD while pregnant and I was sad but overall I was okay. It's perfectly fine to be okay.

beemaya83

taberbtb said:

I have only passed my EDD while TTC (so before this pg) but honestly I didn't find it bothered me as much as the anniversary of my BFP, or loss date. To me, my EDD didn't necessarily represent the day my babies would have been born as I know it's rare for them to come on the actual day they are due. As well it was hard for me to imagine something I had never experienced. I do remember the excitement I felt when I got that first BFP, and my heartbreak when we found out about our loss, so those days hit me harder.

All of that to say its ok to feel however you feel. Just because you may or may not be grieving as strongly as you were before, doesn't mean you have forgotten your other LO. I'm glad you are able to celebrate and enjoy this pg. ((hugs))

@taberbtb‌ I feel the same way as you. My BFP from my first pregnancy is coming up on 12/23. We announced to the family on Christmas Day. I can't help but to think I would have had a little one to share the holidays with. Now that I am pregnant, my heart is filled with hopes and dreams and I can't wait to meet him/her.

@Feegan it's ok to be ok. Our angels will forever be in our hearts.

chicagojackie

It's absolutely OK to be OK.
Hugs to you.

kreardon11

Yes. Totally okay to be okay. I was the same...it felt weird, but okay. Hugs!

lyndz333

Megdowntheshore said:

It's ok to be ok. I'm glad that you are feeling okay. When I had my first loss, the doctor I saw that confirmed the loss said something that helped me. He said his wife had a miscarriage but then went on to have their daughter. He said he knows that if they didn't lose the first, they wouldn't have their daughter, and obviously they couldn't imagine life without her. I kind of have a similar idea /way of coping with my losses. I consider all the ones that I lost to be angels that kind of led us to having this particular little one. I realize this way of thinking may not be helpful at all to others, but it comforts me.

I was actually feeling good about the upcoming EDD for our first loss and then I saw a sculpture of a pregnant mom laying on her side and an angel baby with wings sitting on her stomach. The idea was that the babies she lost were watching out for the mom and new baby. Thinking about it even now moves me. it's so sweet but it made me so sad. I bawled alone in my bed for ten minutes. I was shocked how hard that hit me. What you wrote reminded me of that sculpture.

thenichleys

Going through the same thing today. I've been dreading this day for a long time, and yes it's still early in the day and it might get harder, but for now I'm doing ok. I keep reminding myself that the God has known generations that will come from this baby I'm pregnant with now since the beginning of time. If my grandmother had not miscarried right before getting pregnant with my mom, I would not be here today. It's so hard when we have no answers to the why's of losing our babies, but I just know the ones we do get the privilege of raising are going to be amazing people.