Just want to cry.

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jennypolkadots

bbw5292 said:I'm not looking for pity, I just really need to know what I'm doing. 

You're upset with him because he only shares his feelings with other people. Yet, you're posting your issues on an internet forum instead of having an adult conversation with him. There are a lot of issues going on here, and I think the two of you need to get some counseling if you're going to be raising a child together. Just my 2 cents. 

CandaceC1020

bbw5292 said:

My little ones dad and I are together, but things are just weird. I am almost 30 weeks and he is telling other people that he's scared to have another baby. He has a 5 year old little boy with another woman... and he said he wasn't scared. So what exactly is wrong with me. Why is it that it scares him to be apart of our little girls life.. but it is so easy for him to be apart of his sons. Now all I can think is that I'm the problem, or even worse WE'RE the problem. Part of me just wants to not talk to him.. because it literally breaks my heart that he can go to other people and spill his heart out, but he won't for a second tell me that he's scared. I'm not looking for pity, I just really need to know what I'm doing. This is my first child, and I feel like I should have much more support then I do from the love of my life. Has anyone else experienced this? What should I do?

Last night I knew something was not right, I was laying on his chest, and he was just watching tv like usual... and I asked him if there was something I should be worried about. I wasn't rude of condescending... it was a simple question that required a minimal answer... but he yelled at me.. and all I could think was the worst.

Someone please help me.

QFP.

CandaceC1020

Being that this is the second thread that pops up for your name and both threads are of a sad/depressed nature, I'd recommend that you talk to your doc ASAP. 

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CandaceC1020

I don't think that either one of us were really trying to talk shit to you .....  If you've been around the bump for a while, when someone is calling another member out and talking shit, it's pretty obvious.  I hate to say it, but you need to have thick skin to survive on here.  We're not going to spew glitter and rainbows, folks are going to tell you like it is.

You have to realize that you have two threads, back to back on the front page and both of them are of a sad nature.  I simply said that you should talk to your doc ASAP ... @jennypolkadots commented about you being frustrated that your SO is talking to others about his feelings yet you're out here doing the same thing.  Her response was a lot nicer than it could have been.

You admitted that you're depressed.  You say no medicine that a doctor would prescribe would work.  Do you know this?  Have you spoken to your doctor?  You don't know this ... and you should talk to someone (other than internet strangers) about your feelings.  Emotions can spiral out of control - get yourself some help.  There is nothing wrong with seeing help from professionals.

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jennypolkadots

I wasn't being mean, I was pointing out that you are being passive aggressive and the two of you need help if you can't communicate with each other.

Having a supportive spouse is not a luxury. We work damn hard at having a good relationship and building a solid foundation before having kids. I can honestly say in 7 years my husband has never yelled at me, we don't treat each other that way. People rise to the standards you expect of them. You have to take personal ownership of where you are in your life in order to get things on the track you want. I'm not saying that to be cruel, but to be encouraging that you do have the power to raise your standards and choose who you have children with. And to build a support system. Nothing was served to me on a golden platter or written in the stars against you. 

I really do feel for you and can tell you are having a hard time. Try to look objectively at your life and the things you can control - your relationships, your job, your finances, your location, etc. and improve where you can and build your self esteem. And talk to your boyfriend directly. You know "hey, several people have told me you're scared about the baby coming. I feel upset by that. Can we talk?" And be aware of your own gestures and how you are coming across. If DH asked me blankly if there is something he should be worried about I would feel pretty defensive and confused, the implication behind the question is that there is something you are worried about that you aren't asking directly or you think he has done something wrong. 

I hope this helps and that you're able to improve your relationship before the baby comes. 

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PrimRoseMama

bbw5292 said:

These are all kind of rude... I wasn't trying to make people talk shit to me. And to the first person that commented on this... like I said at the end of my post.. I have tried talking to him. I figured I was being the mature one, because I am asking for advice from people that may understand.. people that could relate and tell me what they would recommend for the situation I am in. There is nothing wrong with me... and yes I am depressed and very sad, and no medication that my doctor prescribes me is going to change that. What is the point in having forums when every comment that you get is rude and careless... weren't these created as a safe place to ask questions, without having to go to people that already know you...? thanks for all of your help. Just because you all have your marriages, and support systems.. Maybe you should all consider that not everyone has that luxury.

Dude you are totally flipping out for no reason. Maybe talk to a professional? What exactly did you want from this forum?

hollycn

While I could be wrong, some guys are more afraid to have girls than boys... For one reason or another.

Your relationship does not sound healthy if you ask him a non-confrontational question and he flips out. That is not okay and I would make sure he knows that.

Like PP said, it's normal for him to have his own worries. Hopefully by the time you have your LO, he will face his fears and come around.

UberBiz

Are YOU scared to have a baby? Cuz I am. This one will be my third, and I am scared shitless. I know my fiance is, too. We already have kids, one each from a previous relationship, and one together, but we are still terrified of having another one. Can we handle it? How will we split our attention and time between them all?

Having a child already, that is in your life, and the prospect of adding a new little one to the mix IS terrifying. I think him being 'scared' is normal. I know that my fears are a lot different than what FI is fearful of, we each have different things that we stress out about.

I think a calm sit-down with him would be a good starting place, and ask what exactly he is scared of, and then let him answer honestly. I don't know what constitutes "flipping out" for you, but my FI has mental issues that are very difficult to deal with sometimes, so while someone from the outside may think "omg they need serious help that is not a healthy relationship," it's just him doing his thing, and we have learned to weather through the tough moments.

hopanka

I'm really sorry he yelled at you when you asked him this. He should not have done that. I think you need to sit him down and frankly ask him to say what that was about. Tell him what is bothering you and ask him to do the same. He acted immaturely and you guys need to sort that out. Good luck!

jennypolkadots

I really like your attitude about the whole thing and think it's great you could calm down and come back here.You specifically want to know why he won't tell you these things, but you admitted that your emotions get the best of you and you have a history of depression. He may be seeing that you're stressed about the baby (which is totally normal!) and didn't want to add his own issues into the mix. Who knows? But if it's really bothering you, the only person who can put your mind at ease is him.  

I think there are a million reasons he may be feeling this way. Having a second child is no less stressful than having a first, in some ways it is more scary. Assuming he doesn't have custody of his son, he will have a lot more responsibility with this baby. Also assuming he pays child support, he may be concerned about affording this baby on top of his other expenses. He may feel like his son's birth created stress in his relationship, and is afraid of that happening with you. Once again, all normal concerns but there is no way for you to know without asking him. 

You are not to blame for every issue, but you do have the power to take ownership and improve your situation. Pity parties don't improve anything. You may want to look into counseling or a life coach if you don't have level headed people in real life who can help you work through some of these issues and encourage you. I wish you the best!