Been gone for awhile but kind of having a mental block

csy2947

...and this felt like the right place to go?

I took a break from this board for awhile because I guess I was kind of buying in to the, 'if you stress about it its harder' stuff and tried to just...separate myself from thinking about it. But anyway, the treatment in my signature continued and in October I finished my 10th round of clomid and just kind of shut down about the whole process. And decided to take a break until January (the next step is IVF and I am switching my insurance during this open season to get some coverage).

Anyway, so my month off has been great really. I was supposed to get my period on Friday though and I took a test and it was negative and so mentally just accepted it. Theoretically 14dpo and bfn, I'm out, wait patiently. But now its Wednesday and I haven't gotten my period but I also can't seem to get up the nerve to test again. Which is the opposite of how I usually am, testing left and right. I just can't bring myself to go through another round of disappointment and then just sit around waiting LONGER for my period. Of course, I have ovulatory issues so I am only guessing at when my period should have come. I dunno, I'm feeling weirdly overwhelmed and annoyed like, why make me wait for the bad news universe? Why make even these two months of taking time off miserable when we're supposed to be relaxign and emotionally gearing up for IVF. It feels like there's no way to stop thinking and obsessing over it.

I know there's not much here that you all haven't all been through at some point or another...this just feels like one of the only safe places to talk about it :-/

BunnyBerry

So sorry for what you're going through. It's great that you'll be able to get some IVF coverage, hopefully the time off until then are relaxing and a good break!

It sounds like you probably just O'ed later than expected, or are anovulatory. Perhaps call the office to test progesterone and get meds to bring on your period? "Theoretically" 14DPO really doesn't mean much, unfortunately. Hopefully it's just too early to test and you did have success, though.

theholmanherd

I'm sorry for all you've been through. Have you really had 10 rounds of clomid?! That seems like a lot. Welcome back to the board!

csy2947

I did do 10 rounds. I was planning on doing 12 which my doctor and research rigs me is when the real risk of ovarian cancer starts. Since I am under 30 and had no coverage for anything it made sense doing a conservative first year. Basically anything beyond Clomid would have been very expensive and in January at least I'll get stuff 50% covered...

Thanks for your compassionate replies..got up the nerve to take the test and if course it was negative but getting my thoughts or helped me get up the courage so thank you.