TTC after 35
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Can I come back? (loss mentioned)

cross posted in a couple places cause i can't bear to type it several times

Well friends, sad sad news. I can not believe I'm sitting here typing this. 
My 1st appt did not go as planned. I didn't get to cry happy tears when my baby popped up on the monitor for the sono. 

Instead the Dr said "Im so sorry Kirsten, this looks like its going to be a miscarriage"

LO stopped growing a few weeks prior apparently. Im beyond heartbroken. Im so confused. Im very angry and hurt and don't even know what to do with myself. I have to find a way to break the news to my parents when they come home from vacation. My brother and my sister in law who is ecstatic cause we are supposed to be having babies together and within weeks of each other. 

I love my husband and he has been good to me about this in letting me be sad and cry and whatever i need.......but inside Im mad at him for being prepared for this in such a way that if he wanted to he could say "i told you so" While he would never do this....Im still irrationally mad at him  for being so mentally prepared for it. 
I don't even see sadness in him. He says he is but it doesn't look like it. I told him i can't go up north this week and so we are staying home. He says he understands but he still thinks that we should sort of. 

We are waiting to see if my body takes care of the inevitable naturally but honestly I don't thing it will. I think Dr. intervention will be necessary. I can't even imagine how bad this is going to get mentally once that happens. 

Im sorry for the long vent. I know so many of you have been here before so you get it...I guess I just need to figure out whats next. 
SIGGY WARNING
Me 38   DH 34
married 05-21-11 
started TTC right away






BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 

Re: Can I come back? (loss mentioned)

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    I am so sorry.  Please be kind to yourself.  I wish you healing and peace.
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    Oh no! I am so sorry. Tons of support flowing your way.
    me:41   dh:43 
    Off Mirena Nov 2013, On Nuvaring end of Jan, Back off Sept 2014.  Never ending cycle starting end of Sept... 
    11/14 Provera failed... cycle continues 
    12/14 High FSH (57 "midcycle")  OBGYN had no clue... about anything 
    01/15 More lab results coming back from RE. U/S showed small (1")cyst on left ovary, thin lining, and couldn't locate right ovary so  possibly straight to DE and IVF 

    Occassionally mess with the chart below to see "what if" and learn (not to make it pretty but because FF stays drunk with me).  

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    My Ovulation Chart
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    Oh no, @KirstenAlecia, I am so sorry to hear this. Vent here if you need to (we've all got your back!)  This just plain sucks.  Hugs to you...
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    My Ovulation Chart


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    I'm so sorry. I'm sending good thoughts of care and peace to you.
    36, DH 31 TTC #1 since we got married, July 2014. http://FertilityFriend.com/home/522fa4/
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    @kristenalecia I am so sorry.  I am at a loss on what to say.

    Don't worry about your parents or you brother and SIL and how they will feel.  It is important how you are doing and they will be concerned about you and should be there for you.

    You have every right to feel whatever emotion you need to feel right now.  Men, they process things differently and grieve differently.  It sucks!!!  You want them to experience what you are with you.  And they do, just not the way we do.  I am more logical than emotional.  SO and I are like that.  But when I had my loss it hit me so bad for a couple of months.  In the beginning, he was great.   Understanding and empathetic to my grieving.  For me is consumed me as time went on.  Finally at the end of a couple of months, he had to give me a mental slap.  It was hard and I wanted to physically slap him back.  But he was right.  And after I left and gave myself time to process, I realized he was right.  I finally was able to move forward. Lean on DH and those you trust the most. You deserve to have your feelings and emotions looked out for right now and taken car of. 
    ****Siggy Warning***
    ~Formerly ABabyMabe4us



    Me(35) Him(35) Untied for life 4/1/2015.
    TTC Our 1st since 8/2014
    MC @ 7 weeks 5/2014
    Me: DD#1 3/2000, DD#2 6/2001, DS 5/2003
    BFP: 2/19/2015 EDD: 11/1/2015 IT'S A BOY!!!!

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    oh no!!! I'm so sorry @KirstenAlecia, I know how much this meant to you. Like others said, don't worry one bit about everyone else, just focus on yourself. If you need anything, even just to vent, yell and scream, we're here for you.
     image
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    I am so sorry to hear about your loss *hug*

    I felt the same about MH, he seemed "ok" during this last loss and it frustrated me, even angered me. I didn't understand why I would just be sitting there one minute and the next bust out crying yet I would look over and MH was watching a TV show laughing.

    I had to take a step back and realize that (1) my emotions were very raw and I was so very sensitive to everything, and (2) everyone grieves differently. 

    I hope it passes quickly. 
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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    I'm so sorry @KristenAlicia. You are in my thoughts.
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    I'm so sorry. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    My heart is breaking for you right now. I'm on the verge of tears.
    I'm sending New York hugs over to California.
    Men handle things different. My husband was an ass after my first loss and said that maybe now was not the right time for another baby so the loss was for the best. After unleashing my hormonal rage on him he changed his mind quickly. You let him deal with it however he needs to and you worry about yourself.
    I won't lie and tell you it will be easy. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through. But I got through it. I'm sad still and my first loss is almost two years ago.
    I am here for you always.

      Me:39, DH:40

    DD born 8/96, DS born 8/04

    TTC#3

    NTNP since 2006, active trying 1/13

    Natural M/C 3/13 at 7 weeks

    CP 2/14

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

             imageimage

    All welcome

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    KirstenAlecia I am grieving for you!  What a blow and right before Thanksgiving and with your telling family, the timing could not be harder. I am so sorry honey.  I think the previous posters gave realy good advice about how people process grief differently. I hope that in a little time your DH will realize what a devastation this is, even if he didn't get his hopes fully up at first. It will take time to sink in. But stay open to him, stay vulnerable. Cry. Hydrate. I am so sorry.
    TTC#1 since Aug 2013, I'm 37, DH 41.  
    Maya Arvigo Abdominal massage (daily self care), plus TTC meditations.
    I'm very sensitive to diet (gluten, avoid processed foods) and environment. Have a history of inflammation and tendinitis before going off gluten in 2009.  
    July 2014 - RE Visit #1: Eggs look good, Endometrioma on R ovary, HSG showed blocked R tube close to ovary. DH SA normal 
    DX: Endometriosis probably the IF cause and gunking up tubes.  Since egg reserve is high, RE says I can wait a couple months and then get laproscopic surgery to remove endo & clear tube.  If that doesn't help then move to IVF. 
    Dec 2014 - Saw new RE - does not recommend surgery on tube as it isn't likely to help.  Doubts I have endometriosis.  My endometrioma shrunk to neglible size (yay!) 
    Seriously considering IVF in March/April
    12/17/14 - Natural BFP! 
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    I'm really sorry for your loss @KirstenAlecia‌. Men are so different from women when they express their emotions (or lack thereof rather) try not to take it to heart. Remain close and just let him comfort you. I wouldn't want to go out of town either. You need to rest and take care of yourself now. *hugs*
    Me 42, DH 33, TTC for about a year naturally (but no protection for 4 yrs). Together 6 yrs, married June 2014.
    CD 3, FSH of 15, E2 67, AMH 0.43, LH 6.2, normal HSG test
    DH good count but low volume, 87% motility, 1% morphology
    IUI#1 - Nov 2014, 100 mg clomid and HCG, 2 large follies 20 & 16mm (7 follies total). BFN
    IVF# 1 Jan 2014, 225 Gonal F, 225 Menopur, Ganirelix, 4R/3M/1F w/ICSI - PUPO!
    image

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    My heart literally sank when I saw this. I feel so bad. Saying sorry just doesn't come close.
    Sometimes I think it's different for most men, they don't have the same mental attachment that we form so early on. At least they are strong for us to lean on through these hard times.
    Big hugs to you.
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    Thank you ladies. 
    Im so very sad. I thought that IF something happened I would handle it a little better than i actually am. I think part of it is I had started to let the thought creep into my head that H and I could not get PG.

    So of coarse H is trying his hardest to soften this blow. He says things like "something wasn't right" and "Now we know we can" and even "Im gonna get you PG the minute they say its safe........just watch"

    Im scared to try again. I am at this moment amazed at the strength that you ladies who have been through this multiple times have. 

    I feel like when the actual MC happens and it passes maybe i will be able to start healing but at the moment i feel like I'm carrying LO around with a body thats in total denial. I just want it to happen already. 

    At least i have this board to come back to...
    SIGGY WARNING
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away






    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
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    So, so, so sorry. Tons of T&Ps your way
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    @kristenalecia oh Hon.  We just don't know how we would react to something until it happens.  I have thought, "Oh, I could handle this or that" on traumatic experiences and was SO wrong when I went through them.  I have taken the view in life: I hope the best, brace the worst and do my best.  As that is all I can do, is my best. 

    It is hard not to, but try not think about the tomorrows when it comes to TTC.  Take care of the here and now and allow yourself to move through this emotionally and take care of you.  Tomorrow, next week, next month is a whole new day. Right here and right now is what matters.  HUGS
    ****Siggy Warning***
    ~Formerly ABabyMabe4us



    Me(35) Him(35) Untied for life 4/1/2015.
    TTC Our 1st since 8/2014
    MC @ 7 weeks 5/2014
    Me: DD#1 3/2000, DD#2 6/2001, DS 5/2003
    BFP: 2/19/2015 EDD: 11/1/2015 IT'S A BOY!!!!

    image
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    @KirstenAlecia - I let out a huge "OH NO!" when I read the title to your post!! I am So, So sorry for what you are going through!! We are all hear for you. Please take care of yourself and feel free to vent as much as you need to! Sending you big hugs!! xo
    Me: 38 ~  DH: 38 ~   DD: 8
    TTC #2 since March/April 2014.
     
     
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    Shit, I am so sorry. I couldn't even tell my parents. I had to tell my sister and have her pass it on to everyone else.
    And I'm sorry your H is saying those hurtful things. I know he thinks he is trying to help but it doesn't.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
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    So sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs. Men process thing different. My ex DH left me at the hospital alone when I lost mine. But his was he was just a ass hole thing. Most likely it is hurting him as much as it is you but a lot of men in this situation feel the need to "be strong" for us. So They don't show just how sad they are.
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    I'm sorry for your loss. T&P to you and your family.
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    tlc35 said:
    Shit, I am so sorry. I couldn't even tell my parents. I had to tell my sister and have her pass it on to everyone else. And I'm sorry your H is saying those hurtful things. I know he thinks he is trying to help but it doesn't.
    You know.......its not really hurting that he is saying them. I mean I know him so well so i know his intentions are not to hurt.......so in that way its not hurting me any more. I think he just doesn't get the fear that i have at the idea of trying again. I will not make that decision until we get through this. 
    SIGGY WARNING
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away






    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
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    I think it's smart that you're waiting to make that decision. You are still going through this and you need time so give yourself all the time you need. In the meantime we are here if you need anything!

    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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    I am so heartbroken to see this news, K. Although we can't support you in person, we are here to lend an ear. So many hugs to you tonight.

    image

                 Visit The Nest!image Visit The Nest!

      "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt


                                                 image


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    Oh no! I'm so sorry! Take care of yourself!
    *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***
    Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)
    7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)
    3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014
    12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!
    First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!
    Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl! :) 
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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    No! NO! NOO! NOOO!  This is so not fair!  Why does it seem the universe is picking on our board.  I am heartbroken to see this after all you guys have been through.  As PPs have said, people process things differently.  When we had ours, DH was upset and sad, but he was in the it will happen again (BFP) camp, we can try again.  I think a lot of men 1) as @CML11 said, don't have the early attachment we do 2) don't think as far into the future as we do, so they haven't thought past first trimester, where as a lot of us have already started thinking nursery options and delivery preferences 3)  They don't worry about the time is ticking urgency, diminished ovary capacity, or increase in genetic problems/miscarriages AMA brings and have the "it will happen again no need to worry" mentality that my DH has.  Thoughts and prayers of comfort and healing to you.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Me 36 DH 39

    DD 3/29/12
                      BFP 6/4/14 ~ MMC 7/7/14 ~ D&C 7/15/14            
    BFP 11/28/14 ~ MMC  12/29/14    

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that whether naturally or through Dr intervention the physical process isn't too taxing.

    Huge hugs. Please come and vent here whenever you need to.
    image
    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
    image


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    I am so very sorry for your loss. And I think you should take care of yourself whatever that may look like. My hubby trys to be supportive but he doesn't quite understand the attachment we, as women, have. Sending hugs.

    ***TW****MC mentioned & BFP mentioned***


    me 38 DH 39.  
    TTC#1 since July 2014
    AMH 0.1, DOR, Poor responder
    Moved to Prague, Czech Republic for IVF
    2 Natural IVF cycles, 3 full IVF cycles, 4 transfers, 1 BFP - heard heartbeat at 6w5d
    Diagnosed MMC at 9w1d on 11/30/15
    Headed back home to Colorado 12/12/15

    DE attempt in Czech Republic!! 

    March trip to Prague canceled due to Pancreatitis. :sob:
    Headed to Prague April 30
    3 different donors resulted in 1 PGS tested embryo and 1 fresh embryo
    2 embryo's transferred (from 2 different donors) on 5/10/16
    BFP on 5/15/16 at 5dp5dt
    Beta 1 = 81 at 8dp5dt, Beta 2 = 295 at 10dp5dt, Beta 3 = 891 at 12dt5dt. Beta 4 = 2114 at 14dp5dt, Beta 5 = 4916 at 16dp5dt, Beta 6 = 13252 at 19dp5dt
    Heartbeat at 6w5d 133BPM <3
    We are having a GIRL!!! Due Jan 26, 2017


    BabyFruit Ticker

    My blog: www.wearethehammitts.blogspot.com

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    I am so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage, too, and for me that "missed" part was an added blow. Here I blissfully thought all was well, and instead my body had kind of lied to me for weeks. MH has also said the lines about "not the right time" or "something was wrong" and like you I know he meant well, but of course what I wanted was for none of those platitudes to be necessary in the first place. It is so unfair and I wish there was something I could tell you to ease the pain. If you need anything please let us know.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

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    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

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    My Ovulation Chart
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    I am so, so sorry for your loss.
    Me: 38 DH: 40 TTC#1 (and likely only) since 9/13. Saw RE 5/14, SA good, AMH 2.36, FSH 7.2, estradiol 69.6 indicating good egg reserve. Using OPKs. First Letrozole cycle 6/14, a burst cyst and a BFN. Second Letrozole cycle 7/14, BFN. 

    Update 11/14 - had laparoscopy 10/28, good news is that my uterus and left tube look good, and they were able to drain the cyst on my left ovary. Bad news is that right tube and ovary have endo and scar tissue, so they're pretty useless.. Best news is that we finally have some answers and a path forward. Taking 7.5 mg letrozole CD 2-6 to put that good left ovary through its paces. 

    UPDATE 2/2015 - We switched to another fertility clinic, but fortunately we don't have to start all over. We're doing two cycles of Clomid plus IUI, if neither of those take, we'll do IVF in April, potentially with ICSI. (DH's SA has gone downhill, likely due to excessive exercise.) IUI#1 2/25/15....
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    I'm so sad to read your post...it's so unfair. Try to be easy on yourself. Sending you hugs and caring thoughts your way....
    Siggy Warning


    TTC#1 since June 2012

    Dx: Unexplained Infertility / AMA

    BFP after 4th IUI cycle with Gonal F + Ovidrel on March 2014 | EDD 12/7/14 | MMC on 4/14/14 

    IUI#5 with Gonal F and Ovidrel trigger on 6/6 - BFN

    On to IVF #1 with a new RE. Started Gonal F and Menopur on 8/15.  Added Ganirelix on 8/24. Trigger on 8/26 for ER on 8/28. 8R 7M 3F.  Transferred all 3 on 8/31. BFP on 9/11 | EDD 5/20/15 - Beta #1: 56.7. Beta #2: 97. Beta #3: 1148. Beta #4: 3559. Beta #4: 7678. MMC confirmed on 10/13. D&C on 10/14 at 9w. Confirmed male with Trisomy 14.

    On to IVF #2 in March. CCS Testing on 2 embies. No go. Waiting to start IVF #3 in July. Surprise BFP on 6/14! EDD - 2/20/16 - Beta #1: 121.4. Beta #2: 236.4. Beta #3: 2014.

    December 4image

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    I'm sorry :( It is a blow. I know your mind is going there already, but please just process what is happening now instead of worrying about the future. Some people want to try again while others need some definite time off. You won't know until you get there. But for now, just focus on being good to yourself. It is a weird time, waiting to miscarry. I waited a month (which is not good--but I didn't know better and I ended up under nobody's care)...are you pregnant? are you not pregnant anymore technically? Just do what feels right at the moment.

    You'll get through it. It stinks, but you can do it.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




    BabyGaga
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    Im so sorry for your loss. Men don't understand since its not happening to their bodies. Even when you do have a baby he won't understand or think of it as real until the baby is born or pretty darn close. Its just different for them. I'm sure he is upset that you are upset because he loves you and wants you to be happy. Be good to yourself today!
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