It takes a village...Who helps you with your baby?

abundancenow

I'm curious what kind of support others have in caring for your child(ren)? Do you do it all yourself? Does your SO help? Do you rely on paid help? How much do other family help, like your siblings or LOs grandparents?

abundancenow

DH and I probably parent equally at this point. The first few months of both my children's life, I think I did about 85% of the care and DH did about 15%, but after I returned to work with both children he has upped his parenting. MIL helps a ton and watches DD while I work now, and often will have DS age 5 overnight on the weekends. No one else really helps out at this time. My sister in law helped a ton with DS, but she's dealing with some issues and has not offered to help at all with DD.

bullybutt

For me I do about 90% of the care.  My family when we go to visit them (usually on the weekend) helps to entertain both kids so I will give that a 5% credit.  Ex will play with DS from time to time and gets him to bed every once in a while, so I will give him the remaining 5%.  I'm grateful that # 2 is such an easy and pleasant baby. 

 

Edit: To add that both kids are in an IHDC while I work, so I guess technically I'm not taking care of them then but you get the point.

abundancenow

I work with a lot of teen moms and I am always surprised at how they can manage school all day and parenting. When I ask them about it, often they have much more support than I could imagine. Mom's, grandparents, aunts, ect... all willing to help.

 

@bullybutt yep, I was thinking about overall support with caring for your kids, not just while at work.

@Bliss+Berry It's nice you are able to get a break sometimes.

My children were totally wanted and I take full care giving responsibility, but there have been times I have felt a bit resentful that I haven't had more help from friends and family.

kjskjs

It's pretty much DH and I 99.5% of the time. The other .5 is when we get lucky enough to get a few minutes away when my parents of ILs come to visit. DH and I work opposite schedules(me M-F, him F mornings and S/Su) so we make the sacrifice of not having much time with the full family but we don't have to pay for daycare so there's the biggest benefit.

jnnfrrose6

It's mostly DH and I with the kids.  We waited to start our family until we were in the same city as my parents and I honestly expected them to be around/involved more than they are.  My mother is certainly available when I need her (with a few exceptions) but that's for the occasional night out or for things like this week when I broke my foot and needed someone to keep an eye on the kids while I went to the Dr and DH wasn't available.  I never expected my mother to be regular childcare, but I also thought she'd try and spend more time with them.  She's actually complained before that she doesn't see them enough and I don't get where that's coming from.  She's retired and welcome to get the kids from daycare or come over pretty much whenever she wants.

1982Babies

Our parents watch her 3-4 days a week when our jobs overlap (2-3 hours at a time). 

I really wish I would've asked for help in the first few months just to have some naps here and there.  That would've been fabulous!

BP607

My H and I actually left jobs making double what we do now to move closer to home with the promise that my mom would keep unborn #1 when I was pregnant with him...FF to his arrival and she wanted to be paid (even though she didn't "need" the money, her and my dad have always kept separate finances and it would have been her spending money) I told her I couldn't afford to pay her more than what I would pay in DC, so she chose to go back to work...FF to unborn #2, which she offers to stay home and watch..well needless to say both kids are in DC, so it's me, H, daycare and then my parents and sister who watch them.  

I honestly thought moving closer I would get more visitors/offers to see the kids, but no, I think my one grandma has seen LO1 6 times in 2 years and she hasn't seen this one since he was born.  

Like PP said, both my kids were absolutely wanted, but I too feel resentful at times that others haven't been around more, or we have had broken promises

caybeh

Lurking....mostly DH and I. I'm a SAHM, so I am majority of the time. DH is very helpful at night and weekends though. Our parents live 3 hours away. We do each have siblings in the same town, but they work. I have a few SAHM friends that we watch each others' kids for appointments.

PregsMcSnoozalot

My mom has moved in with us and takes care of LO while I'm back to teaching full time.  I thought it would drive me nuts, but her help is super awesome!  I take over when I get home around 4pm, and DH gets home at 6-7 and LO goes to bed at 7:30, so he doesn't get much time with him, unfortunately.  We try to do as much mommy/daddy/baby time as much as possible on the weekends  

ChrisB

We are pretty much 50/50 right now as I am on mat leave and my BF was temporarily laid-off until March. It's nice that both of us can spend lots of time with Spencer right now. That said, my parents and BF's parents are very involved and take him once or twice a week. We are very lucky to have so much help and very thankful for the nights off....and It's great bonding time for Spencer and his grandparents.

SimpleComplexity

It's me or the IHDC provider 99% of the time. The other 1% is when one of my friends holds him while I go to bathroom during church service.

I prayed my parents would want to be more involved, but they aren't. It's very disappointing.

Nichole8787

I don't really know how to break it down into percentages but I can do time frames...
-7 days a week I have lo all day and 6 nights. -dh comes home and plays with him from about 4-6 and has started handling dinner
-One night a week dh gets up with him so I can sleep
-about once a month one of the sets of grandparents will take him for a few hours

[Deleted User]

Mostly me because DH travels so much but when he's home he's very helpful, especially with DS1. My parents help us out often (they live an hour and a half away) and we have friends we can call on if we need someone to watch one or both kids for a bit.

Mamanorris81

It's 99.99% DH and I. My parents are out of the picture and my inlaws that live around the corner would rather watch court tv than come visit the kids. We have a couple great friends that will help out as needed and that's about it. It bums me out that our families choose not to make time for our kids but it is what it is. Thank god for friends that are more like family!

EllaSmella

I work 9am - 2pm so they are at daycare for that time frame. DH works a shifted schedule (7am - 3:30pm) so I get them ready on my own in the AM. DH comes home around 4:30pm and plays with them while I make dinner. 

I do bedtime for DD, he does 80% of bedtime for DS and I just come to tuck him in and do a quick story. I do all MOTN wake ups with DD because she's nursing and I am more coherent when awoken than DH. I'd worry he'd drop her or forget her as he's really out of it when woken in the night. 

My mom picks up DS from daycare one day a week and takes him to play at her house. She and my dad babysit once a month while we go out to dinner. They would do more, but we just don't get organized to go out that often. My MIL lives about an hour a way and watched DS maybe twice a year? She hasn't stayed with both of them yet and probably won't for a while.

Jordanjkmr

I'm a SAHM so it's me during the day with DH helping a ton at lunch (he has lunch at home!! Absolutely the best situation ever!) and evenings and weekends.
When DH isn't home for supper and baths (I've got three little boys) I have three teenage brothers that take turns coming over and lending a hand.
They live a few blocks over and so can walk here. And there's three of them, so there is always one free to help.

Like today. Thankfully.

kenziebug22

I do everything 100% by myself during the days and in the middle of the night. The only help I get is when my mom watches DS for a few hours a couple nights a week while I work and hes usually asleep in his crib for the majority of the time hes with her. So basically all me, but I am greatful she helps watch him so I'm able to work.

Tjacks09

My husband and I split pretty even. I'm a nurse so I have some days off during the week that I'm home with him but then I work every other weekend so my husband is home with him then. My sister watches him when we both work and my mother helps out a ton. Over all we have such great support and help I don't know how we would have done it without all the help!

SuperTinkerham

He goes to daycare during the week. Then I'd say me about 60% just bc of the breastfeeding. Mister is 40%, just bc he doesn't have boobies. His parents watch for an occasional night out, but we are pretty self sufficient.

Soon2BMrsN

My DH has a very demanding and often stressful job and I'm a SAHM of three five and under this year, so we're split about 80/20. He entertains the boys in the mornings and some on the weekends, but nearly all of the feeding (not DH's fault since I EBF), diapering, bathing, and housework fall on me. This is nothing new to me since we started this parenthood thing 5.5 years ago. Up until recently, I worked FT as well so it's almost too easy right now to get everything done.

As far as our parents go, we are very close/supported emotionally and we see each set of grandparents at least once a month (they all live about an hour away), but I never really wanted/expected them to help us "raise" our kids per se. Sure, they'll babysit when asked and whatnot, but having their support and letting them enjoy their grandchildren is enough for me.

nolemomma14

I'm a WAHM, so probably 90% of the time I take care of DS. DH helps a lot when he's home though. He will take DS when he gets home and I will go shower, and then get dinner started. DS goes to bed at 6, so I get the majority of my work done after he's asleep. On Tuesday's I have to go to an office for a couple of hours so MIL watches him. In-Laws live 10 minutes from us so they help out when we need. My parents are about an hour away, and have also watched DS on the weekends for us a couple of times.

TexasGirl81

My mother and stepfather watch both little ones on Mondays and Tuesdays. My sis watches on Wednesdays. My MIL on Thursdays, and H takes Fridays off to be with them. Of course we both get nights and weekends. We are so grateful for all of the help we have been getting. It saves a butt load of money.

ghostof5letters

I travel for work, and this week was gone 5 out of 6 days. Our village is pretty expansive. My husband is the primary care giver but has support from our parents, my best friend, and his 2 sisters. 

JLHV1909

AnotherDreamer said:

abundancenow said:

*snip*

My children were totally wanted and I take full care giving responsibility, but there have been times I have felt a bit resentful that I haven't had more help from friends and family.

I get a little resentful/jealous sometimes. Other family members get a lot of help, for instance, my mom babysits nephew 4 days a week, plus watching everyone else's kids after school now. She never came out, not even once, to help me with my girls.

I'll be the first to admit that I have been dealing with these feelings of resentment and jealousy.  We live 4.5 hours away from my family, but 10 minutes away from DH's entire family.  My MIL didn't get to come visit LO in the hospital because my SIL needed her to watch her kids so she could go on a date night.  My SIL's use MIL all the time to babysit their children.  She keeps the kids during the work week and on the weekend.  The ONLY time we have gone out without the baby is when my mother came to visit and purposefully stayed an extra day so we could celebrate our anniversary.  We couldn't afford my MIL's rate (yes, you read that right) and DS goes to an in-home daycare provider.  As much as I hated the idea before, I absolutely love that because of their choices my in-laws are on equal terms as my parents in having to make an effort to see LO.   

Right now when we are at home it is 90/10 with me and DH.  I EBF and he isn't very comfortable with little ones. Now that DS is doing more, DH is starting to help out more.  

*LrCg*

Our village consists of me, DH & our 4 kids ages 5 and under   We are not close with our families.  DH & I are pretty fair as fair can be- I use to work full time but after our 2nd child was born and we then had 2U2 I went down to part time 3 days a week and now that I have 4u5 I went down to 2 days a week (but I only work 6 hours each day).  So obviously because I spend more time with them I do a lot more but when DH gets home he's very hands on.  We get no other help outside of the nanny we pay to come over on the days I work.  I always like to tell people about how 2 hours after I gave birth I was setting the table for breakfast for the next day (true story- we do homebirths).  Can it be overwhelming at times, yes.  Do I wish I could do date nights with DH- sure I do but the fact we have 4 kids ages 5 and under we're obviously not missing out on connecting (hahaha)!  But the reward that I get from the smiles and laughs, makes me proud that we're doing it on our own and on our own terms. 

livkight

Our village is currently me, DH, and sometimes my sister. (She lives over an hour away and travels a lot, but she likes hanging out with DD when she can.) Our parents live 20+ hours away. They met Junie once, but that's it. DH's aunts and uncles live around here, and we thought we were close with them, but no one has reached out to meet our daughter. We're still trying to get together with relatives, but there always seems to be some excuse as to why they're too busy. We don't have many friends around here either. All our college friends moved away after we graduated. I feel like we're on a lonely, isolated little island many days. I can definitely relate to the feelings of betrayal and resentment that you're all talking about-- I really thought family would care more about us/our baby. That being said, my husband and I have a great relationship. I feel like our marriage gets stronger every day. 

jrinehart0

After reading all of these posts, I feel extremely fortunate.  As far as during the day, LO goes to an IHDC 3 weeks a day and my mom watches her 2 days a week.  When home, my husband and I are completely split on responsibilities.  I leave early for work, so my husband does her morning feeding and gets her ready for daycare.  He doesn't have a commute, so he picks her up as well.  She is sleeping through the night, but needs her pacifier replaced multiple times a night and he does that as well.  

Outside of everyday living, we have a lot of family in the area and they are all more than eager to help out.  In general, we probably spend at least one weekend day with family.  Family is very important to me so I'm very grateful LO is surrounded by it!