Random Rant

Austrogermokee

We had plans to leave at 4:00 for happy hour. There's a 4:05 bus. Great. Well, until DH decided at 3:50 to spend FOREVER on the toilet, in the master bathroom where I keep all of my getting ready stuff, even though we have a perfectly usable guest bath. So now we've missed our bus and have to wait over half an hour for the next one. grrrr. If he'd used the other bathroom, we would have caught it just in time. I have no idea what possesses him, this is far from the first time he's been asked to use the other bathroom if he's going to be a while. And it's far from the first time I have missed a bus or been late because he hogs the bathroom. Grrr. Anyway, that's my dumb and petty rant for the day. Carry on.

sonpetitlapin

I want to know what possess men to have to all the sudden Have the need to spend an awful long time in the bathroom right before it is time to leave.  Geesh! My exhusband was like that and my SO is like that.  

Austrogermokee

Like, what takes so long? It's not like you need to earn an MBA before you can poop.

C_Girlie

DH claims its the only place in the house where he can have peace and quiet

vh2014

My DH proceeds to use the one downstairs... I have to go and hide in the one upstairs regardless.  It's almost like a badge of honor for them or something. 

lcwed

DH uses the time to catch up on his comic book reading.  He says it takes him that long to get everything out but I don't buy it.  We have been late before because of bathroom spells with DH.  He can spend the same amount of time on the toilet that it takes me to get DD up, dressed, and fed in the mornings.  I wish I could just leave my students for 25 minutes to sit on the toilet.

KateLouise

That would annoy me like crazy!

My DH has taken to hogging our only toilet in the morning. Which I can understand except our 2 yr old will go to the toilet and say, "Dad I need to go toilet." and he immediately says, "Ok I'll be right out."  and then he comes straight out. Ummm? If you can hop right out then what were you doing?

Having said that, I know I take really long showers and DH never complains.

wvarn

I found a small space heater facing my main toilet this evening.  It appears DH was there long enough that he needed his own heater.  lol

hooligans4

I love this. My DH takes three times a long to get ready as I do and spends forever crapping. My 10 year old is following suit.
If we are going on a road trip we are always delayed half an hour because god forbid my husband craps in a strange bathroom.
If I sit on the bowl more than 5 min my ass and legs start to go numb.
I don't understand men sometimes.

tlc35

hooligans4 said:

I love this. My DH takes three times a long to get ready as I do and spends forever crapping. My 10 year old is following suit. If we are going on a road trip we are always delayed half an hour because god forbid my husband craps in a strange bathroom. If I sit on the bowl more than 5 min my ass and legs start to go numb. I don't understand men sometimes.

OMG mine too.  I can't figure out what takes him so long to get ready in the mornings.

Nikolie93

I think one of MH's favorite thing of the day is to sit in the shitter forever.

I just don't get it. Why would you want to sit there and marinate in your own poop smell??

CML11

Omg these stories are pretty entertaining. I only get annoyed when he chooses our master bathroom just before bed. So I have to wait for him to come out before I can get toothbrush, face wash and stuff. At times I have to hold my breath when he comes out so I can grab my stuff and run to another bathroom with fresh air! Lol

emsmama15

OMG @CML11, I was reading these thinking the same.  I hate it when my hubby poops in our master bathroom right before bed.  And then he thinks it doesn't stink so I always have to send him back in to spray.  

CML11

@Heath&Jas‌ if he only knew this was a topic of conversation...lol

wvarn

May be TMI but has anyone else had to buy a plunger that has handles on it for their DH.  I shit you not. (lmao sorry cheesy joke, I know) I had to by a heavy duty plunger with handles on it. I don't know how much TP he actually puts in there to need it but he has had to use it to many times to count.  I call it his motor cycle handle plunger. 

vballbaby

haha this is funny. My DH is the opposite. I call him "the fastest pooper in all the land" he's in and out like Flynn. Me on the other hand, I like to linger in peace haha.

lcwed

@Austrogermokee I was watching an episode of Coupling today and this was part of the episode.  Thought it was appropriate for this discussion and a guys perspective.

Episode Clip

Edited to fix link

mommymatter

Buy him a Squatty Potty. It's a little footstool that is supposed to put you in the right position to make everything move easier. Maybe you could at least cut his time down! (And hide the comic books!)

wvarn

Found this, thought it was appropriate.  LOL

Nikolie93

@wvarn‌ I so need that plunger in my life! And I lol'ed at the pic your posted )

@mommymatter‌ I've heard of that contraption before but, I'm not sure about the other ladies, it's not MH takes forever to get it out, it just takes him forever to finish the job and get out of there. I honestly think that's "his" time to woosah or something. Maybe he knows that's one place I won't of nag him :-\"

Nikolie93

@lcwed‌ I just watched the clip and that's sot on I do believe!

vh2014

@wvarn‌ never seen that. ..our downstairs gets clogged a lot for some reason. Might have to seriously Check that out. Lol.

This is one thread that every time I see an update I have to read. Makes me laugh. Thanks everyone for sharing and @Austrogermokee‌ for venting to get it started.

wannabmama23

This all is so funny. MH is the same way...he drives me to the train in the morning and wakes up 10 mins before we leave and he goes straight to bathroom. I have to start rattling keys and stuff to get him to wrap it up so I'm not late. I have no idea what's going on in there.
He does want a squatty potty, but I think he's just in there thinking about life or reading something usually.
I also think it's funny when he has all this urgency if we are in the car and he needs to pee...and insists on pulling over. I'm like, you do realize sometimes I really have to pee too and yet somehow I can wait to the next rest stop??

susykat77

This is a funny thread and so true!! (not to make light of your stressful situation)

Austrogermokee

DH is a pain in the ass about peeing, too! I remember I was driving us home from a party one night (from dc to Baltimore, so about an hour trip). There aren't any rest stops or gas stations on the trip, so you have to go before you go - and you definitely don't need to swill your weight in beer before the drive like DH did. Peeing is just not an available option. For one hour. Full stop. On the way home he starts moaning that I need to pull over, he's gotta go...and I'm like, seriously? You want me to pull over on a busy freeway, then try to merge back into traffic with our slowass no-pep car just because you can't hold it like I do every time we make this drive? Then he wants to pee into a bottle even though the smell would make me hurl. I told him to hold it, then offered to stop at a gas station when we finally saw one (which he declined). We made it home, and he still brings this up from time to time as a case of me being the worst wife ever. Because not wanting to do unsafe crap on the highway while being his DD makes me the worst wife ever. I think because it's so easy for men to pee (just unzip and unleash), they have meltdowns when they have to hold it.

WinoGrrl

you guys crack me up. DH is of course the same way. I usually tell him we have to go a half hour before we actually do just to factor in bathroom time.

Nikolie93

MH always tells me we are "only making the minimum stops" when we go to VA, which is a 13 or so hour drive. He likes to stop THREE times. Well, that is all fine and dandy if we didn't drive in the middle of the night and I didn't have to down energy drinks or coffee to stay awake!

One time he pulled over and peed on the side of the road, I was so pissed. He looked at me and said "you can pee here too". Wtf? On the side of the interstate..really? 

I am surprised he hasn't bought me one of these yet...

KirstenAlecia

^ that made me laugh! Its a She Wee!

Nikolie93

@clgsquared‌ I won't lie, I kinda want one too