anyone dealing with panic and anxiety ?

bsz05

I was doing good 2nd time around but did have a lot of stress unfortunately and is a student...I had that scary postpartum thought problem (sorry feel ashamed) starting 4 months postpartum and last till baby was 7 months it went away or so I thought until I caught the most strange horrible panic attack when he was 9 months ..after that it spiraled into horrible anxiety, thoughts, depression pangs ..I mean I put myself in therapy but got with one who wasn't even specialized in ppd n was trying to slap labels on me n gimme meds which I dont want ...I found another therapist who is much better n gave me a book called dropping baby which has helped so far but I feel like I'm bored with the same routine I don't get out much husband works very long hours. I joined a gym but I can't shake some of the bored sometimes depressed feelings. I was really fine up until this ridiculous 1st time panic attack which I thought may of been a caffeine rush. It ruined my mental health. Just to add my 11 month old does not sleep through the night and is very hard to settle since he was weaned off partime b.f a month ago. Also my ppd therapist thinks I'm not ready for meds which is fine with me as my body is very sensitive. I'm just basically trying to connect with other moms who got like this with a second child or even the first one.