Ashes - Trigger Warning + Living Child Mentioned

Farrah626

We got the call from the social worker at the hospital on Monday. "Your son's ashes are ready to be picked up." I just can't believe I'm bringing him home in a little box instead of my arms. I'm scared of going to get his ashes and I also feel bad leaving him sitting on someone's desk waiting to be picked up. We're going tomorrow during my husband's lunch break and I'm nervous about being alone after. Granted I'll be home with our daughter who's a good distraction but I'm nervous about when she's goes down for a nap. I guess I'm wondering how others who have gone through this coped with this day. I think I'm still in denial of almost all of it.

Carolee

It was really kind of a blur for me. From what I remember, I cried on the way and while picking him up, but after I felt a sense of peace...it felt right to me to hold him again and have him home. (((Hugs)))

Farrah626

Thanks for sharing your experience @Carolee‌, it means a lot to me.

issytex12

My experience was slightly different i got a call to say my sons ashes were ready to collect but when i got there they wouldnt let me have them as someone had filed paperwork incorrectly?! Cue hysterical episode... I just did my best to distract myself i think until my mother brought my daughter home. I hope you and your family eventually find peace. I dont know if theres a way to cope if you have to cry then cry, in a way otakes it easier to let it out. T+P for you xx

lexusolsen

It was a hard day. Like you mentioned it was so weird to be bring him home in a box instead of a car seat. We had figured out where we would put him so we came home and added his urn to the bookcase next to his picture and a picture dd had drawn of him. Every once in a while she draws pictures of him or for him and we rotate them.

I will be thinking of your family today. Is there something you can do for yourself while your dd is napping? A book to read, a bath, or even a glass of wine?

ikrystal

Carolee said:

It was really kind of a blur for me. From what I remember, I cried on the way and while picking him up, but after I felt a sense of peace...it felt right to me to hold him again and have him home. (((Hugs)))

**ticker warning**

I felt the same way.  I bawled my eyes out when I got to hold the urn but I felt so much better that they were with me.  Thinking of you today.

msunshine123

I agree with @Carolee - it was the same for me. I cried going and picking up my son, but it felt good to have him back with us and to bring him home. We keep his ashes next to a photo of him on our mantel. I'll be thinking of you ((hugs)).

stefuge

The whole thing is so hard. I personally believe that my sons spirit is in Heaven, but those ashes are still a part of him, and it is so hard.

MH had decided he would pick up our son's ashes - he didn't want me to deal with it - but then he had a really hard time making himself do it and kept putting it off. Once we got them home, they sat on our dresser next to his photo, and then a couple weeks later, MH built a little box to keep them in for now, which is really special.

One of the hardest things for me is when we go out of town, I can't leave his ashes at home. I worry so much about something happening to them, even though we leave them there all the time during the week when we're at work and such, something about leaving them when we are out of town is so much harder. A couple months ago, we went to my ILs for the weekend, and I had meant to grab Colton's little box, but in the rush of packing, forgot. I almost had a panic attack when I realized we didn't have his box with us. Thankfully my parents live near by and have a key and were able to come pick it up and hang on to it until we got home.

Hopefully having your son's ashes home with you will be comforting. ((Hugs))

jenn.schott

All of your feelings are normal - or our type of normal. I remember picking them up and the wave of emotion that I try to keep down came rushing back. It is just so wrong and something we should never had to do. Unfortunately these feelings haven't gone away for me. We recently moved into a new house and that conjured up emotions because we were moving him in a cherry wood box. Queue the breakdown.

We are all here for you. ((Big hugs))

Farrah626

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. We ended up not picking him up yesterday - my husband would have had to go back to work after, I would've been home...we decided it would be better for us to be together. So we're going tomorrow afternoon, and are having his ashes blessed on Saturday. I'm hoping I feel some sort of peace with it all after the next 2 days but don't really anticipate that happening.

VeilSdeGTO

*siggy*


I have been thinking about you and wanted to say I'm sorry. Sending you strength for tomorrow.

Mel&John2013

****siggy warning

I don't have experience with cremation, but just wanted to send hugs your way. I can only imagine how difficult it's going to be. I hope picking up his ashes and having them at home brings you some comfort.

forevermyfenix

Like other PPs have said, it was a crazy emotional day when we got the call that his ashes were ready. But I needed to have them home as soon as possible. We didn't even have an urn for them, but I couldn't let them sit at the funeral home until the urn we chose came in. 

DH chose the urn and he couldn't have chosen a more perfect one. https://www.memorials.com/Cremation-Urns/Our-Baby-Keepsake-Cremation-Urn.php 

In our case they had run out of their stock and they had to contact the artist to make another one. It was special to me that it was especially made for him. 

Farrah626

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me, and for your support. We picked up his ashes yesterday, and the ride there I was feeling okay, but the second we walked into the social work office I lost it. Then they put us in a private room, and when they brought the ashes in I couldn't even bring myself to look up at the urn. As though if I didn't see it, then it didn't exist, and none of this was really happening. She offered to give us a few minutes but I just wanted to get the hell out of there and take him home. I read the certificate in the car....next to his age the line was just blank. That made me sad. But once we got home I felt a bit better, and going to sleep last night I was happy that he was home with us. This isn't how I imagined bringing my son home, but at least he's home and tomorrow we'll have him blessed after mass. He's only been gone 2 weeks and it somehow feels like forever and yesterday all at the same time. Weird how that happens.

mmsweeney1

** siggy**

I also felt some comfort having our son's ashes home with us. Although it's so hard, I feel more connected to him knowing he's in our bedroom. I'm glad that day is behind you, and now hopefully you can begin to adjust.