Parenting opnion

GirlWithAnchors

Okay so fast forward to the future. Your baby is graduting high school and has two routes to choose from, College (they got in with full ride scholarship ) or Work (someone offered them a job right out of school, not like McDonald's but something more stable). Anyways, I feel like if my kid(s) wanna just jump right into adulthood and working, I could let them stay with me but they would be responsible for themselves. Like I would charge rent (nothing crazy but still a set pay date), and they do their own chores etc without me being behind them. But if they go to college and could stay with me and all the above minus rent since they weren't working. Seems fair right? Or what do you guys think?

Maebb

I went to college and only lived with my parents if I was home for the summer or spring break, and they didn't charge me rent. But then I graduated, DH and I got married, and we lived with my parents for 5 months because I didn't have a job yet, and they charged us rent (I think $250 or $350 a month). DH was still in school. DH thought it was shitty of them to charge us, but we were still able to save a lot because it's hard to find an apartment for twice that much. I think my parents wanted to teach us responsibility, and "you're an adult now making adult choices like getting married, so act like one."

I'm fine if parents want to charge their adult children rent. I think we'll probably encourage our kids to be independent, but I don't think DH would agree to charge them if they needed to live at home for a short time. They can choose if they want to go to college or not, and I don't think our decision to charge them rent (or not) would be based on that, but honestly it's hard to say now without being in the situation. I think the balance of giving your kids the tools and training to make good choices and be successful but then knowing when to let them leave the nest and giving them the chance to try to fly (and fail sometimes) is probably difficult.

Mdm159

I like the idea of charging a small amount for rent (couple hundred-ish) and saving it for them. Then surprise them with it when they move out

mandikins27

I think that is fair and i would do the same. I have no desire for them to leave though haha. My oldest has already thought about it and has informed me when she graduates she will be taking a year off school moving to england and working at starbucks... was my look but i got 5 years to work on that plan. I told her france would make more sense for her and she could go to school there she doesnt need a year off.... I think she just wants to move there for one direction lol well they will be old retired men by then we shall see what happens though

Edvent

My baby sis is still at home with my parents (she's almost 21), but is in school so they don't charge her rent. I think it's fair if they're working to charge some rent and if in school not to. My DH and I had to move in with my parents for a few months when we moved back from the Dominican Republic. They didn't charge us rent but we offered to pay some of the bills and food. I also think it's different if it's clearly temporary (6 months or less) than if there are no other plans in sight.

brickcitylove

I probably wouldn't charge them rent if they are being productive, contributing members of society and working to advance themselves.

Although I like @Mdm159‌ idea of charging a little bit and surprising them with a nest egg when they move out. Or maybe make saving what they would be paying in rent part of our deal. Teaching kids to save is and live within their means is so important.

mrsyoddtost

My parents charged me "rent" after high school. I believed they were putting the $ in their own bank acct, but when I moved out they gave it all back to me. They'd put it in a separate acct. it was a nice gift but I'd been used to paying rent. Win win!

Samiantha101

I can't say. There's likely to be a lot of variables in play, and if I've learned anything in the last two years of being a mom, it's that I shouldn't get stuck on absolutes.

I lived with my mom here and there after graduating high school. I was almost always enrolled in school. I paid my mom rent. I know I could have not paid her, but I've always had a strong sense of responsibility and duty, and my mom isn't set financially, so there was no way I wasn't paying her rent.

southernyankeegirl

There are so many different variations of this situation that it's impossible to know now. Is the kid motivated by this job, does it have career potential (like a trade or a craft), do they need to go back to school eventually? How much are they making?

We would keep the kid on our health insurance until they're 26 years old. Probably regardless, so at least we know they can take care of their health. Having crappy healthcare when I was 22 years old was a scary thing for my parents when I got H1N1 and couldn't afford to stay in a hospital.

I would charge rent if I felt the kid wasn't motivated on his own, if it had the potential to become a freeloader situation. But I know that I lived with my parents a few times rent-free after college while unemployed, and having that "safety net" was invaluable to me. We all knew it was temporary, and I think that's all it should be with an adult child.

Shortly before our wedding, DH and I (and our little dog) moved in with my parents for what was supposed to be 7 weeks until his job started. Well, it got pushed back to 5 months! I had a good paying job and we could have made do, but the money we saved on rent was a down payment for the house we bought a year later. I would help my kid similarly if I could.

cassied7

I lived with my mom until I was 21 and I worked full time. She didn't charge me rent, but I had a very strict curfew. It totally sucked, and I had asked to pay rent and get rid of the curfew, but she said I would still need to be home at a certain time even if I paid..."my house, my rules". My mother was incredibly strict, which in a way, pushed me to do some risky things, IMO. I'm not sure what I will do with my kids as its so ar away, but I definitely learned from what my mom did for me and my sister.

CanukMam

Mdm159 said:

I like the idea of charging a small amount for rent (couple hundred-ish) and saving it for them. Then surprise them with it when they move out

This is what I would do. I think charging them rent is helping them adjust to the reality of the real world, while saving it secretly would make me feel like less of a scumbag about it. Money could be given as a gift towards a rent security deposit / house downpayment / wedding / pay off student loans, etc. 

Highly depends on the kid though, some are more responsible then others.

ShuShubee

It would depend on the situation. I would not charge rent if they were living with us while in college, but if they had a full time job, then yes, I probably would. If I didn't charge rent, I would expect them to contribute to the household, regardless though, such as cleaning, mowing, etc. MH lived with my SIL and BIL for a couple months before he could find a job to move out here (his lease had ended and didn't want to sign a new one). They didn't charge him rent, but he helped them with some major renovations on their house. So, it evens out in that aspect.

BookitBoo

It depends on the situation. My mom wanted me to live at home (rent free) while in college. Both she and daddy were big into college education (both were military and got college degrees later in life). I had a practically free ride for college because of awesome scholarships. I felt strongly that I needed to pay for the rest of my education, since I had a little sister and I didn't want mama to spend her money on me. I chose to move out, and work 1-3 jobs to pay for my college. That was really important for me and my mom didn't get it.

I don't care if my children want to go to trade school or to college. I would prefer that they have a job/skill or degree to fall back on if the 'sure job' doesn't always remain so. I don't know about the living situation -- it depends on our children. My children will certainly pay their own bills but I don't know if I could charge them rent. I do like the idea of charging them a small amount and saving it for them, so that's something to think about

Milagros315

southernyankeegirl said:

There are so many different variations of this situation that it's impossible to know now. Is the kid motivated by this job, does it have career potential (like a trade or a craft), do they need to go back to school eventually? How much are they making? We would keep the kid on our health insurance until they're 26 years old. Probably regardless, so at least we know they can take care of their health. Having crappy healthcare when I was 22 years old was a scary thing for my parents when I got H1N1 and couldn't afford to stay in a hospital. I would charge rent if I felt the kid wasn't motivated on his own, if it had the potential to become a freeloader situation. But I know that I lived with my parents a few times rent-free after college while unemployed, and having that "safety net" was invaluable to me. We all knew it was temporary, and I think that's all it should be with an adult child. Shortly before our wedding, DH and I (and our little dog) moved in with my parents for what was supposed to be 7 weeks until his job started. Well, it got pushed back to 5 months! I had a good paying job and we could have made do, but the money we saved on rent was a down payment for the house we bought a year later. I would help my kid similarly if I could.

Pretty much ^this. There are too many variables for me to say for sure what we would do, but I really don't think I would charge my children rent to live at home. The only exception would/might be if they were making really poor choices.

I also don't like the idea of handling things differently for a child who goes to college and one who doesn't. Maybe this is a UO, but I don't believe that college is the right or best choice for everyone. I feel like treating them differently sends the message that going to college is best and all other choices will get penalized. In either case, the child is barely crossing over into young adulthood so I feel like they both deserve the opportunity to ease into that and learn what it entails. If we are able to give our kids the security of living with us until they get on their feet, I would love to be able to do that.

HStrawberry

I totally agree that it depends on the child. I stayed at home rent free during my degree but I paid for my tuition and all other expenses. I worked part time and was extremely motivated. I ended up getting married and moving out 3 weeks after my last exam so there wasn't really an opportunity to see if my parents would charge me rent. A friend's younger brother was the exact opposite. After high school, he lived rent free and worked part time but only to make enough money for his car, phone and booze to party. He mooched for over a year before his parents made him pay rent or move out (just a few hundred). This was exactly what he needed.. Forced him to get a better full time job, new circle of friends and eventually started going to school part time.

There is such a spectrum of attitudes and goals kids come out of high school with. It's a bit unrealistic to predict exactly how your child will be (ex. My friend is unbelievably motived, worked two jobs to pay 100% of her expenses, finished her degree early and landed an awesome job right after she graduated... Very different from her brother). I wouldn't charge rent if in school but likely would if they were just working.

SheHulk723

I would consider charging a small amount of rent.  My parents never charged me rent, even though I moved back in with them twice (I had very good reasons for moving back though, the first time was after a very traumatic experience and the second time I had to leave my apartment because my sleaze of a landlord couldn't keep it up to code, so I stayed with them while I looked for a new place.)  They paid for my food and let me live rent free.  But anything I wanted, like new clothes, going out with friends, games, books, etc. I paid for myself.  

MKateG

I like the idea of having them give you a couple hundred every month then giving it back when they move out. Im also in the "it's way too early to know" what we would do team. Plus, each situation is going to have so many variables I would need to know all the specifics of the situation before deciding.

Disneygeek77

Hard to say, but we might do what our parents did.  I went to college, so my parents didn't charge me rent as long as I paid my other bills  ( I also had to pay for my own education ).  I thought it was fair.

My husband didn't go to college and worked full time instead.  His mom charged him rent until he was 19 and moved out on his own.  

But again, this was in the late 90's early 0's, we might change our minds if getting a job / education is much more difficult for our children.  

GirlWithAnchors

I love having these nice long reads in the morning

I was watching a show and that was what it had came down to with a dad and his daughter. I would only charge maybe like 150-200 a month rent and give it all back once they moved out but I wouldn't let them know just because I'd love for them to save money themselves. But I also agree that a part time job during school would benefit them greatly and they would be happy to spend their money as they please. But still my house my rules nothing uber strict but just home by X time, keep it clean and just give me a call every now and then.