The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between (an article)

carlsonbaby2014

My friend and co-worker sent this to me this morning and I really needed to read it.  I thought I was beautifully written and wanted to share it with you all in case there's anyone else out there in zwischen phase who could benefit from it as well.  Enjoy ladies .

Link to article: https://www.mothering.com/articles/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-in-between/

Copy and pasted below:

She’s curled up on the couch, waiting, a ball of baby and emotions. A scrambled pile of books on pregnancy, labor, baby names, breastfeeding … not one more word can be absorbed. The birth supplies are loaded in a laundry basket, ready for action. The freezer is filled with meals, the car seat installed, the camera charged. It’s time to hurry up and wait. Not a comfortable place to be, but wholly necessary.

The last days of pregnancy — sometimes stretching to agonizing weeks — are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world.

Shouldn’t there be a word for this state of being, describing the time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward?

Germans have a word, zwischen, which means between. I’ve co-opted that word for my own obstetrical uses. When I sense the discomfort and tension of late pregnancy in my clients, I suggest that they are now in The Time of Zwischen. The time of in between, where the opening begins. Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.

I tell these beautiful, round, swollen, weepy women to go with it and be okay there. Feel it, think it, don’t push it away. Write it down, sing really loudly when no one else is home, go commune with nature, or crawl into your own mama’s lap so she can rub your head until you feel better. I tell their men to let go of their worry; this is an early sign of labor. I encourage them to sequester themselves if they need space, to go out if they need distraction, to enjoy the last hours of this life-as-they-now-know-it. I try to give them permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.

The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, leaky nipples, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility.  “You might find yourself teary and exhausted,” says one website, “but your baby is coming soon!” Cheer up, sweetie, you’re having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.

What we don’t have is reverence or relevance — or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time. Our language and culture fails us. This surely explains why many women find this time so complicated and tricky. But whether we recognize it or not, these last days of pregnancy are a distinct biologic and psychological event, essential to the birth of a mother.

We don’t scientifically understand the complex hormones at play that loosen both her hips and her awareness.  In fact, this uncomfortable time of aching is an early form of labor in which a woman begins opening her cervix and her soul. Someday, maybe we will be able to quantify this hormonal advance — the prolactin, oxytocin, cortisol, relaxin. But for now, it is still shrouded in mystery, and we know only how to measure thinning and dilation.

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”      -Tinkerbell

I believe that this is more than biological. It is spiritual. To give birth, whether at home in a birth tub with candles and family or in a surgical suite with machines and a neonatal team, a woman must go to the place between this world and the next, to that thin membrane between here and there. To the place where life comes from, to the mystery, in order to reach over to bring forth the child that is hers. The heroic tales of Odysseus are with us, each ordinary day. This round woman is not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.

We need time and space to prepare for that journey. And somewhere, deep inside us, at a primal level, our cells and hormones and mind and soul know this, and begin the work with or without our awareness.

I call out Zwischen in prenatals as a way of offering comfort and, also, as a way of offering protection. I see how simple it is to exploit and abuse this time. A scheduled induction is seductive, promising a sense of control. Fearful and confused family can trigger a crisis of confidence. We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity. Giving this a name points her toward listening and developing her own intuition. That, in turn, is a powerful training ground for motherhood.

Today, I am waiting for a lovely new mother named Allison to call me, to announce that her Zwischen is ended and labor has begun. I am in my own in between place, waiting. My opportunity to grow and open is a lovely gift she gives me, in choosing me to attend her birth.

- See more at: https://www.mothering.com/articles/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-in-between/#sthash.EKaGHFgJ.dpuf

ToriGirl2014

Thanks for this.  After just getting back from my OB appointment where I was told I'm 2 cm dilated, I think I've officially entered Zwischen.

carlsonbaby2014

Yes!  I feel like the last few weeks or so I haven't been able to put into words this emotional balance I feel like I'm hanging in but she nailed it on the head in this part although I don't quite view these weeks as 'agonizing' because I feel very blessed and humbled to be here and experiencing this.  I'm thankful for every kick and roll I feel, every sleepless night, sore hip, and swollen ankle.  I'm terrified of, and desperately looking forward to, when my old life and new life collide by his entering this side of the world.

The last days of pregnancy — sometimes stretching to agonizing weeks — are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world.

ToriGirl2014

Hawkward said:

I needed this today. With DS, I felt awesome clear up until 40.5 weeks. This time around, I'm kind of miserable since a week or two ago, and I almost feel guilty about it, like I should be enjoying this time more.

My emotional reaction is something more like, "holy crap, she could be here in just a few days or weeks.  When did that happen?," followed by quiet hysterics.

carlsonbaby2014

I just love how reading this article gave me some kind of clearance to feel whatever the heck I'm feeling right now you know?  Why I felt I had to feel a certain way and feel guilty about not "getting it" I'm not quite sure where that came from!  It was nice to know that there's this delicate balance in time and emotion that other women experience as well.  Lots of hugs ladies!!

JustinsGirl2011

Thanks for this!! Im 3 days from my due date & am feeling every bit of this! Hugs ladies!

luciddreamer106

I'm still a little ways off, but thanks for sharing!

Drgn30

i love this - thank you for sharing.  i find myself having this internal dialogue: 

" “You might find yourself teary and exhausted,” says one website, “but your baby is coming soon!” Cheer up, sweetie, you’re having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.   What we don’t have is reverence or relevance — or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time"

so it's nice to hear from an outside source that i should be gentle and patient with myself right now.

haleyusf

Great article! I'm so there! 2cm down, 8 to go... just waiting and hoping and praying for the sweet baby I know will be in my arms sooner than I can believe.

taberbtb

Birch113 said:

Thank you so much for sharing this! It is really nice to have some validation for the myriad if feelings I'm feeling these days!

This exactly. I also am still a little ways off but up until this point I have felt excited for LO to arrive and have my body back, despite having a fairly symptom free pregnancy. Now instead I find myself sad over the idea of sharing her with the world, and fears that I can "keep her safer on the inside". It's nice to know its ok to feel however I am feeling.

Cheekers2010

Thank you for this @carlsonbaby2014‌. I am so emotional and vulnerable these days. Not to mention sore and achy and impatient and everything else. I am finding this time very challenging but this article gives me a good perspective.

beemaya83

I still have a long way to go. This is a lovely article. Thank you for sharing!

jenkellen

I think I'm there too. I've been completely distant from the board lately. I've had so much emotions with this pregnancy but none of what I'd thought they'd be which is why I haven't been around that much. I feel so unlike myself right now, more than ever. I just want my baby here, the waiting process has been so challenging, each day seems like an eternity. At this point without the baby outside my body, I just feel like it's taking over my person without any explanation that people can truly understand. 

chicagojackie

Fantastic article. Thank you.

TravelingCouple

That was beautiful!