I need to talk..do I believe in things meant (or not meant) to be?

J&D2007

Recap: after 4 Ivfs without success and still unexplained, it was advised by the RE I trust most to try DE. For those of you who 'know' me, I've had a really hard time making this decision. It came down to money unfortunately. We cannot afford more Ivfs with OE and then move to DE if no success. I've been slowing wading in the waters of DE. Browsing the donor sites, gathering info, doing consults with DE agencies. From the first website I was ever browsing (almost a year ago now!), there was a young lady I kept going back to. I met with her agency today and mentioned that she was my fave so far. She's a 5 time donor with 4/5 success rate as well as a child of her own. I was told if I chose her that this would have to be her last donation (max. Of 6 times allowed). Well, the donor agency got in touch with her today and she says she'd love to donate, but she's getting married and moving on feb 1. She would do a January ER, which means she needs to be on bcps by Monday. My head is spinning. Is this meant to be and giving me the much needed push I need to move forward? Is this a sign that it wasn't meant to be and I should keep looking and thinking? I don't even believe in signs but I don't know what to do! DH is also on the fence about 'rushing' ..but is it rushing if it's been a year now? Help me think this through!

sorrellam30

Wow this is a tough call. I personally know I'm a rusher and know I'd do it. But if you haven't 100% committed to DE maybe you shouldn't rush and have regrets....but then what if you do decide DE and miss the donor you really like.....ok I'm talking in circles with you. Such a big decision!

zazu13

**saif** hope you don't mind if I weigh in

I personally do believe in things meant to be, but that aside it seems like proceeding tentatively by having her get on BC would be an option. Unless there's unrefundable money at stake or something you could always change your mind if you had second thoughts later. It wouldnt be fair to waste her time if you were truly wishy washy but you sound like you know what you want to do. If you've repeatedly gone back to this donor, there's probably a reason. Good luck deciding. I hope the right choice becomes clear to you!

J&D2007

Lol @sorrellam! That cracked me up! But that's what my thoughts are like for sure! And thanks Zazu for your input. There is a pretty big deposit that'd be at stake. I really wouldn't want to put her in limbo by thinking on it more. I need to firmly decide!

luvboston

I would go ahead with her. One of my biggest regrets for ivf 2 was that we didn't get the donor we wanted and things were a disaster. It seems you are going down the de road and this makes your decision for sure.

ronniesgirl1981

My gut says go for it. She is a way proven donor and you keep coming back to her. I, too, feel like if we make the leap to DE, I will need a push. This is a push. You could have a baby by this time next year.

sorrellam30

Another thought is this- if you got pregnant using this donors eggs I don't think you'd be disappointed, whenever I finally get a baby I'm not going to look at it and be sad it doesn't have me genetics, I'm going to be psyched to finally have my baby. IF you think you would feel this way too I say go for the donor!!

beachy6

PAIF response

 

 

Go with your gut. Always! For our last IVF, there was nothing saying we should go for it. DH lost his job a month before we were supposed to start stims and we really needed the money in our savings. However, our guts said to just go for it. I'm so glad we did.

If you've been going back to the same person for a year, thinking this is the one, your heart is trying to lead you in the right direction! Sometimes, we spend too much time listening to our brain's logic and we miss what our hearts are saying we really should be doing. I say go for it! I'll bet if there wasn't a time limit on her, you'd just keep going back to her and thinking about it, right? This could be the push you need to finally make your decision!!

RunCC37

chills... trust your gut! Go, go, go!!!

Grateful&Thankful

*****PAIF

Count me in the "Go For It" camp. Her stats are solid & something has always drawn you to her profile. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose.

J&D2007

Against popular advice, I told the agency that I didn't want to rush and to let this donor go. Two reasons: first, she is moving to CA. Which means a second cycle with her if we were successful and wanted a sibling would be very difficult if not impossible. And, second, I think I am so drawn to her profile because she is very beautiful and exotic looking (what I WISHED I looked like not WHAT I look like). When the final decision came and I ignored her picture, the profile wasn't perfect for us. I don't know that there will be a 'perfect' in the end, so I hope we didn't screw up. Thank you all so much for the advice. I appreciate your responses.

ronniesgirl1981

@J&D2007 It sounds like you went with your gut. Whenever you do that you cannot be wrong.