Young & Pregnant & A Little Scared

mirandaroser

So I'm 17 and somewhat recently found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned, and it's definitely a scary feeling. My boyfriend is 19, and has been completely supportive and loving throughout the past couple months, and has no intentions of leaving and even wants to get married. He already picked up an extra job and is also a self-made mechanic on the side, and also is attending college. My parents on the other hand, have not been so supportive. They want me to give up my baby so that I can "still have a college experience", but I don't know how they think I would be able to carry on with my life as normal. I want to keep my baby, but it's extremely hard being stuck at home and having my parents make it difficult to see my boyfriend and constantly tell me I'm never going to be happy if I keep my baby. Anyone ever experience something like this? I promise I've been considering my options and trying to make a plan the best that I can. But I'm set on keeping my baby. It's just hard to look forward positively when all I get is negativity from my parents.

kimmarie1105

First, congratulations on your positive test. Clearly you want to keep this baby so you need to start looking at it as a blessing even if your parents are not on board. You are young, however you seem intelligent and somewhat mature. The road ahead is going to be tough. You will certainly have your fair share of struggles and resentment and fear, but what mother doesn't?
If this is the oath you want to take, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and create a plan. You can still get a college degree, in fact I highly recommend that you do, it just won't come to you in a conventional manner. Being a mom is the hardest thing that you will do and it will yield you the greatest of joys.
Sit down with your parents and let them know what you choose to do and ask for their blessing and support. Hopefully they will come around. Good luck!

atj13ne

I second that ^^^^^ also...yes, I was 18 and pg with my first. 10 yrs later, I am finally going to school...do not wait!!! Get it together now! You can do this , its very hard I wish you the best of luck!

lfaithlove

Congratulations! I was married when I found out I was expecting our first baby, but we had only been married two months and I was very young. So while I obviously don't understand your exact scenario, I know what it's like to be scared and feel too young and unprepared to have a child. Honestly, I have had similar feelings with our second baby, and this one was planned!

Being a mother is really difficult no matter what your particular set of challenges is, so I encourage you to keep your chin up, listen to the advice of others but also know when to stick to your gut. I think this group of ladies can be of a lot of help to you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I will be praying for you! Feel free to ask questions here. Thanks for sharing your heart! I hope you are able to celebrate this baby the way he/she deserves because every child is special and a gift, no matter the situation! Happy Thanksgiving!

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allicat300

Congrats! I was 17 with my first, my babys father was anything but supportive so i am so happy to hear your man has already stepped up. It does make it harder to go to school and it is even harder when your parents arent supportive. But from experience, they will melt when you give birth to a healthy beautiful baby and all will be well you can do this and if this is your path... Own it and be proud for following your heart!

blu-eyedwife

No experience, but I can certainly imagine being young, pregnant, and scared. I think all women need a support system during pregnancy, but you probably moreso than someone more "established."  And I'm sorry your parents aren't that for you, yet.  I agree with @JimBobCooter that they're probably dealing with their own issues right now, and hopefully they'll be able to get over that and be the support you need as this pregnancy progresses.

Until then, you seem very lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and I hope all  the best works out for you guys.

mirandaroser

Thank you for all the support everyone. I certainly plan on getting a college degree I just know that it won't be in the way my parents and I had originally planned. I just want them to see that I can and will be happy and successful even if my life started earlier than envisioned.

poppyc8

I'm sorry you are going through this with your parents not being supportive. If it makes you feel any better I have two good friends that both had daughters at age 17. They both went on to college and are beyond successful in their chosen careers. My advise to you is to trust your heart and judgement on this one.

ALITAYLOR23

I got pregnant at 17 and had the baby at 18 too. I was still attending high school but the best thing I did for myself and my daughter was I finished high school early and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. Its not easy and you do miss out on so much being that young because you don't get the chance to go out and have childless fun anymore. Now if you want to hang out you either take your kid or you pay a babysitter. You'll miss some things but seeing the look of your baby when that baby looks at you is the most priceless thing ever and makes all the rest you're missing out on, mean absolutely nothing. As for the boy friend my parents were the same way. Wanted me to say get out of our lives and such but I stuck with it and now I'm engaged (almost married in Dec) and on baby number two. It was the best thing I have ever done was stuck with what I wanted for myself and my child. My advice is decide what it is YOU want and stick to your guns about it.

tiffbot1985

You have been given good advice and I have nothing personal to add, so wanted to offer my congratulations and welcome to the board! Good luck with everything.

jilly159

I don't have anything to add except my support. I agree with PP and say trust your heart! Congrats!

leenziepops

Welcome and congratulations. It looks like PP have taken the words right out my mouth. Hope you find some support here. All the best.

littlechemist

I just wanted to say best wishes and welcome. You have a tough road ahead of you but you seem to have a strong will and good heart. I hope you find the support and strength you need!

elvinnoe

Congrats! I went through the same thing at age 18 and ended up choosing adoption. I didn't have the resources I needed to feel comfortable parenting, so it was the best choice for me and my son. He'll be 8 soon and has great parents that I chose for him. Most adoption agencies will let the birth mom choose whatever family she likes and I also got to decide the amount of openness I wanted. Grief is a very real thing, but I went through counseling during my pregnancy and it helped a lot. The worst of the grief lasted about two months while I was still physically recovering from pregnancy, Mother's Day was always very hard until I had DD, and it's mostly just hard knowing your a mom but no one else knows. The pros is getting pictures, it never gets old and I love hearing from them! They still send pics and letters and even sent gifts for my wedding and birth of DD. He has things I would have never been able to provide and knowing that I provided everything he has by choosing adoption makes it worth it for me. I feel like I had to go through the hard part so he would never have to. Just wanted to throw it out there so you know what it's really like. Good luck!! Welcome to the board!

sne0501

Life never goes as planned. That's what makes it what it is! Besides what fun is knowing and predicting every single thing that happens in life. Surprises bring the best joy! Parents will come around hopefully sooner than later, it's just probably still new to them. I wish the best for you, your boyfriend, and blessing of a baby because that's exactly what it is and shouldn't be seen as anything but that! Good luck and enjoy this time preparing for motherhood!

TheNewMrsY

You've gotten great advice so far! I agree to follow your heart and I bet your parents will be on board once they meet that sweet, beautiful baby! Welcome!

Nkrk16

was 17 when I had my first son...I was still in my Senior year of High School and oddly enough had him Prom Day. My mom told me she was gonna schedule me an appt for an abortion. The thought of getting rid of the baby never crossed my mind. I put my foot down and let her know this was my baby and I will do everything needed to support this baby and raise him the proper way. Throughout my pregnancy my mom turned into my Best friend and we had an amazing relationship. After my son was born my mom told me he was the best thing that has ever happened to her. Now my son is 13 and such an amazing kid! I wld never be the person or mother I am today if it wasn't for him. I graduated high school and continued on to a local college as well as maintained a job! Anything you put your mind to, you can accomplish. I feel your parents will come around once they see you are standing your ground and taking this miracle as a positive change to your future! Good Luck and remember, parents never plan for their little girl to be a mother when their still a little girl themselves. But nothing feels more fulfilling then your parents realizing how amazing you are, especially as a teenage mother with her goals accomplished and her dreams followed!!

jcprn

Kind of similar to what @Nkrk16‌ said, if I were you I would decide for myself what I wanted, adoption or keeping the baby (which it sounds like what you want) and stick to it. It might be tempting to appease your parents to avoid fighting and tell them you'll consider what they want you to do even though you know you really don't want that. But I think it will be better for you in the long run to stick to your guns and start planning for a new and realistic future with your bf and baby, including plans for work, school, and childcare. I think once your parents realize how committed, mature, and serious you are about the decision you've made they'll come around and hopefully have more respect for you and your decision as well.

Good luck with everything. You're going to have to grow up fast but it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.

darvo

Hey girl! Congrats! My best friend had a baby at 17 and she is doing awesome, her boy is in kinder now and he's a little fireball and she has a successful career-- it's not what she wanted originally, but I know she wouldn't have it any other way! Your baby will be such a blessing to you. I know it's easy to feel scared, but you might as well feel excited instead! Again, congrats, and good luck!

darvo

Hey girl! Congrats! My best friend had a baby at 17 and she is doing awesome, her boy is in kinder now and he's a little fireball and she has a successful career-- it's not what she wanted originally, but I know she wouldn't have it any other way! Your baby will be such a blessing to you. I know it's easy to feel scared, but you might as well feel excited instead! Again, congrats, and good luck!

darvo

Hey girl! Congrats! My best friend had a baby at 17 and she is doing awesome, her boy is in kinder now and he's a little fireball and she has a successful career-- it's not what she wanted originally, but I know she wouldn't have it any other way! Your baby will be such a blessing to you. I know it's easy to feel scared, but you might as well feel excited instead! Again, congrats, and good luck!

finchfeeder80

Just wanted to say welcome and the best of luck to you!

shaq818

I just want say that I too was a young parent when I had my first child. It's definitely hard to have the real college experience and take care of a baby. However, you have to ask yourself what is most important to you. Sounds like you want to keep your baby. Don't let your parents draw a line between you and the father if that's what you plan to do. You wil want him to be around for the baby.

KonaCoffeeBean

I agree with prior posters that this your decision to make, not your parents. However, I can certainly understand why your parents have so much anxiety about the situation. Have you talked to them about your plans? I.e., where you will raise the baby, how you will financially provide for your baby, what you will do for child care while you continue your education. It would probably reassure them a lot to hear that your plans do not include living rent-free in their house, depending on them for child care, etc. At this point, they probably have no idea what to expect, which is really unnerving.

LovelyErica

I know your young and your parents are just wanting the best for you at this time,but at the end of the day its not their descion its yours.Whatever you think is best to do go all for it.Your gonna be having the baby and taking care of the baby,So its your choice.If I were you I would get a part time job and you and the baby's father gets y'alls own place and you won't have to hear nomore negative things.Hope all goes good for you.Keep your head up.Don't do nothing your going to regret at the end.

Schnurette

kimmarie1105 said:

First, congratulations on your positive test. Clearly you want to keep this baby so you need to start looking at it as a blessing even if your parents are not on board. You are young, however you seem intelligent and somewhat mature. The road ahead is going to be tough. You will certainly have your fair share of struggles and resentment and fear, but what mother doesn't? If this is the oath you want to take, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and create a plan. You can still get a college degree, in fact I highly recommend that you do, it just won't come to you in a conventional manner. Being a mom is the hardest thing that you will do and it will yield you the greatest of joys. Sit down with your parents and let them know what you choose to do and ask for their blessing and support. Hopefully they will come around. Good luck!

This. Maybe you should try to work on a plan (or at least start working on one) of how you can still do what you wanted to do in terms of post-secondary education etc. while also caring for baby (i.e. distance / in class combo courses, options for day care if you are in school etc. - as far as I know there are a lot of options for post-secondary distance education that aren't the cliche sketchy mail in ones...make sure you do it through an actual school lol) and once you have that sorted sit down with your parents - Maybe they are just scared that you aren't going to be able to do what you wanted to or that you aren't taking it seriously and seeing that you have been thinking about it and looking at options might reassure them.

And, not any of my business, I would suggest not getting married, at least not yet. My cousin had a baby at 17 and she and her boyfriend really made a great effort at staying together for the sake of their son but it just wasn't meant to be. They still get along really well and are great at coparenting but they couldn't live together. You're so young. See how things go - don't feel like the baby means that you have to get married. You don't need to complicate things - and maybe this scares your parents too? (Maybe they are the opposite though...)

Also - don't expect your parents to support you 100%. It might end up that you need to get a job and get a place of your own. And if that's what needs to happen you just gotta do it!

tinavonsparkle

Welcome and good luck, you sound like you will make a great mum.

I just wanted to add that the advice, positive & caring thoughts and wonderful stories that have been shared on this thread have made me really thankful and happy to be a part of June 15. (So hormonal today - anyone posts a cute cat picture and I'm done for!) x

adorebel

tinavonsparkle said:

Welcome and good luck, you sound like you will make a great mum. I just wanted to add that the advice, positive & caring thoughts and wonderful stories that have been shared on this thread have made me really thankful and happy to be a part of June 15. (So hormonal today - anyone posts a cute cat picture and I'm done for!) x

Will a photo of Koko cradling Lipstick do it?

HaleyBradford603

I understand all the emotions you are going through. I had my son at 15. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, but I would never change anything. You can do it. Just stay positive and keep moving foward. Think of your precious little baby first always. My son is now six and I'm married to an amazing man. I have an awesome career in Esthetics, and we just finished building our own home.
Things will be hard at first, but you will make it.
Best of luck to you. Stay strong.

CateOfChicago

Congrats. I'm sure your ps will come around once they realize this is happening, and particularly when they see you little ones face.

megtyrrell

Congratulations, first of all! It's a fact that babies change lives. Your life may not unfold in exactly the way you planned but that's okay because that is hardly how life ever turns out for anyone, pregnant or not. Do what you feel is right because you are in control of your life AND your precious baby's life now. Your parents will most likely come around to the idea. But for now, you have a supportive boyfriend and a supportive community to help you out. Wishing you all the best!

erbear84

I have no advice to give (and PP's have given some great advice!), but welcome and best wishes!

tinavonsparkle

adorebel said:

tinavonsparkle said:

Welcome and good luck, you sound like you will make a great mum.

I just wanted to add that the advice, positive & caring thoughts and wonderful stories that have been shared on this thread have made me really thankful and happy to be a part of June 15. (So hormonal today - anyone posts a cute cat picture and I'm done for!) x

Will a photo of Koko cradling Lipstick do it?

Pass me the tissues...! x

eclacl2010

I had my daughter at eighteen. My mom did the same thing to me. For me it took me to stand up to her. I told her I was keeping the baby and that I was scared and wanted her support and feel like she was there for me and that the punishment for a true accendent isn't helping the sitiuation but harming it since you want the dad to be really close and you want the your mom to strengthen the bond of the guy. This is the guy that shell be sharing her grand baby with. I'm not saying it'll be yay baby right away but my mom thought about what I said and slowly came around. Finding out what I was having helped her a lot too since she began looking at clothes and coming more to term with it. Good luck. I was 17 when I was pregnant finished high school a year early. Got my associates before my daughter was two and had a great job and my own place by the time she was two also and I did this all on my own. No father or child support. You can do it. It'll be hard at times but use the baby as motivation.good luck.

mirandaroser

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, it feels much better to know that I'm not alone.

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mirandaroser

Tensions are definitely still running high and I still haven't been allowed to see my boyfriend. The conversation of college is getting harder and harder to discuss since every time I try to bring up alternative plans I am shut down. I've been able to make it clear that I do not want to choose adoption for my baby but now they think that the next best solution is giving my parents custody of the baby and making my SO give over paternal rights to them. My boyfriend and I do not plan on doing so, and are putting together a financial plan to present to my parents to hopefully make them see that we can provide for the baby.

JimBobCooter said:

mirandaroser said:

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, it feels much better to know that I'm not alone.

Are your parents doing any better with this?

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mirandaroser

JimBobCooter said:

I'm so sorry it's still so difficult.    I can tell you right now, they can't just take custody or force him to give up his rights.  It doesn't work that way.  Hang in there.

Thank you for asking. I just hope that we can get to a place that we can talk through things productively.

kimmarie1105

You see, I missed this update because of the trolls.

OP, stay strong and stick to your guns. You may have to prove yourself to them before they will take you and your boyfriend serious, I hope it doesn't take that long for them to come around, but just in case I would start working, saving money, and try to find a place of your own. Keep us posted! I was thinking of you the other day!