UO

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

I've got one! This board is about to light up with our first UO post in a month.

I am not a fan of those girly outfits with the mishmash of patterns and the leggings with the ruffly bottoms - usually involving far more chevron than one outfit could ever need, occasionally also involving stripes and polka dots in the same outfit. And the ruffle-bottomed leggings aren't my style either. These outfits usually remind me of clown suits.

fancefpp · November 2014

I don't mind clutter like toys, books, art projects but I hate dirty dishes in sink or dust and crumbs. I vac like three times a day with my cordless stick vac. Love that thing!

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

I have a serious one too. It stems from my mom having been adopted in the 1950s and some research we have had done recently to find her birth family. We learned she has a younger sister who was also adopted and we have her birth certificate (they were born in another country and adopted by Americans). Unfortunately we don't know the younger sister's adoptive family's name and the US state where my mom (and probably her sister) was adopted has restrictive laws in place sealing the records of all private adoptions, even those that took place nearly 60 years ago. So even though this agency could probably help us, they won't because of these privacy laws.

My UO is that I think such records should be unsealed when the adoptee turns 18. The adoptee can always choose not to have a relationship with their birth family if they are contacted. I think the privacy laws protecting adult adoptees do more harm than good.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

I think we had a quite heated debate over the summer about the appropriate level of housework that one should do when rearing a toddler. Most of us agreed there is a big difference between messy and dirty.

Since then, I have started doing even less cleaning because with two toddlers who follow me around dumping out all the shit I just put away, straightening up is utterly pointless.

However, my H makes fun of me for cleaning for the cleaners. I just think it's rude to expect the cleaners to put our shit away so they can actually clean the surfaces, and, more importantly, I don't like strangers handling my used tampons. So I take out the bathroom trash before they come to clean.

jesselayne8 · November 2014

@PumpkinAndThePeanut‌ cleaning before the cleaners is absolutely necessary. The sad part is it takes me a solid 2-3hrs to put everything in it's proper place before them come.

emmy236 · November 2014

I still feel super pressure to keep a clean house. Our friends/neighbors mostly have one SAH parent or one parent who only works PT and a cleaning service on top so of course their houses are spotless. We just started setting up a cleaning person because I can handle the organization and day to day stuff but the deep cleaning I just don't have time for. DH makes me feel guilty but I don't see his ass picking up a toilet brush or a mop! I know his parents will give me a hard time but honestly I don't care because I'm less stressed knowing every two weeks I have some help.

ETA: I guess my UO would be that I'm judgy at friends who are SAHMs of older kids and still hire a cleaning service. I get it now because babies and toddlers are just train wrecks but if I was able to SAH I would feel a service was a waste of money.

fancefpp · November 2014

I guess my cleaning UO is that a cleaning service, at this stage, would be pointless because the house would be a mess like 20 mins after they leave, especially with DS1 missing the potty all the time. It would be like getting a manicure and having it chip right after you walk out the door.

huzzahuzza · November 2014

My UO, I can't stand Sex in the City. I don't think it's a good show

Blueyed228 · November 2014

I clean up the mess at the end of the day once they go to bed and I clean up all food/dirty trays/dishes after each meal because food stuff skeeves me.

In regards to sealed documents, I'm pretty sure they can be unsealed if the birth mom wants them to be. I also think there being no privacy after 18y might influence some mothers to not do it and I worry about those babies being in a bad situation.

Also, and I guess this is my UO, those birth mothers have every right to privacy. If they don't want to be found, that's their right. I do think though if its a closed adoption, there needs to be extensive family medical history given from the birth parents. That said, its still sad for the adoptive kids.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

In my case, the birth mother died in 1966 and in another country. I guess I agree with @Blueyed228‌ that the birth mother should have a right to privacy but there should be some balances in place to prevent my mom's situation.... Either the records are unsealed when the birth parents die or they are unsealed when a certain number of years (20? 40?) pass after the adoption. Sealing the records of the adoption of a 60 year old woman whose parents have been dead for 40 years just seems unfair to me.

Blueyed228 · November 2014

I almost want to agree if the birth parents die, but then I think of the privacy of the rest of that family involved.

Maybe if the birth parents die, both sibling can be contacted and told about each other, and only if both want to have contact, release their info while keeping birth parents still sealed.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

In my mom's case, she has always had her birth certificate, which states both parents' names. Now we have her sister's birth certificate as well. So the birth parents' identity has always been known to us. It's the adoptive parents' privacy who is being protected here (as well as my aunt, the adoptee). And while I agree that is appropriate for adopted children or young adults, those people are probably also dead or at least very old now.

What happens in closed adoptions today? Do adoptees not get their birth certificates? Are they redacted to remove the birth parents' names? I'm curious how this works.

Blueyed228 · November 2014

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:

What happens in closed adoptions today? Do adoptees not get their birth certificates? Are they redacted to remove the birth parents' names? I'm curious how this works.

I'm not sure.

I have a friend who works to help unseal closed adoptions and her opinions on it really rub me wrong. She herself is adopted so I try to sympathize with her coming from a personal place with it, but she doesn't think the birth parents have any right to remain anonymous.

And maybe some adopted kids don't want to be found by birth parents. The unsealing works both ways. If birth mom decides in 25 years she changed her mind about being anonymous, doesnt the kid have the right to not be found if they don't want to?

I guess the recent trend of open adoptions being the new norm is a good thing. The info is available if anyone wants it. Or at least there is a middle man to contact both parties on each others behalf while still protecting the kids.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

I guess my feeling is that if everyone involved is an adult, they have the right to choose not to reply or forge a relationship if they are contacted.

Blueyed228 · November 2014

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:
I guess my feeling is that if everyone involved is an adult, they have the right to choose not to reply or forge a relationship if they are contacted.

I think I look at it like medical records. There is an expectation of privacy. With adoption the contract was privacy. It should be honored. If agencies want to change that policy from here on out for future cases? I'm on board with that.

bumpuser3155624 · November 2014

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:
I've got one! This board is about to light up with our first UO post in a month.

I am not a fan of those girly outfits with the mishmash of patterns and the leggings with the ruffly bottoms - usually involving far more chevron than one outfit could ever need, occasionally also involving stripes and polka dots in the same outfit. And the ruffle-bottomed leggings aren't my style either. These outfits usually remind me of clown suits.

I love these little outfits as long as they are on the simpler side. Some do get too outrageous and in my mind Mix-matched.

Edit for typo

coffeeandbooks · November 2014

Giving your kid up for adoption must be terribly difficult and I can imagine that under some awful circumstances (rape, incest) the mother would always want to remain anonymous.

With that said, I have tremendous sympathy for those that would want to learn more about their birth mothers. I think there is something healing and self-affirming about understanding your roots even if you are fully bonded with your adoptive family.

huzzahuzza · November 2014

@coffeeandbooks types the words I want to say so eloquently. Can you come to my world and speak for me too? I have foot-in-mouth syndrome waaaaaaay too much.

fancefpp · November 2014

S/O adoption - Has anyone seen Philomena? It's really good and based on a true story. It's about a woman looking for her son that was placed for adoption.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · November 2014

I really want to see Philomena, @fancefpp‌. We tried finding it in Netflix or on demand a few weeks ago but it doesn't seem to be available for rent anywhere except like in actual DVD format. (How quaint!)

bishbecraycray · November 2014

linegirl313 said:

@beaubecca, get out of my head.

And I really hate the people who are so self-righteous about their messiness because they'd "rather be playing with their kid." My house is pretty clean (except the floors, which are a lost cause), and I don't neglect my kids.

Yes. Amen.