What was my blighted ovum?

ashleyann62215

Today has been a rough day. Everyone has been so supportive and I'm sorry for so many on here who are going through losses. Today has been particularly rough because I was thinking about my doctor, and when he confirmed that I had a blighted ovum, he said "the most important thing to remember here is that you didn't lose a baby." (Which scientifically that may be true;the embryo never developeD, but an egg met a sperm and therefore conception happened)But I feel like I did. I wrote to my baby, I talked to it, I prayed for it, and when I found out it wasn't there I felt like I had been tricked. So to me I did lose a baby. So my question is, has anyone else that has suffered from a blighted ovum feel like they lost a soul? It makes me feel empty to think that I don't have an angel baby but I asked someone the other day and they said it was "just a ball of cells." Does anyone feel like that they lost more than just a ball of cells? I hope this doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. I'm just hoping to find someone who understands what I'm feeling.

ashleyann62215

Thank you! I could use them!

flyoffeve

(Hugs) I don't have any experiene with bo. However, technically or scientifically even a loss of a baby or fetus early on is a "ball of cells." Don't let anyone tell you that you should not grieve, not that this is what your dr was saying though. As soon as you see that positive result, the world changes and your mind goes into planning and thinking about it all. It is a loss.

I know exactly what you mean by feeling the loss of what was there. I remember significantly feeling that way with my first loss. It seemed as if I could feel that the life was gone. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. It will get better, but it will always come back in waves. Another (Hug). Thinking of you.

ashleyann62215

Thank you @agpjt413‌ and @flyoffeve‌ You both are so sweet. It's nice to know that people understand and have sweet things to say. I'm so tired of hearing "it happens all the time" at home. It makes a difference when there are people that can say more than that and have empathy behind their words. Thank you to the moon and back!❤️

mylittlegemini

@ashleyann62215 So sorry for your loss hun. I know exactly how you're feeling. You feel like you lost a piece of your heart. It's awful and devastating. Just know we are all here to help and support each other. Never let anyone tell you "oh it's common" or "oh it wasn't a baby". I never understood how people can be so insensitive. If you don't mind me asking, how far along were you when you discovered the blighted ovum?

ashleyann62215

@mylittlegemini‌ I was 7 weeks. Thank you for your support. It's nice to know somebody understands because my SO doesn't nor does my family.

SunshineShades

I am sorry for your loss.
My first loss may have been a BO. My doctor never referred to it as that, she just called it a miscarriage. The surgeon who did my d&c said it could have been a BO. I just tell people I had a miscarriage.
My second loss was discovered much earlier, when it was discovered there was no sack yet, just a cyst. My doctors still called it a miscarriage, not a chemical pregnancy.
Regardless, chemical pregnancy, blighted ovum, miscarriage you were pregnant and you loved your baby, idea of your baby, whatever. It is still a loss in my mind.
Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve, or to move on, it's no big deal etc. The second that double line appears you fall in love. Take all the time you need.

ChanelA

I was 10 weeks when I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. I still doubt it was a blighted ovum because there was a yolk sac present but what do I know... It's been a little over a month since my D&C and for the most part I have mostly good days but then there are days like today. I've cried all day, please don't let anyone question your grief. I feel empty, I feel broken, so yes it's completely normal to feel like this even when science dictates something else. Be gentle with yourself

ashleyann62215

@SunshineShades‌ & @ChanelA‌ I'm just heart broken and all I want to do is cry. Then on top of that one of my "friends" is pregnant and she had her ultrasound today-which was supposed to be my 8 week ultrasound today too-and she's texting me saying how good she feels about seeing her baby. Ok, she thinks I'm the best person to be talking to about that right now? And I did so good today without crying until now. Thank you for your support. I wish I could reach into my phone and hug you. Even though I'm sad it's nice to know you understand.

Nikolie93

*hugs* to you @ashleyann62215

Don't let anyone try to downplay your situation. Like Flyoffeve said, once you get that positive result, it's your baby. It pisses me off to think that people have the right to say things like that. 

As for your friend, you may want to talk to her and lay some boundaries. That must have been very difficult to see. She may want to share this experience with you but you're raw right now and if she is a true friend, she would understand. 

Also don't feel bad about the random crying. I did that for quite some time. 

I hope you have a little better day today *hug*

EDIT: fixing tag 

ashleyann62215

@Nikolie93‌ thank you so much. I will never understand the mind set of people but you are right about setting boundaries and not letting anyone down play my grief. I was trying to be strong for everyone else because I felt like that's what was expected of me but now I'm just going to allow myself to grieve. It hurts too much to hold it all in. Thank you and *hugs* to you