Bf not happy ;( *trigger warning*

misslyssabrown

Hi ladies could do with some advice I found out a week ago that I am pg, I am 5+4 with my first child. I told my bf and naturally he was shocked but now he is saying he doesn't think it Is for the best as it is too soon into our relationship.
I am not one for abortion and do not think I could live with the decision, but at the same time could I face bringing up a child alone. My bf and I have recently only got together so it is very soon for us both, however now I am feeling as though I am being made to choose between my baby or my relationship. Please help

amystanbury

Hello!

Once upon a time I was with someone who when I fell pregnant I ended up having an abortion for. He didn't want the baby, ful stop! I felt like I had no say what so ever. Literally I couldn't get a word in edge ways and from finding out, to having appts, to having the abortion it all went so quickly. I always said that abortion wasn't for me and said I would never do it. But for my past partner I found myself in a position I never thought I would be. I cried and cried and cried and cried and ended up in such a rut because of it afterwards. I was so disgusted with myself for the decision but a part of me was asking myself the same questions you are; could I do it alone? At the time I was considering it. At the time I thought, if I leave I'll be able to do it, I have family etc! But to me family support is never going to be the same as a loving father. I was 18, there's no way I could do it alone. Now 3 years down the line I am not with that boyfriend any more, we broke up shortly after for other reasons! But now I am with some one that from the moment we met we just knew that this is where we are meant to be. I look back on my past decision and I no longer hate myself for doing them, now all I can think is it was the right decision at the time, I was 18 and was with someone who didn't deserve to have a baby with me, it wouldn't have been fair on any of us. Now I'm with the person I am going to marry and I am 5w 5d and weve been TTC for the past 2/3 months and are absolutely thrilled with the news. We really can't wait. My past decisions led me to where I am now & I regret none of them, now I'm with the right person and the person I'm going to have a family with and you just know that it's meant to be. You just really need to take things into consideration that may be over seen by rose tinted glasses now. It's hard to do, it will never be an easy decision. But deep down with that previous partner I knew I wasn't going to be with him forever, I knew he wasn't the one - I'm glad I asked myself the question of what's the point in bringing something that lasts forever into something temporary?

I hope this helps! I'm so sorry you're in this positio because I know how horrible it can be. Feel free to private message me for more support.

*ladies please don't judge my past decisions*

misslyssabrown

Thank you so much for your reply, I think thats what makes it even more difficult, I appreciate how soon things are but at the same time this decision is making me question our future relationship also. If i was to go with his decision I would always resent the fact that i did that and the decision would haunt me. However if i choose to go ahead well do we break up now as he has already stated that he is not in a position to have a baby at this moment in time. 

I was with an ex partner for almost 10 years and never fell pregnant once after years of trying i actually believed i was infertile! so to fall pregnant so soon into my new relationship has made me shocked but also happy at the same time. I understand where my bf is coming from and i believe that everything happens for a reason, with my ex i was still studying, between jobs etc. Now i have embarked upon my career i am finically stable so things are a lot different, but your right am i looking at this through rose tinted specs......

It is so confusing to think properly do i go with my head or my heart, for the guy its an easy decision whereas for us girls we have to deal with the physical and psychological impact of it all.

amystanbury

I understand where you're coming from. It is such a difficult decision!

Personally I don't think how long you've been with someone has anything to do with it. I've known my partner for years but we've only been together 8 months! Now were having a baby and talking about our future together. I wouldn't judge any one if they said they've been together 5 minutes, I think when you know, you know. Do you know what I mean? It is just a difficult decision but it is one you need to think about. It's ok me writing on here; do what your partner wants or do what you want to do don't listen to him! Cause at the end of the day it comes down to how you want to handle this situation.

At the time I thought I would resent myself and always be sad about what I did but honestly, now I'm with the man I'm going to marry and who I truly love with all my heart I'm not sad about it any more. I'm happy I waited and I'm happy that I'm doing this with him, not my ex.

It's a hard decision and unfortunately there's a time limit for you do consider. So you do have to think and decide a lot sooner than you were probably hoping. From my personal experience it does get easier, time does heal the wounds, you'll know when the time is right

thiscoffeechick

Is there a counselor you could talk to? This is a big decision and while I understand that our personal anecdotes may give you insight, you probably need someone to talk to at more depth than this thread. Im sorry you're in this predicament.
And yes, please change the title of your post to "BF not Happy About Preg Trigger warning: considering termination"
The idea of abortion is very traumatic to some women on here for various reasons and it's best not to take anyone by surprise.
Good Luck!

forevergraceful

I think you need to make this decision all by yourself, without the input of your new boyfriend. If you choose to keep the baby, then you need to know that you will be caring and providing for the baby all alone. And if you choose to terminate, then that is something that you need to be emotionally comfortable with. I think Planned Parenthood has counselors that you can talk to for free. Good luck in your decision. 

OrangeGirlie58421

Have the baby. Babies are gifts, blessings, and humans. I was once in your shoes and my son is my savior. He has shown me the good in the world, has laid out my purpose right in front of me, has made me strong. Without him, my life would be a drastically different picture.

hollowway

Your body. Your decision. Women raise kids alone every day and make it work! There are resources out there to help you. Family and friends are also a wonderful support system. I would question your relationship, no matter how new it is, if hes pressuring you and not respecting your choice or your body.

After 10 years of not being able to get pregnant, this baby is a gift to you, and only you can decide what to do with it. Every baby is a blessing, whether they were planned or a surprise. Some of our best gifts are the unexpected. But its a choice only you can make. Dont let him pressure you into doing what he wants. Do what's best for YOU and your child.

MaritimeMama3

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My two cents: If you choose to terminate, even if it's your choice, you may resent your bf for it later on, even at a subconscious level. So, while you say you feel like you are choosing between your baby and your relationship, I fear either choice will jeopardize your relationship. I think you definitely need to speak to a counsellor about this. Is there a Planned Parenthood near you?

Chasity08

MaritimeMama3 said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My two cents: If you choose to terminate, even if it's your choice, you may resent your bf for it later on, even at a subconscious level. So, while you say you feel like you are choosing between your baby and your relationship, I fear either choice will jeopardize your relationship. I think you definitely need to speak to a counsellor about this. Is there a Planned Parenthood near you?

Yep. She beat me to the punch. This exactly. I'm not saying what is the right choice (as every person's choice is right or wrong for them in it's own way), but if you choose to terminate solely on the fact that you feel if you don't your relationship will be in jeopardy, you will most likely resent your bf for it. You need to make the choice that is right for YOU, not just your bf.

I would definitely seek out some professional help. Definitely check the planned parenthood in your area for help. Good luck.

misslyssabrown

Hi Girls thank you so much for your advice, I do think I will look into professional counselling as I know this is a huge decision to have to make. I just feel stuck that's all, I completely agree with you all about the whole resent thing as I will always have that in the back of my mind. I understand what he is saying but I just think he is not seeing anything from my point of view I truly believe this is a gift but am I being naive thinking I can do this by myself without any father input

oops34

You got pregnant for a reason. That baby has a purpose. If the father wants nothing to do with this baby, than so be it. It's better to have a life without a father than no life at all. You will find the strength you need to cope with your situation. As a previous poster said, adoption is always a good option too. Good luck.

forevergraceful

oops34 said:

You got pregnant for a reason. That baby has a purpose. If the father wants nothing to do with this baby, than so be it. It's better to have a life without a father than no life at all. You will find the strength you need to cope with your situation. As a previous poster said, adoption is always a good option too. Good luck.

Judge much?

Kay0910

I was 19 when I became pregnant with my first child and her father wanted me to get an abortion. I could never live with myself if I had. So I chose my baby and have raised her for 6 years alone. It isn't easy but I promise you it is worth it! I am now married to the man of my dreams and expecting our first child together. He accepted my daughter as his own from day one and makes our relationship that much stronger. Think of you and your baby first.

JulyMommy24

I have never been in your position so take this or disregard it as an uninformed opinion, but my thought process is this.

Having a baby does not automatically mean you raise the baby alone or otherwise, as mentioned above adoption is a great alternative to do what is best for you AND not live with the possible guilt and possible regret of an abortion. 

But mostly I think, whether you keep the baby or allow someone else to be blessed with the life of a child and you may feel like things should have been different, you will never look at your child and say "I wish you'd never been born" GUARANTEED you are going to love that baby no matter the circumstance, you will never regret it.  Can you say the same for an abortion?  

julesflora

This is my first pregnancy with my bf of 10 years. We aren't financially stable due to us recently moving, but he asked me about abortion as well and I personally couldn't have an abortion. It wasn't that he didn't want to have a baby but just the wrong timing. I was prepared to do it alone if it came down to it even though I really didn't want to. But I think you have to do what's best for YOU. This is your body and you are going to be the one to go through emotional and physical changes. I say follow your heart. My dad went through an abortion with his gf (way before me) and he didn't want to have the baby because he was not ready to stop partying and settle down and he told me after she had the abortion his feelings for her completely changed and he said he wished he never agreed upon the abortion. I wish the very best for you in what ever you decide. Just remember millions of women are single mothers and are doing it by themselves and you can too if you choose to keep the baby and he decides to leave but I really hope for the best.

gcurson1991

In my opinion after 10 years of thinking you were infertile, maybe this baby was supposed to happen? In my opinion every baby happens for a reason, whether or not you give that baby to another couple who can't have one, raise it with your family etc. I agree that bf should be out of the decision making process at this point he has made his first thoughts clear. It needs to be something you are emotionally ok with. And last but not least my fairy tale story. My parents met in september, got married in december, and I was born in June...I wasnt a preme. And they have been happily married for 24 years. I would seriously consider adoption if you feel you can't do this alone, I have seen what it does to family's that can't have a baby...it devestated them. Don't think of it as giving your baby up...think of it as providing another family with the most wonderful gift possible. I hope what ever decision you make you are ultimately happy with.

petrichor14

JulyMommy24 said:

GUARANTEED you are going to love that baby no matter the circumstance, you will never regret it.  Can you say the same for an abortion?  

I'm sorry, but you're just wrong. That may be true for you- you would regret an abortion, you would never regret having the baby under any circumstances- but that is not in any way true for all people and you have no idea if it's true for the OP. 

Do you seriously think no one has ever regretted having a baby? That's just an absurd statement to me. You can't guarantee to someone how they will feel about a decision that they are making for themselves. Even if you know them well, even if you know all the circumstances surrounding their decision, even if they're not just a random person on the internet- but certainly especially so if they are. And I realize there's a narrative in anti-abortion rhetoric that says it's is necessarily a decision full of regret and hand-wringing and trauma, but that's simply not the case either.

OP, it sounds like abortion is not an option you are considering, and that's fine. You need to make whatever choice is right for you and only you can determine what that choice is. Anyone posting to this thread who tells you otherwise has an agenda- they may feel it's a benign agenda, but it's an agenda nonetheless. Do what's right for YOU. The end.

ashiscute

OP screw anyone that is trying to make you feel guilty or resentful here. Babies don't have a purpose and they are not always a blessing. Saying that you will not regret having the baby or will automatically regret an abortion is ignorant.

I hope your Boyfriend is willing to go to counseling with you. And that you are able to make the decision that feels right for you. Good luck.

JulyMommy24

petrichor14 said:

JulyMommy24 said:

GUARANTEED you are going to love that baby no matter the circumstance, you will never regret it.  Can you say the same for an abortion?  

I'm sorry, but you're just wrong. That may be true for you- you would regret an abortion, you would never regret having the baby under any circumstances- but that is not in any way true for all people and you have no idea if it's true for the OP. 

Do you seriously think no one has ever regretted having a baby? That's just an absurd statement to me. You can't guarantee to someone how they will feel about a decision that they are making for themselves. Even if you know them well, even if you know all the circumstances surrounding their decision, even if they're not just a random person on the internet- but certainly especially so if they are. And I realize there's a narrative in anti-abortion rhetoric that says it's is necessarily a decision full of regret and hand-wringing and trauma, but that's simply not the case either.

As I said in my OP I have never been in that situation and she is welcome to disregard my opinion if she felt it was uninformed. I guaranteed only that she would love her child and would not regret that love. I don't think that's statement that can't be made universally. There are very few exceptions to this, and they are reserved for the seriously emotionally troubled. I was not saying that she would be necessarily be filled with regret and trauma after an abortion either I was simply asking her if there was a guarantee of love in that scenario. 

JulyMommy24

forevergraceful said:

You got pregnant for a reason. That baby has a purpose. If the father wants nothing to do with this baby, than so be it. It's better to have a life without a father than no life at all. You will find the strength you need to cope with your situation. As a previous poster said, adoption is always a good option too. Good luck.

Judge much?

I don't find this to be judgmental at all. I find it to be supportive. You don't need a man to raise a child.

oops34

I'm sorry if I came off judgmental. I'm not judging you. It's just my opinion that you don't need a man to raise a baby. You'll find your strength in the situation, meaning, that whatever you decide, you'll get through it. And I do believe that your baby has a purpose, again, just my opinion. It's not to make you feel bad or guilty or whatever, it's just what I believe, and maybe it's something to think about. If you don't feel the same way, that's okay. I'm just trying to give you a different perspective. And as other posters have said, it's your decision, not your boyfriends.

mommycheff

What's more important, the life of your child or keeping a man you just met happy? That's pretty simple to me. If you feel you can't raise the child, put him up for adoption.

misslyssabrown

Hey everyone Thankyou again for your replies this thread has gave me lots of food for thought. I took the advice and called a counselling service this afternoon, they have booked me in for next Thursday to discuss my options and to make a final decision. My bf has agreed to come with me.

It's so upsetting because i think I was so sure of my decision to go ahead with the pg i expected him to be shocked but not react like this. Friends and family are saying the news is stilt fresh (he's known for 4 days) maybe he is just panicking and reacting out of shock but I'm not sure he seems pretty convincing, he's just acting normal too I thought he may be abit funny with me.

Thankyou ladies again soo much your kind words are really uplifting sending kisses to you all xx

shelbutler

misslyssabrown said:

Hey everyone Thankyou again for your replies this thread has gave me lots of food for thought. I took the advice and called a counselling service this afternoon, they have booked me in for next Thursday to discuss my options and to make a final decision. My bf has agreed to come with me. It's so upsetting because i think I was so sure of my decision to go ahead with the pg i expected him to be shocked but not react like this. Friends and family are saying the news is stilt fresh (he's known for 4 days) maybe he is just panicking and reacting out of shock but I'm not sure he seems pretty convincing, he's just acting normal too I thought he may be abit funny with me. Thankyou ladies again soo much your kind words are really uplifting sending kisses to you all xx

If YOU were/are so sure, he shouldn't get to sway that. I understand that you want a relationship with him and him to be the father of your child; but it is YOUR body, YOUR life, and YOUR child. Adoption is ALWAYS an option. I'm thinking...what if you did have an abortion, but then maybe a month or so later, he says"Oh, I wish we would have thought that through some more, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad." You're giving him nine months to decide if he wants to be a part of the baby's life - but I think YOUR MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP. If you truly decide you can't do it, I'd much rather you say you'd consider adoption for parents out there that wish more than anything to have children and can't. If he is willing to have sex with you THIS EARLY in your relationship, he needs to man up to this responsibility. That's my opinion. Do not EVER let a MAN sway your opinion of your HEART. I did that with my career and with college and I regret it ALL THE TIME. Needless to say, he's no longer in my life. I would never make those simple mistakes I made in the past, and this is a huge thing to think about. I'm glad that you're seeking counseling on this subject. Good luck, my thoughts are with you for comfort and peace. 

popje

Ow dear girl, you will love this child unconditionaly no mather what, and i can't imagine there has ever been a mother who regreted having her child. Ofcourse you worry how you will do it alone, even the best prepared parents do! But all your child needs is love. Remember the years of trying and thinking it would never happen for you, how did you feel back then? Could you have ever imagined back then not wanting a child? I know it's not very pc to say but what if this is your only chance... , but please make your own choice, don't let him talk you into this when you are sitting next to him in that counsil room.... I only say this because there is so much doubt in your writing, i wish you al the best and the strength to make YOUR choice!

sschwege

misslyssabrown said:

Hi Girls thank you so much for your advice, I do think I will look into professional counselling as I know this is a huge decision to have to make. I just feel stuck that's all, I completely agree with you all about the whole resent thing as I will always have that in the back of my mind. I understand what he is saying but I just think he is not seeing anything from my point of view I truly believe this is a gift but am I being naive thinking I can do this by myself without any father input

I just wanted to say that you sound like a strong woman and I know you could do this, if that's what you choose.  The sad reality is anyone of us could be faced with having to raise a child/children on our own.  Not just from break-ups, but other things too, illness/death.  Some how you find the strength. 

BAYOUWIFE

This is a very sensitive subject for me (and others), so to avoid getting preachy I would just like to strongly suggest considering adoption. It is a beautiful gift if you don't want/can't raise the baby yourself. Good luck. T&P

mkrupar

JulyMommy24 said:

petrichor14 said:

JulyMommy24 said:

GUARANTEED you are going to love that baby no matter the circumstance, you will never regret it.  Can you say the same for an abortion?  

I'm sorry, but you're just wrong. That may be true for you- you would regret an abortion, you would never regret having the baby under any circumstances- but that is not in any way true for all people and you have no idea if it's true for the OP. 

Do you seriously think no one has ever regretted having a baby? That's just an absurd statement to me. You can't guarantee to someone how they will feel about a decision that they are making for themselves. Even if you know them well, even if you know all the circumstances surrounding their decision, even if they're not just a random person on the internet- but certainly especially so if they are. And I realize there's a narrative in anti-abortion rhetoric that says it's is necessarily a decision full of regret and hand-wringing and trauma, but that's simply not the case either.

As I said in my OP I have never been in that situation and she is welcome to disregard my opinion if she felt it was uninformed. I guaranteed only that she would love her child and would not regret that love. I don't think that's statement that can't be made universally. There are very few exceptions to this, and they are reserved for the seriously emotionally troubled. I was not saying that she would be necessarily be filled with regret and trauma after an abortion either I was simply asking her if there was a guarantee of love in that scenario. 

If this were truly the case we wouldn't have abused, unloved children in this world today, but sadly we do. Not everyone that pops a kid out loves them and there are certainly people who regret having kids. And they're not all mentally disturbed. Your sweeping generalization of the entire population of women and their emotions is rather annoying.

OP I agree with PP's that only you can make this decision and a counselor will definitely help you sort through your feelings. I hope you find the clarity you need to make this decision.

lexhusk

I can't imagine what you're going through. My mom had the same issue with me, she wasnt even dating my bio father. I pray for your heartache and wish things happened differently. I just have to say I'm close with soooo many people who can never have their own children and would die for the blessing of adoption. If you cant raise the baby for whatever reason or just choose not to because its what's best for you, they're families who could give your baby more love and structure then you could ever imagine. Also a side note, my gma convinced my mom to keep me and it was hard for her but she says I saved her. She personally would have self distructed if she chose any other option. When I was 18 I met my bio dad and we have the best relationship I could have ever dreamed of and him and my mother rarely talk but are civil. It may seem impossible now but good things can come from whichever choice you choose, just make sure it's something you can live with or it can singlehandedly destroy you. Ive seen it too many times. I send my love, keep us updated

AshenSky

I'm sure you have already had enough advice for one day. But, I feel the need to share my experience. It's not something I tell a lot of people.
When I had my daughter, my BF of 2 months was clearly not ready to be a father. But, I made him be one anyway. We got married. And had our beautiful daughter. We got divorced a year and a half later. But, before I left him, I found out I was pregnant... We were in shambles. Our relationship was shit (excuse my language) we were being evicted, he wasn't working on purpose and was becoming abusive. He was not truly happy since the day we found out the first time. But, I felt I could never get an abortion (with my daughter) and I couldn't have her live with out her father. All in all, 7 years later.. I ended up having the abortion with the second pregnancy, getting the divorce and raising my 1 1/2 year old with the help of my family and friends. He has since disappeared out of our lives (which is an actual blessing), and I have- no, we have a new man in our lives as of four years ago. He has taken her on and his own and their relationship is beautiful.
Do I regret not having her biological father in her life, NO, I do however despise having him involved in the first place. Do I regret having the abortion when I got the divorce? No.. I did beat myself up for a few years and had this thought that I did not deserve any more children again because of what I did. I ended up bein pregnant with twins (I found out at the clinic the day of the abortion.) But, if I did not make that decision, my life and my daughters life would have changed so drastically. She would not be able to be the person she is today. Neither would I for that matter. And as for my beating myself up, after 3 miscarriages I finally forgave myself one day while looking into my daughters eyes. And now I am 6w3d. And so blessed and thankful to have gone what I went through.
So, from my story.. There are two options. And both end up with a wonderful outcome in the future. The decision is yours and yours alone. It is the hardest you will ever make. But, don't let it break you. You will be stronger for it either way. If you need to cry, cry.. If you need to yell, yell. But, continue to love yourself. (This advice works with either scenario;) )
Sending love to you.

JulyMommy24

@mkrupar‌ does this not also annoy you?

popje said:

Ow dear girl, you will love this child unconditionaly no mather what, and i can't imagine there has ever been a mother who regreted having her child. Ofcourse you worry how you will do it alone, even the best prepared parents do! But all your child needs is love. Remember the years of trying and thinking it would never happen for you, how did you feel back then? Could you have ever imagined back then not wanting a child? I know it's not very pc to say but what if this is your only chance... , but please make your own choice, don't let him talk you into this when you are sitting next to him in that counsil room.... I only say this because there is so much doubt in your writing, i wish you al the best and the strength to make YOUR choice!

mkrupar

JulyMommy24 said:

@mkrupar‌ does this not also annoy you?

popje said:

Ow dear girl, you will love this child unconditionaly no mather what, and i can't imagine there has ever been a mother who regreted having her child. Ofcourse you worry how you will do it alone, even the best prepared parents do! But all your child needs is love. Remember the years of trying and thinking it would never happen for you, how did you feel back then? Could you have ever imagined back then not wanting a child? I know it's not very pc to say but what if this is your only chance... , but please make your own choice, don't let him talk you into this when you are sitting next to him in that counsil room.... I only say this because there is so much doubt in your writing, i wish you al the best and the strength to make YOUR choice!

----------------

Yeah, but not as much as your post GUARANTEEING she will love her child because NO mother has EVER regretted having a child and if they did they HAD to have been mentally ill. <--------most annoying and offensive part of your post.

That post up there makes my eyes roll, yours claims that it's practically impossible for a woman not to love their child from the moment they're born. Except that's not the case in all circumstances. If it were we wouldn't have starving kids in this country because mom uses her money for drugs instead of food. We wouldn't have abused children who are neglected because it's more important for mom to find a man than take care of her kids. We wouldn't have mothers who kick their daughters out of their homes because she's "stealing" mom's boyfriend (ie: being sexual abused by him). We wouldn't have mothers who kill their children because they don't want them.

It's ludicrous to believe that every woman who finds herself pregnant is awash with overpowering and everlasting love for their child. And to advise someone who has a really hard decision to make that it's totally ok to go through with the pregnancy because she will totes love that kid no matter what is irresponsible. Are you going to care for the child if it's born and mom doesn't love it unconditionally?

JulyMommy24

mkrupar said:

JulyMommy24 said:

@mkrupar‌ does this not also annoy you?

popje said:

Ow dear girl, you will love this child unconditionaly no mather what, and i can't imagine there has ever been a mother who regreted having her child. Ofcourse you worry how you will do it alone, even the best prepared parents do! But all your child needs is love. Remember the years of trying and thinking it would never happen for you, how did you feel back then? Could you have ever imagined back then not wanting a child? I know it's not very pc to say but what if this is your only chance... , but please make your own choice, don't let him talk you into this when you are sitting next to him in that counsil room.... I only say this because there is so much doubt in your writing, i wish you al the best and the strength to make YOUR choice!

----------------



If it were we wouldn't have starving kids in this country because mom uses her money for drugs instead of food. We wouldn't have abused children who are neglected because it's more important for mom to find a man than take care of her kids. We wouldn't have mothers who kick their daughters out of their homes because she's "stealing" mom's boyfriend (ie: being sexual abused by him). We wouldn't have mothers who kill their children because they don't want them.

Are you going to care for the child if it's born and mom doesn't love it unconditionally?

-----------
You don't think these women have some serious emotional issues? You don't think that if they received the psychiatric help/medication or rehab they needed things wouldn't turn out a bit differently?

And yes as a matter of fact, that is exactly what my family does! We take in the abused and neglected for longterm care, they become our family. My parents started when
I was 5 and the calling carried through to my husband and I.

This isn't going to be my hill to die on. I've grown up (literally) around the type of situation that you describe and I understand the realities of it.

I really can't help but laugh a little that of all the things that have been said on this thread/board claiming that mothers love their children is the most offensive.

misslyssabrown

mommycheff said:

What's more important, the life of your child or keeping a man you just met happy? That's pretty simple to me. If you feel you can't raise the child, put him up for adoption.

I love this it is so true. I think today I feel stronger I feel as though I am accepting my reasons again as my own as oppose to what he wants.
Your right it will be tough but it is not impossible, I am a strong woman and I watched my mom raise 3 of us alone no father involvement but psychologically as the child with no dad I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me whilst growing up.

I have been feeling so low since I told him and I think that the idea of a termination is so insensitive to the women out there who would literally give anything to be in my position. When I really think about it that decision is to appease him not myself. I think my major concern is what role he intends (if any) to play in the child's role, if I choose to go ahead will he be interested in seeing the child having updates about the child or do I prepare myself now that he will have no contact what so ever.

My BFF says he is being selfish and failing to take my thoughts emotions and feelings into consideration which I agree with but thought am I out of line for saying that?

Your advice and strength is uplifting and really enabling me to think about this with clarity so I thank you all individually for that.

Kisses and love to you all xxx

MrsC0409

One thing to think about that might make you feel a little better about your baby's experience compared to yours: Just because HE may not be involved, doesn't mean you won't meet someone down the road who accepts your child as their own and can step in as a father figure. You and your child aren't doomed for a life of loneliness. There are some great men out there!

ifwisheswerefishes

All I can say is: you thought you were infertile. And then, this baby comes along. Do not let that man make the decision for you. If you knew what you wanted BEFORE his blow-up reaction, then that should tell you something. If you want a child, have a child. You are strong. 

burkea789

This is something only you can decide but think about this..do you love him enough to terminate your pregnancy? How do you think you'd feel emotionally? I haven't ever had an abortion however I did have a miscarriage due to my ex kicking me in the stomach when he was drunk he also did not want the baby. Personally I don't think you should get an abortion unless you are 110% positive it is what you want bc at the end of the day it's your choice sweetie fallow your heart and do what's best for you and your baby Best of luck and keep us posted

misslyssabrown

You girls are amazing and truly inspirational I cannot thank you all enough for taking the time to read and share your thoughts opinions and stories with me. I am gaining strength again today in understanding what I want to do.

I was thinking today I could work part time and leave the baby with my mom on the days I had to work to help reduce childcare costs, you know I'm just trying to think of ways that I can come up with a practical solution of how I can juggle this by myself if of course he is not going to support.

One day at a time!

inLOVEalready715

Im sorry that you're in this position and have this huge decision to make.  My advice is to definitely make this decision for yourself and not based on the boyfriend, especially because its early, he can bail at any minute for a million reasons.  Also you're early, take your time (not too much) but take time to really think this through, talk with a professional.  You don't have to make any decision today.  I think a lot of times guys get freaked out about this and need a little more time to come to terms with it...so don't rush off and have anything done until you're sure.  You might regret your decision, whatever it turns out to be...but you will definitely regret it if you make it for HIM and not YOU. 

misslyssabrown

Hi ladies just wanted to give you a quick update
Well we didn't go to the consultation he couldn't make it but I could tell he was disappointed I didn't go by myself, I think he thinks the consultation is the end of his problems as after informing him yesterday that in fact that was all it was he was basically telling me to hurry up and reschedule it as "we" have made a decision.

I think I need to book my own counselling session and speak with someone myself as he fails to see any other viewpoint other than his own. It's as though we spoke about kids and he always talks about being a man of God but here we are faced with a moral situation of our own and he's basically making out its my mess to deal with.

So frustrating, I am 8w on Thursday and my first midwife appointment is later this week but once again I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place

Aside from that me and my bf have been getting on great but felt yesterday was the time to address the elephant in the room, needless to say he hasn't changed his very selfish mind

Sorry for the rant girls but thought I would update you!

Xoxo