Second time the hardest?

Kiki33

Hi Everyone.

I know I am not super active on this board, but I felt the need to post today. For some reason, this time around is proving to be more difficult from the start than the 1st time. I can't quite verbalize it, but the excitement that was there with my first cycles seems to be gone when trying for #2. Now, instead of being excited about moving on to new steps, I just feel like an experiment. I am tired of being poked and prodded, of being on hormones and other meds, of losing the element of surprise. IVF just seems normal now and it shouldn't feel that normal.

The first time around, DH went to EVERY appt with me (even blood work at first until I convinced him not to come for the 30sec blood draw). This time around, it's more like "I have a sonohystogram tomorrow at 1." "Oh, OK." No request from me to have him there, no offer from him to attend bc it is status quo - it's normal. But it's not! It's an obnoxious and uncomfortable test where I feel violated and most women don't have to go through this crap to have a baby. Looking ahead to all the meds and the tests and the monitoring make me sad and angry - I hate that this is how we have to make our family.

Anyone else having a super hard time with secondary IVF? Dont' get me wrong - it was a roller coaster the first time, but this time - straight out of the gate - I hate this

Thanks for listening.

Davie813

I'm sorry you're struggling, and I really hope it gets easier and that you're successful soon.

For me, yes, the excitement is definitely fading as we get further into the process without success and start trying greater levels of intervention.  There are definitely days when I'm just over needle sticks, the commute to my RE's, etc., etc.  And stuff like traveling for Thanksgiving and having to park my enormous box o' meds in someone else's refrigerator is a little demoralizing.

But I don't know.  Sure, I'd prefer to get pregnant the old fashioned way.  But the objective is a baby, and if I'm successful, I can't imagine that I'll be giving a lot of thought to how he/she got here; I'll just be over the moon that he/she did.  Also, people don't talk much about IF, so we really don't know how "most women" get pregnant.  And I'm not sure it's helpful to think about getting treatment for IF as "not normal" in any case.  It's normal to get medical assistance when we need it--fertility is no different.

I don't mean to discount your feelings, because I know it's daunting.  We all have days like that.  But even when it's hard, you're doing what you need to do to be where you want to be.  Hang in there!

(As an aside, due to our works hours, respective commutes, and transportation situations, the only RE visits DH has ever accompanied me to were the ones where he needed to give a sample.  Maybe we saw it as the status quo from the very beginning...)

ETA: on second thought, I'm an old hand at needles and monitoring, but I'm just getting started with IVF itself.  I may be way more jaded after a few rounds of it...

pettycrocker

I just did IVF #3 and it's much more laid back. #1 was not exciting for me at all- it was terrifying, and H did go to all the appts, he went for all of them for #2, and as many as he could make for #3 as well- but after doing it 3x I do feel like a seasoned vet, and feel more nonchalant about the whole thing now. Well I wouldn't even say nonchalant more like overwhelmingly pessimistic. We're pretty sure this will be the last attempt, we have to have some more in depth conversations, but that's where we've been leaning for a while now. 

I'm pretty sure everyone dealing with IF feels shitty about treatments, regardless of what level it is. Normal people have a few beers, lay down, and make a baby. It's not supposed to be this fucking complicated. Meanwhile I see crackheads with 6 kids, selling foodstamps for crack rocks, but most people have to pay OOP for one $20k cycle of IVF. The world is ludicrous and unjust. 

/gavel 

bumpuser6119831

This round is just making me nauseous and the idea of having my lady parts explored any more this year with the dildo wand just makes me cringe. My GYN felt so bad for all of the violation this year that I swear I had the fastest PAP smear on record.

Also, for the first round my DH was at every appointment. Between the 2 FET and 6 IUI this year I bet he has been to 5 appointments period. I am forcing him to go on Friday for the first follicle count.

MoFree

I'm sorry you're struggling. Everything about an IVF cycle is difficult, whether it's your first or fifth time. Maybe I was spoiled because my first IVF was successful and resulted in my 2 1/2 YO daughter. Since then I've had 2 unsuccessful FETs from that first cycle and then did a fresh cycle with PGS and another BFN. From my perspective the failures become more and more difficult to endure. I often post on the SAIF board and it seems like everyone else has been able to conceive their second child, many spontaneously after an IVF conception.

My DH only came to RE appointments where his presence was necessary.

Big hugs to you. IVF really tests your mettle and is definitely not for wimps.