TTC after 35
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Rant and isn't there some TTC code?

So I Work with a 39 year old who is now 18 weeks pregnant. She's had problems conceiving in the past with 3 early miscarriages and this will be her first baby after trying for 5 years. She is constantly complaining how fat she is (you can't even tell she is pregnant in her scrubs), how she doesn't want to gain too much weight, how hungry or sick she is. Or she'll just want to talk about her pregnancy all the time with other coworkers when I am around, especially when I am sitting right next to her at the nurses station. She is well aware of my problems with infertility and I just find it SO RUDE and inconsiderate the way she acts around me. It almost feels like she's throwing it in my face she got pregnant and I'm still not pregnant. Even some of the the other nurses have noticed and will say sorry to me when she goes on and on about her pregnancy when I am sitting right next to her. Isn't there some kind of TTC code among us that you should be a bit more considerate of your actions around women who are still trying to conceive after you get pregnant? I wouldnt be complaining about how fat I was getting or how sick I was, I would just be so thankful I was finally pregnant and being able to experience all that! Our nurses station is not that big, even when I sit on the other end of the station, I can still clearly her mouth (and it doesn't help when she already has a loud voice when she talks) Sometimes I just want to yell at her to shut the F*ck up when she talks! When I am the charge nurse and handing out patient assignments, I will intentionally put her in Triage which is totally separated from the nurses station just so I don't have to hear her mouth! She's only been on my floor for a year and 95% of the nurses do not like working with her because of her personality. I used to feel bad because I know no one plans to give her a baby shower (which someone always does when one of us gets pregnant on our floor) but I don't anymore because she is irritating the hell out of me!

Thanks for listening to my rant!
Me: 37 DH: 37, married since Sept. 2013. "actively" TTC for a total of 13 months (after 7 months of TTC, took a 1 1/2 year hiatus due to work scheduling and wedding planning. Started up again after our wedding in Sept.) First evaluation by an RE November 2013

HSG-normal
OH-tiny polyp found, but RE assured me she doesn't think it's contributing to infertility and doesn't recommend me to remove it because it's so small.
DH's SA-normal
Hormones all within normal levels
Ovarian Reserve-RE says "is great" she's not concerned about my egg quantity (which I was until I saw her and results came back good!) 

04/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
06/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
11/2013 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger=BFN (prescribed by RE, monitored with US (2 dominant follicles) and baseline bloodwork done)
01/2014 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger-(prescribed by RE, monitored with US-1 dominant follicle)=BFN
06/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger (prescribed by RE, monitored with US-2 dominant follicles), IUI #1 on 7/3/14=BFN
07/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, benched for IUI#2 this cycle, because I ovulated on my own before my follicular US. Progesterone suppositories=BFN Diagnosed with PCOS this month too. Testosterone levels high at 76. =( 
08/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger with 19mm follicle. IUI#2 on 8/31 cancelled last minute due to family emergency. 
09/2014 Taking a 3 month break starting this month. If not pregnant in 3 months, will start up again with medicated cycles and IUIs. Had all my labs and AFC re-evaluated this month also. RE says nothing much has changed since my eval last November, okay for me to take a little break. =) 




Re: Rant and isn't there some TTC code?

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    CML11CML11 member
    edited November 2014
    Oh that sucks! I work in a nursing facility so 99% of my co-workers are female. I do hear the 2 pregnant aides complain about their symptoms but thankfully since I'm in the rehab dept, my exposure to them is very little. Most of my dept is menopausal.lol Never thought I'd be so thankful for that.

    I'm sorry. I'm sure there is a code, sounds like she just doesn't care now that she's beyond infertility.
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    :(  That's really inconsiderate.  Have you or anyone pointed out how rude she's being to her?
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    I'm sorry.  Some people are just oblivious to others.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
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    Yeah, I would think there is some code but it sounds like she's just and inconsiderate bitch.

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. :(

    How do you think she would take it if someone mentioned it to her? Sounds like she may not take it well
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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    This may be a bit of an UO, but I'm trying to be empathetic to both you and her. Of course, she could be a lot more considerate of your feelings but is she truly being rude or is it just the sting of our situations that makes it bad? On the flip side we can't expect the world to change for us just because we are struggling. When it is our time to deal with the joys and not so pleasant side effects of pregnancy, most of us are going to want to talk about it with people and hopefully we will be more conscientious of others because of the journey we are going through.

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    I'm very surprised at her actions. I would expect a woman who hasn't had any losses or fertility issues to act like that. As someone who has suffered losses I am very conscious of others feelings now because I know the pain.
    I would let her know privately that what she is doing bothers you so much. If she is not a mean spirited bitch than maybe she will turn if down a notch. If she truly is a bitch then you need to bear it for the remainder if the pregnancy.
    I'm sorry you have to go through this I know how it hurts.

      Me:39, DH:40

    DD born 8/96, DS born 8/04

    TTC#3

    NTNP since 2006, active trying 1/13

    Natural M/C 3/13 at 7 weeks

    CP 2/14

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    I'm so sorry. As other's have said, I think she would tone it down or be a bit more sensitive as she has had the same struggles. It is inconsiderate, especially if she has been informed of her actions. On the other hand, @MelissaMiso makes a good point about the other side. When we get pregnant, complaining seems like part of the pregnancy club. When you get your BFP, you may find yourself complaining about those same things, but you will probably do it with more tact and thought to the feelings of others. ((Hugs)) that you have to endur 18 more weeks of this, but I love some of your strategies for avoiding her.
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    DD 3/29/12
                      BFP 6/4/14 ~ MMC 7/7/14 ~ D&C 7/15/14            
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    I'm with @hooligan4. I don't really expect everyone to walk on egg shells around me and I definitley expect people to have certain complaints when pregnant. However, this is someone that has had multiple losses already so it's very surprising to me that she's acting that way. I would just think someone you're always around that has had losses would have a bit more tact.
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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    Some people just need all the attention. Was she like that with non pregnancy related stuff before she got pregnant? If it's just her personality there's not much you can do, but if this is new behavior for her I'd be genuinely upset. Be the better person and ignore her, and just know you will be more considerate of others when it's your turn. Sorry you have to deal with this :(
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    I agree with @vh2014‌ respond in a sarcastic way. Maybe she'll realize how lucky she is to be experiencing those symptoms. I have always noticed once I wished for a baby, how much more sensitive I get anytime friends start talking about their kids around me. I'm the only one out of all my friends that does not have a child besides one other girl but she has other things going on.
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    I agree with previous posters. She sounds completely oblivious to others-- but there are people out there that truly lack empathy. I'm sorry you are going through that. You probably can't change her, but you can change how you think about the situation. Hopefully it will get easier to ignore her complaints.
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    Sorry your having to go though this.  Some people are just attention whores.  I wish she was a little more considerate of your feelings.  I would probably make a snide comment about her being lucky she was PG and was being able to experience them.  It may bring her bad behaviour to light for her.
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    That's rough. My guess is she is looking for attention and thinking solely of herself and not about anyone else (you) at all. It is selfish behavior and very unflattering, but it is probably not intentionally cruel. Could you perhaps take her aside and tell her that given your struggles you find it hard to listen to continual pregnancy talk? Tell her you "understand" how difficult a time she must be having, but that if she could make an effort in your presence to talk about other things it might not serve as a constant reminder that you are not as fortunate as she. If you say that to her and she cannot/will not respect your feelings then she is not a very kind or compassionate woman at all.
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    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

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    Thank you all for the great advice and insight! She's the type of person who thinks she's always right and doesn't like to be told otherwise. But I do love @vh2014‌ advice about the sarcastic comment and walk away! I'm known as the "nice nurse who never gets mad at anything" so it would may definitely shock her for me to say something like that!
    Me: 37 DH: 37, married since Sept. 2013. "actively" TTC for a total of 13 months (after 7 months of TTC, took a 1 1/2 year hiatus due to work scheduling and wedding planning. Started up again after our wedding in Sept.) First evaluation by an RE November 2013

    HSG-normal
    OH-tiny polyp found, but RE assured me she doesn't think it's contributing to infertility and doesn't recommend me to remove it because it's so small.
    DH's SA-normal
    Hormones all within normal levels
    Ovarian Reserve-RE says "is great" she's not concerned about my egg quantity (which I was until I saw her and results came back good!) 

    04/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
    06/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
    11/2013 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger=BFN (prescribed by RE, monitored with US (2 dominant follicles) and baseline bloodwork done)
    01/2014 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger-(prescribed by RE, monitored with US-1 dominant follicle)=BFN
    06/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger (prescribed by RE, monitored with US-2 dominant follicles), IUI #1 on 7/3/14=BFN
    07/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, benched for IUI#2 this cycle, because I ovulated on my own before my follicular US. Progesterone suppositories=BFN Diagnosed with PCOS this month too. Testosterone levels high at 76. =( 
    08/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger with 19mm follicle. IUI#2 on 8/31 cancelled last minute due to family emergency. 
    09/2014 Taking a 3 month break starting this month. If not pregnant in 3 months, will start up again with medicated cycles and IUIs. Had all my labs and AFC re-evaluated this month also. RE says nothing much has changed since my eval last November, okay for me to take a little break. =) 




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    I'm sorry.  That sounds awful.  I have to say though that no matter how much she deserves it, I really don't see how being sarcastic or confrontational is going to do anything other than make your relationship with her worse.  And more tension at the workplace is not something anyone needs.  You can get your point across without putting her on the defensive--"I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but I'm really happy for you that you're pregnant.  You know how much I want a baby, too, and to be honest sometimes it's a little hard to hear..."  Just my unsolicited two cents.

    But at the end of the day, @clgsquared is right--you can only control how you respond.  Hugs.
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.



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    I'm with @lcwed and the other posters who don't see this as black and white. I want at least  to reserve the right to complain when I am pregnant (why do people who haven't had multiple losses/other fertility issues get to complain, but we don't ?!) . That lady's story could be mine! except I'm not pregnant. 

    HOWEVER, yes, we always need to be sympathetic to others' lives. And this sounds slightly less like it is about being pregnant and more about her nonstop  and being annoying in general. I mean, if she's annoying everyone, it's not just your sensitivity to the situation. I vote with taking her aside. It can't hurt, and if she is still annoying, you still will be ignoring her.

    Good luck and sorry you are being forced to be around this situation~!


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    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




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