What do we want this board to be?

mara005

I've been thinking about this a lot and something said on another board today got me thinking about what I want/need this board to be.  So I would love to have a discussion about what would like to see here, what we don't want to see here, etc. 

I will start with a couple of my questions/thoughts: 

*What is considered "trouble"? Is it a certain about of time TTCing , a diagnosis, a loss, multiple losses? 

*We have an After Loss check in and I welcome TTCALers who have LC there but does one loss (after trying for only a few cycles , for example) mean you're having trouble giving a sibling to you LC. Aka should they also be joining the main board.

*I can not handle seeing pee sticks on this board, I do not mind congratulating a member in a (well labeled) BFP post but emotionally I can not handle being surprised.

Please understand these are purely my thoughts/opinions. I will read all comments, consider all things and maybe you can change my mind. 

BootsOrHearts

I think it should be a place where everyone who has a living child(ren) but who is having trouble (either diagnosed infertility, loss(es) or just have been trying for X months unsuccessfully) can go for support. Certainly some of us would also be a fit on TTCAL or IF board, but if we have pictures or even tickers of LC, that can be upsetting to the women on those boards and rightly so. And certainly, they don't want to hear about our LC updates or the impact that TTC is having on our LC. 

But the protocols for BFPs that is followed on IF or TTCAL should hold here too. If we don't know you, we don't really care about your BFP even if you had trouble before that. Just go on over to your BMB, 1st tri, PGAL or whatnot. If we know you, post that bad boy up there but post a ***BFP warning*** in the title.This is common sense, you would think. 

annibes

I rarely lurk here, and post even less. I was cool with the idea of this place, which seemed to me was supposed to be a "3T with kids" board, but it tends to be a catch-all for anyone with kids who is TTC. There are way too many BFPs on this board- that doesn't happen when people are actually having trouble TTC.

NB817

Have I been missing all these BFPs?? The only ones I've seen have been marked in the  thread title. But I am pretty new here so maybe you're talking about before I joined??

anyway, I see this board as place where other people "get it". We are all trying to reach that same goal of creating a sibling and we are all the same damn emotional roller coaster that is the CYCLE! It's been nice to see that others are sad, hopeful, and all the other emotions that I have been feeling and that this is a safe place to get them out because you know the people reading really really get it, which for me doesn't exist IRL.

I have also found this board incredibly knowledgeable with IF questions and as someone new to and just starting our IF journey it's been great to read about what others are going thru in theirs and also to be able ask questions about IF.

roselynnerm

When I jumped back onto TB after starting to try in January, I wasn't sure where to go. I still wonder sometimes if this is the right board for me, since I'm basically still trying things solo (except for my lap myomectomy in June, no meds, no tests, no appts lined up). It was for this reason that I followed the suggestion on the Secondary IF welcome post and tried TTTCAS, instead of sticking around on their board. I'm at the point where I'm no longer happy to just keep trying on our own, though. I've had three losses, 2 before my LC and 1 after, and my 35th birthday is quickly approaching. I know we need some help and finding this board was a relief.

@annibes - I know that it might seem like some ladies pop out of the woodwork, post an intro, and then boom, a BFP, but please try to remember that things aren't always what they seem. I try to remember that like myself, some ladies might just take 8 or 9 months of trying/losses/treatment/surgery/waiting/trying/etc before they decide to say "hello" and introduce themselves. If then a couple of cycles later, they get their BFP, who am I to judge? It's not like they knew *this* cycle was going to be the one. Should they have been hoping for 6 more months of disappointments so that they didn't end up getting anyone here upset? I say all of this because the situation I described is my own. I posted an intro because I wanted to be part of a community of women that could genuinely relate. I want to offer my (limited) knowledge, and have a place to share the emotional roller-coaster that has been TTCAS. Having said all of this, because I haven't had the privilege of building relationships here yet, if I were so lucky to get my own BFP anytime soon, I would just quietly head to my BMB, as a previous poster said.

mamababyrn

I am very new to this board, but have lurked on several boards. I think 2IF and TTCAL are great places to get information, but they don't fit everyone. I think this board is all encompassing. I think the description we have now works well. I don't think we should define it any further. I'm not going to tell someone with a loss they should leave because they haven't been trying for long enough.

I totally agree with @roselynnerm. There is an etiquette to posting BFPs and not everyone understands that. I understand it can be very hurtful for a random person to post. However, that person may have been trying for 2 years. It isn't there fault they happened to get pregnant the day after posting an intro.

mara005

Thank you ladies for talking about all of this. I definitely think this is a "catch all" board, but perhaps that's what it needs to be!

And while BFPs can be hard to see when I'm having a bad day,you're right,  it's exactly what we are here for! I hope we all end up with a sticky baby.

mamababyrn

I agree that they shouldn't post their BFPs and should just move along, but I don't think we should jump on them if they do either.

Reagan1010

I guess I'm missing where all of this is coming from. I haven't noticed a ton of BFP postings and the ones I have seen are from people I recognize from multiple boards. I feel like I don't have the right to 'define' who is a regular poster and who isn't here. Shit, this board is virtually brand new. I post quite a bit in spurts. I moved out of state a month ago and was absent quite a bit because I was so busy. I will also be MIA every once in awhile because I am fed up with TTC and everything related to it. It's how I have to deal with infertility sometimes. If I ever get another BFP, I will post it here...with a proper title of course...if I feel like it. If anyone has a problem with it because they don't recognize me, tough shit. Just my two cents. I'm in a bit of a funk today because of CD2, so I'm not trying to be rude in any way. I'm just going to go get a beer now.

annibes

dani_brewer said:

Seriously @annibes ? I mean, you have the right to your opinion, but saying there are too many BFPs here for a Trouble Board?

Quite frankly, I don't know. I haven't been here because when I did frequent the board, it seemed like there was always a driveby or two making their way down the page. I'm saying that when you go to BOTB or TTGP, you expect a lot of BFPs. That's why a lot of IFers choose not to post on those boards. When I was here (and again, I rarely even lurk here anymore), there were pretty frequent BFPs or posts that, when you read between the lines, indicated a driveby was inevitable.

People can get pregnant all they want- power to them if they can. But I feel that "trouble" is too loosely defined for me to feel comfortable here.

Carry on, regulars. My comment really could have been left unposted, but I agreed with the sentiment of the OP and was compelled to leave my opinion.

WLJ2

As a lurker, I love what this board is. It's a place where anyone struggling to have a sibling can relate to other people. Honestly, there's not anyone one I can really relate to irl having difficulty concieving. And the women here are so nice. Even when they're bitchy, they try to be nice about it. Which is very different from so many boards.

But I do agree that some bfp should quietly move on to a new board. At least that's what I would do.

incir

So, I've been on vacation for a week and didn't see this when it was new, but I agree with the general sentiment that this board has a good description as is.  I do want to reemphasize that as someone who got pregnant easily but had a loss there really isn't any other place on the bump for me to go.  I respect that TTCAL is a child-free board, but I really needed a space to talk about loss and my LC.  I will forever be grateful to this board for being that place.  

I do think that drive-by posts are inevitable to some extent, but I do think that putting some clarification in the intro post that says that only regular posters should post a BFP might be helpful.  Not everyone will follow it and some people will consider themselves regulars when others don't think they are, but at least the expectation would be out there.