Bathroom at school...
MesmrEwe
member
Ugh!!
(Background): DD has issues getting backed up - to the point that she throws up from being so bound up. This is something that we've known about for years and really a "she just needs to grow into her bowels" type issue as she's got a cousin in the same situation who's older. We were addressing this with her pediatrician just before he ended up retiring. Given we've known about the issue for years, her teachers have always been accommodating because we've gone to them at the beginning of the year and said "if DD starts acting anxious or misbehaving and you can't figure out why, send her to the bathroom because oftentimes she just needs to go potty" because she also doesn't sense the physical sensation like a normal person. She's gotten better in the past year about when she notices those behaviors in herself to ask to use the bathroom, and sometimes it takes a couple trips for her to relax enough to "let things go" when she's binding up again. Next, the school has been having issues with the bathroom her class is allowed to use in that kids plug the toilet such that DD has had to go find a janitor (they don't leave the dang plunger in the bathroom!)..
So for the past month or so her teacher has been timing her when she goes and making her stay in at recess if she goes past the amount of time given (3 minutes). I told DD that yes, there's a balance, she can't be taking advantage of going to the bathroom if she's not interested in something in class, but that if she needs to poop, take the punishment, I'm not going to get mad about it! (really - I'd rather deal with a kid who missed recess than a kid who chucked all over!). Yesterday DD got to the car after school and just antsy/jumpy/nervous/etc., it was when I asked if she needed to go she told me that her teacher wouldn't let her use the bathroom even once ALL DAY! Thankfully we were near a place where we could stop to let her go, and once she went - TOTALLY different kid. We talked to this teacher at the start of the school year and thought she "got" the situation, and since the whole timing thing started DD has been asking for Miralax again (??what kid asks for miralax for cripes sake!?!?).. I don't think we're at the point of needing to get a Doc's note, but obviously if that's what it's going to take with this teacher, obviously we need to, but I really would like to handle it direct instead of going back to the doctor's office for something that REALLY shouldn't be happening for ANY kid (if a kid needs to go, they need to go!)... How would you approach the teacher to remind her that "hey - letting the kid go to the bathroom sure beats cleaning up puke from your floor because she got backed up and you wouldn't let her go during quiet reading/study time!" (obviously more diplomatically!)... or would you remind her and if DD still has problems to get the Ped note with an IEP...
Re: Bathroom at school...
DS has been a constipated kid for a while now. He's been on miralax for years. He's one who only wanted to poop at home so he was holding it in K until he got home. He ended up being so constipated after a couple of months of K that he had to be hospitalized for 3 days. He's better now (3rd grade) about pooping other places other than home.
DS was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) over the summer and began taking meds. Prior to meds, he admitted to using bathroom breaks to get out of stuff he didn't want to do in the classroom. He is also easily distracted due to his diagnosis so the breaks he was taking were extremely long.
Did you ask the teacher about DD not being allowed to use the bathroom all day?
Thanks all! I just don't like the idea of ANY child, let alone my own, not being allowed to use the bathroom during the school day when they need to go.
It is something we'd intended to bring up with the teacher a couple weeks ago with the whole timing thing but figured it'd resolve itself, I just didn't expect this (not allowing her to go at all) to be the teacher's resolution and ultimately something we'll step in on because constipation is nothing to mess with!!!
In a sense we did give up after our previous Ped retired since the last thing he did was get the situation pretty much resolved (told us to do a month-long course of Miralax to get her used to the whole idea of going regularly again, then taper off once things got on the edge of "too soft" .. ).. But also finding a replacement for him has been what seems like the impossible task. We eventually settled on a new MD who is a Family Practice guy who's good, but not 30 years plus for experience and not jaded from it all level of good.
To follow up and answer a few questions, yes, we personally talked to this teacher in-person before the start of the school year on the issue. She (DD) doesn't "soil" herself or leak or anything like that AT ALL- it's purely just an issue of having not been allowed to go frequently enough these past few weeks at school she literally filled up (she's a string bean and you can see she's backed up visually in her tummy region)... Things are just today starting to slowly move through but we're also following the issue incredibly close and if by Tuesday things haven't gotten back on track I'll be taking her in to her doc for the "get it added to the file again". This is essentially something we've had in the family. My nephew had it FAR worse than what DD has to the point the family has a "code" for his "I plugged the toilet, leave it sit for a few hours so it's soft enough to flush and move through the pipes!").
(final follow-up) We did message the teacher with the Principal copied in. We really hoped to keep things handled from within instead of getting her special permission from the doc. The teacher was pretty snarky in her reply complaining about DD getting an attitude when she refused to let her go (what we told her was the first symptom that DD NEEDS to go to the bathroom because she becomes a different kid once she goes) even though essentially we want the same thing (DD to use the times like between classes or lunch instead of interrupting during class with the request to go), but that the outright refusal to let her go backfired and turned into a health issue that all of us now have to deal with. It is what it is at this point, if we end up going to the doc, so be it. I can't be there with DD at school to say "o.k., go to the bathroom now!" to remind her and be proactive. Hopefully the teacher can make some changes to be proactive about having DD go when she'd like her to, but I'm not exactly optimistic given this teacher's personality.. Of course, I feel awful having to step in because I want to be supportive of the teacher's classroom management, but can't overlook something that's becoming a legit health issue if not resolved sooner rather than later when it's really such a simple issue.
DS takes 2 fiber gummies per day just to prevent any issues.
The GREAT news is that tonight the main toilet-clogging blockage passed with the trip to the bathroom after that being a "normal" BM and DD was excited that tomorrow she gets to have her Miralax cut in half to start tapering it a bit!! Of course, until things are back to normal for at least a couple weeks without the Miralax will we reconnect with the teacher.
Thanks all for the awesome recommendations and advice!!! @fredalina I didn't take your comment as being (negative) judgmental at all!! It was really true that we had pretty much given up on the medical route - but it was because the situation resolved itself by following the Ped's advice so a reasonable reason for not following up after that.
I'm just so glad that she's finally over the worst part and we're well on our way to things being managed by her again!!!
I am glad your DD is doing better!
No worries and ZERO offense taken!!! We've already tried those - fiber isn't her issue as much as it is the physical holding it in, always has been. My Ma pointed out last night "it's always been DD's issue - remember when she was just a baby and you had to take her in for not pooping and it lasted for months at a time?!?!?!" (back then they said it was just because of using breast milk that she wasn't pooping and using it incredibly efficiently so no waste)...
As for the weaning off the miralax - we know it's a gradual process, but for her it's been when she turns to having diarrhea we drop her down from the full dose because she is such a string bean. However it's also a sign that what was clogging has now passed, so a healthy sign too.
How I end up with two kids on virtually the same diet on two exact opposite ends of the bowel spectrum is BEYOND me LOL! DD got them from my side, DS from DH's...
My biggest concern through it all was how do you deal with the teacher without getting forever labeled as "that parent" when we're really the type of parents that are the "we support the teacher in all things their classroom and the kid knows it" types...