Intro- current loss 'happening' — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Intro- current loss 'happening'

I'm looking for support and guidance and understand from women (and dads) who have been through this heartbreaking time.

On Monday we were looking at our ultrasound and saw our sweet baby moving all around- the face and hands and everything. But we were also then told that our little one has a 1 in 250,000 condition called hydranencephaly, where half of her brain is not formed and she would not survive after birth. We have decided to let her go to heaven on Tuesday instead of letting her live for a few moments after birth. It is such a hard decision- and sometimes I feel I would rather meet her for those few seconds, but then I think of our baby suffering and know we've made the right decision.

So, I'm waiting. My husband had to go back to work today so I am home, very alone, as we just moved across the country, waiting for next week. My doctor keeps telling me that I have to be very okay with this decision or else we shouldn't do it. How can I ever be okay with this? I'm not sure what to even do with myself. My doctor sent me home with some sleep meds and I wish I could just sleep until this is over and I feel better. But, will it ever be easier?

Thanks for any guidance you can share with me


Re: Intro- current loss 'happening'

  • I'm sorry that I don't have any experience to share with you. It seems like an impossibly hard decision to make, no matter which choice you make. I'll be thinking of the three of you.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

  • I am so sorry to see you are going through this. Take all the time you need to feel your pain. The only advice I can give is to find a support group of women who have been or are in your very same situation. I recently suffered an ectopic pregnancy and it helped to joined a closed group on Facebook filled with all women who are struggling with the same pain. I would search for hyrdranencephaly support groups specifically. 

  • I'm so sorry you have to make such a difficult decision. I had no choice but to deliver my son at 22 weeks so I cannot imagine what you are going through. TB has helped me in so many ways since I loss my son. Just knowing there are other women in the same situation offering their support gave me comfort.
    TTC since August 2013 BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14 BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • NoetholaNoethola
    2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited November 2014
    I am so very sorry you are faced with such a decision. Wish there were something i could say, but this is just an awful situation. I am so sorry you are about to lose your little one. Hold on to every precious memory you are able to make in the next week.
    Lilypie - (qptF)

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."

  • This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
  • I'm so sorry to hear this.
  • I'm so sorry that you have to make this decision. There's so much we don't have control over. My advice right now is to try and focus on being present in the moment with your baby. I wish you peace through this process.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. You and your family will be in my thoughts - ((hugs)) to you.
  • I am so sorry you are having to make such a difficult decision. You and your family are in my T&Ps.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • So very sorry that you are facing what is truly an impossible decision. I went through a similar experience. I'd be happy to talk to you about it if you want to PM me.
  • I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.  My daughter had a similar condition, and we lost her before any decisions had to be made.  But I do remember that the single night I hate to wait for my induction was a special  kind of torture, so I can only imagine what you must have been feeling.  My loss is too  new to know if it gets better.  I'm not sure if it does.  But I do know already that the pain changes, and the new you will learn to live with that.  I know I felt so alone, and the woman here, and in local support groups all help to change that.   We're all here for  you.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

  • I just wanted to thank you all so much for the kind words. I am so sorry we all have to be here, but you have really helped me feel not so alone. I went through the dilation (the worst!) last Monday and the surgery on Tuesday and have been taking care of myself for a week. I can't believe it's been two weeks of knowing... I have such guilty feelings that I should feel better by now. I'm sure some of you may experience that as well and I'm looking forward to hearing how you take care of yourselves and help yourselves heal. Thank you again

  • I don't know how I missed this post before but wanted to reach out now to say how incredibly sorry I am.  Please let us know if there's anything we can do.  I'll be keeping you in my T&Ps.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • I'm so sorry you are faced with such a difficult decision. Take whatever time you need to think things through. You and your DH are in my T & Ps.

    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I'm so very sorry. You are in my thoughts abd prayers.

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