Getting my LO vaccinated: did my parents go too far?

astraea0889

This might be a long one but please bear with me. I'm really confused here. I'm 25 years old and a first time mom. My son is 6 months old and has yet to receive any shots past what he got at birth--not because we don't want to vaccinate. The pediatrician I picked out came highly recommended but I've had nothing but trouble with him. For starters, he's almost always an hour late for our appointments. He's also rude and I really just don't feel comfortable with how he tries to bully me into putting my son through endless bloodwork tests without explaining to me why he needs it. If all this isn't enough, we've been struggling with the office clerks to make sure they have my son's insurance information right. They keep wanting to bill my parents' insurance since I'm still covered under it but my son is covered under my husband's insurance and now for some reason, my son has been completely dropped from insurance and therefore isn't covered for vaccines (that's what we've been told).

Well, my parents found out and ever since they found out, they've been hardcore pressuring us to take our son to a walk in clinic or family health care center to get his make up vaccines done there. We've been doing our best to look into it because we know how important it is to get our little boy protected but we're both working parents and it's really hard to find a moment to really sit down and talk about our options. Somehow we managed it though and we're in the process of setting up a time to go in when, well, things with my parents blew up.

I guess we just weren't fast enough for their liking because they asked me if they could borrow my son then tried to make plans to take him in and vaccinate him at their local clinic without telling me.

The whole thing started off normal enough. They asked to borrow my son because my mom had the next four days off and my dad was going to have another treatment for his chemo done on Monday. I was more than happy to let them watch my son because I know they love him very much but then they started acting strange.

Normally, they're really good about keeping me up to date about what they were up to and would even send me pictures but the day after they took him home with them, they went dead quiet. I waited and waited but it was almost 3pm before I got an answer from my dad saying the baby was asleep in his arms and my mom was napping too. Then they started sending me pics and videos like normal but something just felt really off. Finally around 6pm, my mom told me that she called the health clinic where she lives and asked if they accepted babies. Of course they said they did but they told her that the parents would need to be there along with the baby's immunization record.

I was horrified and extremely confused. Why would they ask about a clinic that's two hours away from us? When we were we ever going to find time to go there? When I asked her why she would do that when I've told her we were already taking care of it and told her that while I understood she was just trying to help, I felt like she was really overstepping some boundaries, she got defensive and accused me of calling her stupid. She said if there was anything she'd done wrong, it was telling me what she did. Then she said she "gave up" because that's just how she thinks would be the best way to deal with me and I ended up having to leave work early to drive two hours and pick up my son.

When I got there, they had his stuff all packed up and had him sleeping on the couch. My dad said "there's his stuff. There's your baby. Now GET OUT! And let me tell you something--your mother did not overstep a boundary. All she did was make a call." Then he proceeded to yell at me and I think he was even trying to accuse me of always depending on them to take care of my son's needs.

They kicked us out of the house, out into the cold at 10:40pm, and shut off the light so we had to pack up the car and the baby in the dark. Thankfully my in-laws live about 5 minutes away so we stopped by there to collect ourselves and soothe the baby before driving two hours back home.

Now that I've slept for a little bit and have thought back on the whole thing, I really don't understand why things turned out this way. I mean, I know that getting my son vaccinated is extremely important and we really are working as hard as we can to take care of it but we want to do it right and we want to understand what we're doing and where we can go if we have any questions afterwards.

Was it really wrong to tell my parents that I don't think it's their place to make those kinds of calls without asking or telling me first?

astraea0889

Um... I don't live with my parents. I never said I did. Wow...

ashiscute

Working full time is not an excuse to not get your child proper health care. If you don't like your current pedi find a new one. It's quite simple.

Apologize to your parents. And get your kid vaccinated now.

blush64

Although I don't think grandparents should overstep boundaries I can completely understand grandparents wanting to protect their grandchild. I don't think trying to do what you said you wanted to do anyway is overstepping. Wouldn't it have helped since you were having such trouble doing it yourself?

Weezy56

Working full time is the LAMEST excuse for not getting your child vaccinated. There is always time because it's your child's health your screwing with.

"Weigh your options"? What options are there to weigh? It's simple. Find a new pedi, make an appointment, and go. Call insurance and get this nonsense straightened out.

If I was a grandparent I'd call the clinic too and make no apologies for it. You and your husband need to get your shit together and fast.

chickpea2

Apparently this is an unpopular opinion but I think you had every right to be upset with your parents. I'd be pissed too. It is important to do research when it comes to what is being injected into your child's body. "The vaccine book" by dr sears is very good and no, it isn't anti-vaccine. It's nice to know what all is in a particular vaccine because, I don't know, this is your child we're talking about here.

Talltrees82

You can leave work early to pick up your child from your parents', but can't leave work early to take him to get vaccinated?

Look at it as them helping you out and doing you and LO a favour by going to a clinic. It's not about you, it's about your LO's health.

chickpea2

Whoa dude ok. Yes, I did go off on a tangent there at the end, however I did respond to her question, whether she was in the right in being upset at parents. I was just responding with my perspective as she did mention possibly having questions about the shots.

dannie2011

Not only are you putting your child at risk you are putting your father at risk. The poor man is going through chemo he should not be exposed to germs your child could be bringing in.

ltmacs

It really doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong.  What matters is your baby's health, and getting him his vaccines...Did you find a place to take him?

jfletcher3113

OP, It seems you need to reevaluate your priorities as a parent. 

Siding with your parents because after all, it's been six months and you haven't taken action. They're worried for your son and just made a phone call. You should say thank you. 

I have a problem with this statement: "We work and haven't had time to sit down and had a conversation about it". 

 Really??? Your kid is going to get screwed out of a lot if that's your attitude about important things involving your child. I would never use the fact that my husband and I work as any kind of excuse for not putting the health of our child first.  It sounds like you and  your husband need to grow up a bit. 

This is important. Have a conversation and go get him vaccinated. 

jfletcher3113

astraea0889 said:

Um... I don't live with my parents. I never said I did. Wow...

Also, I love that out of all that @BubblesMartin posted, this was the only thing she responded to. Good grief. 

Amstreagle

You seriously owe your parents an apology.
They seem to be acting as the parent where you should be and have given you so much that you should be grateful for.
Seeing as you've been "trying" to get the vaccinations I don't think they over stepped at all.
You need to straighten your shit out and grow up.
As for the way they acted when you picked your child up I have a feeling there is more to the story and you probably deserved being set straight.

tbmadeamistake

Um, at my pedi office there is a sign saying, per the state, that no child will go unimmunized due to lack of insurance or payment. In other words, the state will fund it of you can't. MA can't be the only state that does this. Perhaps they over stepped, but it sounds more like they were trying to cut through your lame excuses and get the kid vaccinated.

Nekotaru

Wow, our daughter just turned 6 mos. and I swear she's had like 12 shots, including her first flu shot. I say 12 because some shots are multiple parts and they need to be taken back at certain intervals to receive, so not only would you be late on certain vaccines but by the time the LO gets 2nd or 3rd parts to those shots it will be even WAY later! So you really should have had that done. I mean life is rough but yeah some things are so important you MAKE time for them no matter what. Sounds like your parents live a bit farther from you, my parents also live about 2 hours from me, so I know this commute and all those hours commuting to and fro could be spent taking care of the insurance as well as the baby's shots.

Please, please, please get the shots. I know you said you aren't an anti-vaccer, but you may as well be if they are missing all these important vaccinations!

To put it into perspective, this means your baby is NOT vaccinated for the following:

- 3 DTAP shots

- 3 Hep B shots

- 3 HiB shots
- 3 PCV shots
- 2+ Polio shots
- 3 Rotovirus shots 
- Flu shot (@ 6 mos.)

so 12 was being generous, you could be like, 18+ shots BEHIND.

wow.