A one two punch in the gut... (BFP mentioned, not mine)

CML11

So we hosted Thanksgiving and it went very smoothly...until....
*********punch one********
Then my brother breaks the news...next year we will have to get a highchair to add to the table...for them. The have been married for a hot minute and probably got pregnant on their first try.

********punch two**********
Her due date is what mine would have been had we not experienced our recent loss.

I really tried to be truly happy for them, but it makes me jealous and angry.
I had to excuse myself after a little while so they wouldn't see me tear up. It's just so unfair.
So I come here for my stupid pity parties. They have no idea of our recent loss in their defense.

Nikolie93

Oh no sweetie, I'm so sorry! That must have been so hard. Wish I had magic words to make your feel better *hug*

vh2014

Oh no. That really sucks.

northernkhaleesi

Oh wow. All the hugs for you.

Two announcements showed up in my fb feed today, and a coworker just announced as well. 

You're not alone in this. And it sucks.

tlc35

I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

emsmama15

I'm so sorry!

creamcheese17

I'm sorry.

meredithcarole

I am so sorry. That is really rough and you are totally justified in being upset.

lcwed

I am sorry.  The same due date thing is rough.  Hugs and wine from me to you.

shadiddynyc

That's terrible. I hope you feel better. Sometimes I just like it to be my dh & I to avoid situations like that. Babies/pregnancy/giving birth are such sensitive things for me.

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KateLouise

Ugh that does suck. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

susykat77

Dang! So sorry! ❤️

MySallyGirl

I'm so sorry. That had to really suck. We had a pregnancy announcement at our Thanksgiving too. Hard not to be jealous.

KirstenAlecia

So sorry  

Thanksgiving was hard for me too. In a way I felt relieved that most of my family knew or had been informed of our situation. 

It did not make sitting there all day when i wanted to go home and bury myself in a nest of blankets and hide from the world. I had to excuse myself downstairs to cry few times and i didn't even have any trigger moments like that. Well I did have one.....my hubby ALWAYS plays with the little ones. They LOVE to dog pile hime and try to take him down and he eggs it on and loves it. I had to leave thinking about the thought that he may never have that in his life with children of his own.

I think its bound to be hard this time of year. 

Maybe it would be a good idea to let them know privately what you have been through and they may spare you the baby stuff for a bit?

CML11

@KirstenAlecia‌ I'm sorry Thanksgiving was tough for you. Big hugs to you for that. I thought I was fine, until that announcement and I realized I'm so far from ok right now.
I am torn on saying something to them. One part of me feels she is entitled to her pregnancy excitement and shouldn't expect her to walk on eggshells until I finally receive my own BPF. The other part of me wants to be selfish and bitter. So I've compromised in staying as far away from them as I can. I've cancelled getting together this weekend and will continue avoiding them until I can handle the excited baby talk. Right now all I now is that I can't handle it.

I can sympathize with the teary moments. I'm coming close to our 2 year actively TTC mark, that's not helping either.

URMySunshine77

That's really rough news, CML11. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. Hugs.

KirstenAlecia

CML11 said:

@KirstenAlecia‌ I'm sorry Thanksgiving was tough for you. Big hugs to you for that. I thought I was fine, until that announcement and I realized I'm so far from ok right now. I am torn on saying something to them. One part of me feels she is entitled to her pregnancy excitement and shouldn't expect her to walk on eggshells until I finally receive my own BPF. The other part of me wants to be selfish and bitter. So I've compromised in staying as far away from them as I can. I've cancelled getting together this weekend and will continue avoiding them until I can handle the excited baby talk. Right now all I now is that I can't handle it. I can sympathize with the teary moments. I'm coming close to our 2 year actively TTC mark, that's not helping either.

I certainly understand that.......when i told my sister in law our sad news...the one who we announced to EACH OTHER we were PG at the same time, she asked me how I wanted her to go about baby news and info with me going forward......and i told her that i didn't know yet, but that i want them to go through the excitement and happiness and not have to feel careful of me.......but she wants to be sensitive and i love her for that. I think you are very much in the same boat as me.....you are happy for them.....you are.....its just going to be hard. Think hard about it.....let your family be there for you regardless of their good news. I bet they are capable of excitement for themselves and compassion for you as well. I know that my sister in law and my brother will be for me too. I mean if you are as close to them as I am to mine.....I would real consider sharing with them and just tell them honestly WHY you feel the need to share. For me its about people understanding why Im not myself. 

rspalding001

That's rough I'm sorry! Your turn will come!

kindershlitz

I'm sorry. That is really a tough one to deal with. Those things can come when you least expect and so hard to deal with

wannabmama23

I'm so sorry! That is rough. The world is very unfair sometimes.

CML11

I'm doing much better. It just seems to be her pregnancy that are triggers for me. I am hesitant to say anything to them, because I don't want to make their exciting news about me. As long as I can keep my distance until I heal I should be ok. If they take an offense to my distance, then I will tell them.
I truly am so thankful for the support here.

dream2be3

((HUGS))

Davie813

Aw, I'm sorry @cml11.  I'm glad you're feeling better, though!

mst08

I'm so sorry! Sending big hugs to you!!

C_Girlie

(((Hugs)))). My first pregnancy was ntnp before I was married. It ended in a mm/c, a year later my sis & bro was expecting their first two months apart. As much as I wanted to go to my bro baby shower I couldn't do it. I boo-hooed the moment I woke up on the shower day. Everyone was very supportive and tried to cheer me up and attempt to get me to go. Looses are very hard to deal with. Take your time, it does get easier

AuntieMissy76

I am very sorry for your loss. I have never had that experience, but I know that my best friend's loss a few years ago was one of the hardest things I have been through emotionally. I imagine that your personal suffering must be very difficult to deal with.

Once you have taken a deep breath, and the space you need to reconcile this news with your sadness, and to greive properly - realize that you are gaining something beautiful here.

The universe has decided to bring you a niece or nephew on that day, instead of a son or daughter. You mentioned that they have been married for a short time, so I assume that this will be their first. They will need tons of help and you can be the supportive Auntie as I have been to so many of my family and friends. Swoop in there and steal the baby for a night so they can sleep, or stay over at their place now and then in the beginning so you get all the cuddle time and night feedings while they get more than 2 hours of continuous sleep, whatever you can do to spend time with the new little one and help them out. Not only will the joy of your new family member and the special bond you will have with that niece or nephew do you lots of good, it will also mean that when your time comes your Bro and SIL will owe you a night off now and then!!!

I have had so many close bonds that mean the world to me with the friends and familys' kids who call me Auntie. I spent the first five days of my vacation this week with the friend whose MC I mentioned earlier's 2 year old at my place. I picked him up from her place 90 mins away and he came and stayed with my DH and I. He has known us since he was born - that bond we created with the early sleepovers and borrowing him for 4 or 5 days whenever we can fills our hearts and lives with so much joy, and brings us the cuddles we need until we are able to have our own.

The experience of diapers and umbilical cords and gas and everything else is valuable too - much easier to have them go through it first so you know what to potentially expect! I have been through at LEAST 20 trial runs, so I don't think there is much that could come up with pregnancy, childbirth or parenting that would be a total surprise. Banking that information and experience I think is going to allow me to be a much more relaxed parent.

There are so many silver linings. I just hope your heart heals enough that you can move forward and fully enjoy them. And that you have a BFP of your own to announce before the next holiday comes around!

MsJazzy73

Without having dealt with loss, I do understand the STING of other people's seemingly effortless PGs. I had my reversal surgery, it was a success, I've never had issues with fertility before, so I'm thinking "piece of cake"! My coworker (there's only two of us there plus the manager) goes off the pill right before her destination wedding, comes back from her trip and a month later, yep she's PG! Grrrrr Sister in law now has been with this guy less than year, and surprise! Grrrr! But I put on a brave face because my anguish should in no way tarnish they're excitement! That's why I'm here, we can't share these deep feelings really ANYWHERE else! Even my DH, who is my best friend, doesn't fully understand. Hugs to you!