non parenting advice needed possible tmi.

proudworkingmom82

DH and I have been married 7 months.  Our marriage is great but our sex life is Horrible.  He finishes within 2 minutes everytime.  We have tried everything from creams to pills to condoms.  He's even been to the doctor and is going to a 2nd doctor in about 2 weeks.  We have tried oral sex and unfortunately he is horrible at that too.  I am at my wits end with it really and I am trying not to let it effect our marriage but I'll be honest it's starting to make me resent him.  I don't mean to and I know he's trying really hard to resolve this issue but I do resent him because I feel like I will never have decent sex again.  Seriously we can have sex twice in the same day and he will still finish within 2 minutes or less.  Anybody else ever been through this? Anybody have any advice?  I am really embarassed to post this really but I just don't know what to do anymore.  

Bythebeach09

I don't have any real advice, but I just know whenever DH has a drink or 2 it takes longer. Not to say that's a solution but does alcohol effect him? Maybe he's too focused on the end he isn't relaxed? I don't know. I'm sorry.

[Deleted User]

proudworkingmom82 said:

DH and I have been married 7 months.  Our marriage is great but our sex life is Horrible.  He finishes within 2 minutes everytime.  We have tried everything from creams to pills to condoms.  He's even been to the doctor and is going to a 2nd doctor in about 2 weeks.  We have tried oral sex and unfortunately he is horrible at that too.  I am at my wits end with it really and I am trying not to let it effect our marriage but I'll be honest it's starting to make me resent him.  I don't mean to and I know he's trying really hard to resolve this issue but I do resent him because I feel like I will never have decent sex again.  Seriously we can have sex twice in the same day and he will still finish within 2 minutes or less.  Anybody else ever been through this? Anybody have any advice?  I am really embarassed to post this really but I just don't know what to do anymore.  

Do you tell him what want and how you want it? I mean exactly how you want it. Try giving as much detail as possible.  You can also try taking care of yourself and let him take over toward the end. Hopefully the doctors can help.

tattooedtragedy

Did you have these issues before you got married? Is he under additional stress? Have you tried bringing in toys?

Bythebeach09

MamaUnicorn said:

Was this a change from before marriage?

Cock ring?

Omg! Love this answer.

They do work!

ShakeyJakey

Didn't you wait for sex until you got married again? I'm assuming he doesn't have much experience? I won't write off oral as horrible yet, maybe try giving him specific directions? It's kind of a learned skill. I hope the second doctor has answer for you.

ShakeyJakey

I'm pretty sure they waited until marriage for them to have sex together but she does have an LO from a previous relationship, if I'm remembering correctly

proudworkingmom82

We did have some issues before marriage, it was kind of an off and on thing.  Occasionally he could last a little longer.  We didn't live together before marriage and therefore didn't get to have sex as much as we would have liked.  We thought that once we got married and got to have sex more that it would get better. The only additional stress is the pressure to preform.  We have used toys.  I guess I just want the real thing, it's a sexual and emotional thing in a way I guess.  

ShakeyJakey

Oh, nvm!

proudworkingmom82

We haven't tried a cock ring yet though, I guess that's next.

dovetail223

You need to listen to a podcast called SavageLove. Dan Savage gives the best advice about everything you have listed above. It's free.

proudworkingmom82

I am his first but we didn't wait for marriage

proudworkingmom82

I am his first but we didn't wait for marriage.

proudworkingmom82

MrsGiantPenis said:

If sex was infrequent before marriage and not incredibly frequent now, i would give it some time before you start feeling like this is a permanent thing. So many things can have an impact on this, stress being a big one, especially stress to preform. However getting a second doctors opinion could never hurt. I would invest in some good toys so that you are also being satisfied while you two figure this out.

The problem is that it's very frequent now.  It wasn't before but is now.

proudworkingmom82

proudworkingmom82 said:

MrsGiantPenis said:

If sex was infrequent before marriage and not incredibly frequent now, i would give it some time before you start feeling like this is a permanent thing. So many things can have an impact on this, stress being a big one, especially stress to preform. However getting a second doctors opinion could never hurt. I would invest in some good toys so that you are also being satisfied while you two figure this out.

The problem is that it's very frequent now.  It wasn't before but is now.  But I do understand the point you are making.

proudworkingmom82

MrsGiantPenis said:

I'm guessing you have tried this, but do different positions produce different results? Certain positions will finish H off in pretty much a minute, while others he can last all night.

We have yet to find a position that makes a difference but we have experimented.

ShakeyJakey

MamaUnicorn said:

If you are his first that is a HUGE deal. Sex is a skill, and he needs to learn to work a bit more.

I like PPs advice about telling him exactly what you want. He needs to go a bit, then pull out/forplay and then go again. He needs to learn to sustain the build.

Try also having him come to a full stop inside you. Still feels good, but will delay orgasm and make his anticipation build. Then he can use toys on you and feel your reaction to them, but not finish.

Give him a little time. It's hard when it's your first. It's all new.

This is a good idea. Not an immediate solution but over time, something that could help. A minute of sex, 5 minutes of oral/foreplay/toys//even just kissing, and repeat.

Don't let yourself think that it's permanent! Don't think it into existence, so to speak. I know it must look bleak now but as long as you're both still trying and open to new things, it will get better.