I want to hold him/her first

dwarren0322

Here is something that has really been bothering me. A friend of mine had her baby, and almost everyone that was there for the delivery got to hold her before her mommy, because her mom was exhausted, and they had to clean the baby up right after. I'm sorry, but if I spent nine months carrying my child, I damn well better be the first person whose arms they go into. I don't want anyone holding the baby before me, especially since they say right after the birth is crucial bonding time for mommy and baby. I don't really even want my dh to hold them first (though I'd be more accepting of that than with anyone else). Am I wrong? This is my first, so I don't know how all of this goes. I don't want anyone to think I'm being hateful, but I just think the mom should be the first. No one else.

xxstephh

I believe that myself or my boyfriend will be the first to hold our son or daughter .. I don't feel having someone else bond with our child before we do seems appropriate to me. That's just my opinion

Angelina08m

Oh heck yea I don't even want that many people mu room unless u are a doctor or a medicL professional I Vetter be the first person touching that baby !

Leslie2003

With both boys, they were laid on my stomach while the cord was cut.

With my first, DH held him first while things were cleaned/stitched as it required a hefty dose of stadol.

With my second, I got him ASAP. Then my DH then my mom for a few minutes.

Bonding doesn't happen instantly for many. With my first I had gone through so much to have him, that I thought if I believed it, he would be taken from me. I didn't relax and fall in love until he was 2 days old.

My second was instant. Don't know why but maybe I was actually able to think that this baby was mine forever? I know that sounds weird by loss and IF really fucks with you.

lakingsfan2015

With DS1 I was 16 and very against holding him not cleaned up, till the nurse threw him on me and cleaned him while he was one me. I wouldn't say I was holding him but he was on me. My mom was the first to actually hold him. 15 years later the kid must be touching me if we are close to each other.

DS2 was an emergency c-section so he was whisked off and DH went with him and held him first. I ended up being put under and didn't hold him till almost 3 hours after he was born.

DS3 was a repeat c-section, my husband was able to hold him first and then the nurse held him next to my face till they finished me up. I went to recovery for 30 minutes, so he was about 1 hour old before I got to actually hold him. We didn't have skin to skin because I broke out in hives from the pain medication. I think it was about 4 hours before I got to actually nurse him. We bf'ed for 22 months. 

ambarnett1

I didn't have a birth plan, but as I was pushing I asked to have DS placed on my chest when he came out. I got to hold him until he started crying. As soon as he was taken off my chest to be cleaned up he pooped. Then he picked.up the clamps on his cord and started throwing it around. DH and the nurses were just laughing. DH was the second to hold DH and then right back to me until we got the the mother baby unit. Wouldn't have it any other way.

lauranicole91

My hospital had a required no visitors for baby's first hour after birth. Only mom and dad were allowed in the room. My daughter was plopped on my chest fresh out the womb so technically I was the first to hold her.

samiamagirl

That's exactly why I'm probably going to not have anyone in the room with me besides my husband and all necessary medical personnel. I'm also going to make sure that in my "plan" I would like to be the first to hold my baby, but if it's not possible because of complications, then they should pass him/her off to my husband.

staccajaye

It will only be me and SO in the delivery room. We will be first to hold our child before my parents that's for sure. Once ofcourse everything is good and baby is safe and clean.
Just writing this has got me so excited!!!! OMG I'm having a baby

Pintobean39

I held my sons first, of course after the Dr and the nurses that cleaned him up and checked him out. After carrying them for 9 months I don't think me not being the first one to hold them is going to make a difference in bonding. My family didn't even come in the room for a while after my boys were born because they had to get the room all cleaned up too.

I'm sure if you tell your Dr or nurses you want to be handed the baby first they will.

djm31012

lauranicole91 said:

My hospital had a required no visitors for baby's first hour after birth. Only mom and dad were allowed in the room. My daughter was plopped on my chest fresh out the womb so technically I was the first to hold her.

This. I had no one in the room with me besides DH and appropirate Dr and nurses. Its not a show for everyone to see in my opinion its an intimate moment. As soon as DS was out he was on my chest. I am sure there are circumstances where that cant be the case...but no one holds my child besides medical staff before me/DH.

swinslow2

I have high blood pressure so im sooo worried about this because it can cause complications. My baby's health is most important so i stated to my ob that if my baby for any reason cant be with me or is taken from the room my husband WILL go with. We may even have the option to give the baby their first bath. You just have to be upfront and mention it all also put it in writing, give it to your ob and have a copy with you. That's YOUR baby.

itsmevkb

I'm rolling my eyes a bit at the idea that somehow a mom not holding her baby first, or even within the first few hours,  will lead to them not bonding.  That's like the nurse who told me that I wouldn't bond with my baby if I sent them to the nursery for a few hours after birth so that I could sleep.  Oh please.

I think it's only natural to want to be the first but like others have said, there are circumstances where you might not get to hold your baby first.  With my first I didn't get to hold him until the next day as he was rushed to the NICU.  With my second, my labor was so fast and so crazy that honestly, I was fine with letting my husband hold her first as I was exhausted, in a lot of pain, and was still just trying to process what had happened.  I bonded with both babies just fine.

Typically, the only people in the room are you, your partner and medical staff so just ask to have the baby placed on your tummy after birth and assuming everything goes well, you'll be the first to hold them.

kac22

I had a CS so obviously DH held her first. They did bring her over to me and I got to touch her and it really wasn't that long until they wheeled me into recovery and I got to actually hold her. We also told our parents we were going to be having some bonding time before we let visitors in.

On a sort of related note:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mS2FW_XGdIQ

EntropicEpona

I was rushed to the OR immediately after the birth of my daughter while the NICU team was still checking her out, so my husband was the first one to hold her a few minutes later. He gave her her first bath, and was snuggled in with her when I got back to my room.

I can't imagine having a bunch of people in my room with me while I'm in labour. No way! 

VeganOnTuesdays

GFJ48 said:

Honestly, I do not want to hold my kid until it is all cleaned up.

I am glad that I am not the only one. My thoughts may change in the moment but for now the idea of this baby flying out and being placed right on my chest without being wiped off, does not seem appealing to me. It sounds bratty as I type it but it's how I feel. 

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la79al

I have no idea who held DD1 first.  I saw her when the doctor held her up then she was taken to be cleaned and I'm guessing once she was wrapped up, she was given to me.  DD2, they kind of stuck her on my chest as soon as they pulled her out.  I don't think I touched her.  After a few seconds I think they realized I wasn't going to cuddle with this slimy pile of wrinkled up ickiness that was laying on me and they took her to be cleaned up.  I don't even know if I was the first to get her back after that.  My DH and mom were both in the room with both deliveries so it might have been one of them.  This is seriously no where near the top of my list of concerns.  Don't let them out of my sight until I get to hold them but I don't care if I'm first in line.  

tinyjoys

swinslow2, that's an awesome idea in theory, but my hospital of choice is either baby is with mom or at the nurses station. When I went to shower, he couldn't be left in the room with just my husband. My husband had to stay in the room or leave the premises. A nurse came in if I had to go to the bathroom. Babe is with mom or not in the room. It's their policy and one that a lot of hospitals are starting from what I've heard.

lauranicole91

GFJ48 said:

Honestly, I do not want to hold my kid until it is all cleaned up.

I said this when I was pregnant last time. But they plopped her on my chest anyways and I didn't even care. I even kissed her slimy cruddy forehead.

willadieselstm

I had a c-section, so my DH held him for a minute.  Then after I was put back together, they put him on my chest and I held him as I was wheeled into the recovery room.   Then my mom held him, and my doctor stormed in and told me to do skin to skin.  Ha.  I was like dead tired after being awake and at the hospital for over 36 hours for a failed induction.

lauranicole91

Fwiw the quickly wrapped her in a blanket and threw on a hat before putting her on me. Good thing, because she pooped and peed all over said blanket.

As PP said, birth is messy, but the desire to hold that baby asap is strong.

I not trying to make y'all change your mind or whatever, but be prepared for the chance you will change your mind.

dwarren0322

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I just can't imagine anyone but me or dh holding the baby first. I'll just make it VERY clear to the hospital staff. Also, I know a lot of you are saying that only your dh was in there besides you. I really want my dh, my mom, and my mother in law in there to see the baby's birth. Has anyone else done this? How was it? Also, NO ONE is seeing baby actually come out but dh. My mom and mil are most definitely not allowed to see my nether regions. Lol

Snapdragon750

PPs have given great suggestions as to how to make sure your'e the first to hold your baby, but I just want to add that as wonderful as immediate "bonding" with the baby is, you've already been bonding with your baby for 9 months.  Human babies are not ducklings and will not imprint on the first person they see.  Your baby will already know your voice, your scent, your general feel, and being the second or even the 10th to hold your baby isn't going to change that.

And you know what, even if all of that weren't true, don't adopted children bond quite well with their adoptive parents?  My point is that as much as all the studies say how immediate bonding with the mother is great for babies in the short term, it's not going to affect your relationship with your baby long-term if for some reason you're not able to hold your baby right away.  So please don't stress about it if it doesn't end up happening.  Just enjoy your baby.

Mimi63

My dr put my son on my chest immediately and wiped him off there. I have some amazing (nsfw) pictures of me kissing him while you can see the dr stitching me up, haha. They took him to clean up and I cleaned up and brushed my hair. Everyone laughed but I have amazing pictures from when they gave him back. Dh went and told everyone the name so they could start sharing the news, but it was probably another hour before we let anyone else come in and hold him.

Mimi63

ajzmommy said:

ramy3 said:

tinyjoys said:

swinslow2, that's an awesome idea in theory, but my hospital of choice is either baby is with mom or at the nurses station. When I went to shower, he couldn't be left in the room with just my husband. My husband had to stay in the room or leave the premises. A nurse came in if I had to go to the bathroom. Babe is with mom or not in the room. It's their policy and one that a lot of hospitals are starting from what I've heard.

What? They won't allow the father be alone with the baby? What makes the father less capable than the mother? That policy would really make me angry.

THIS^^^ I think the bonding between baby and mommy is just as important as the bond with baby and daddy. That would NOT be a hospital where I would give birth. 

I completely agree, it just seems wierd. In our hospital dh got a marching bracelet to show we were the only two people allowed to be alone. Forget me going to the bathroom, he took the baby back and forth to the nursery when the pediatrician came. All the did was scanned both his and the babies bracelet.

dwarren0322

I completely agree with the adopted thing. I was adopted, and I love my parents to death. It's not so much the "bonding" as it is just being the first. I feel I deserve it, since I'm the one that carried them.

Lezzie82

The first people to actually "hold" your baby will of course be the doctor and nurses that pull it out lol!   They will take it for a few, weigh it, put some gunk in it's eyes, give it an APGAR score, then cut the cord.  After that I can't imagine them not offering it to you first unless of course you were experiencing some kind of emergency.

Usually it all happens so quick and there is so much going on it's all kind of a blur the first few minutes of life!  I remember finally pouching him out and he was immediately wisked away, wrapped in the warm blankets the nurses had waiting at my bedside.  All in all I'd say there were probably 4 nurses total and my OB in my room at this time, two were tending to me and two for the baby.  They started doing their thing and I remember trying to look and see what was going on while my OB was telling me I needed stitches I think!  I'm pretty sure she stitched me up and cleaned me up while they were weighing him and whatnot... Then they asked me if I wanted to hold him and do skin to skin for the first hold and I said YES  They put him on my chest and I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted!  It was surreal, I couldn't actually believe he was mine and I got to keep him!!

Lezzie82

Oh and as far as being clean goes... PSSSHH.  You just went through a battle and being clean will most likely be the last thing on what's left of your mind lol!

My first non WTFIJUSTPUSHEDABABYOUT thoughts were stuff like "Im hungry and thirsty as hell", "Is this epidural going to wear off or what?"  "I think I need to pee but can't tell"

You will get around to wiping yourself down but don't worry about it.  I wasn't like covered in vaginal juices or placenta or anything... now my downtown was a little messed up but my top half was just sweaty.

kj808

My doctor put my babies right on top of me as soon as they came out while they clamped the cord and DH cut it. They didn't take the baby to do all the weight and measurements and stuff until after that. So I did get to hold my baby as soon as it came out.

And no, I don't think it's bratty of you not wanting to hold your baby until it's all cleaned up, but trust... after all you go through and all of your bodily secretions during childbirth, having a slimy baby placed on top of you will be the least of your concerns.

Lezzie82

Well it was true for me... I didn't fabricate it lol.

I'm not trying to say that's how it will happen for every single birth....

There will be C sections, some women I guess pull their own babies out.... etc.....

That's just how some go, and how mine went.  I know every birth is different.

DawnLilly

I didn't even want my parents or in laws at the hospital because I knew they'd be pushy. My cs was scheduled for 1 and I told them not to come until 4. Right before I went in, the nurse, I'm sure she thought it was very nice, told me with a big smile that my whole family was in the waiting room.

When DS was born they cut the cord and then DH brought him to me wrapped in a blanket with vernix still on him. Later DH told me the nurse said she could clean him off first and he told her no, I needed to see him. DH laid DS in the crook of my neck on the table and held him there until they were done sewing me up. He was bathed, tested, and weighed right before I nursed in recovery. I didn't get back to my room until 3 and took an hour to get settled before DH and I were ready to let anyone back.

Do whatever You want and plan as much as possible but know there are unforseen circumstances.

rels09

HilarityEnsued said:

Lezzie82 said:

The first people to actually "hold" your baby will of course be the doctor and nurses that pull it out lol!   They will take it for a few, weigh it, put some gunk in it's eyes, give it an APGAR score, then cut the cord.  

this isn't true at all.  I held my baby before weight, before gunk in eyes, before APGARs and way way before cutting the cord. My friend literally reached down and pulled the baby out of her, a la Kourtney Kardashian.  They can easily do APGARs while the baby is laying on your chest, and the weight doesn't need to be done the very second they are born.  

I agree. I have midwives assisting my hospital delivery, and my big goal if I go full-term this time (and have a vaginal birth again) is to see my baby do "the crawl." Newborn babies are born with the instinct to migrate up their mother's chest to latch on and start nursing immediately. It really is amazing, and I was fortunate to see it on video multiple times in my birth class last time around. Obviously, things didn't work out that way for me since I had a preemie, so I know everything has to go reasonably well for this to happen, but most doctors and midwives are supportive of immediate skin-to-skin if that is what you want.

sunnyday016

It's very simply avoided: Don't have anyone in the delivery room that you won't mind holding baby first. 

DD was born vaginally and I had a minimal tear. As soon as she was out, the nurses wiped her off and weighed her, bundled her up, and anded her over to DH as I was getting stitched up.

DS was an emergency c-section. As soon as he was out and resuscitated, the nurses ran him to the special care nursery. I didn't get to hold him until several hours later, and even then he was covered in wires for a few days.

Every birth is different, obviously. But you can control who holds baby first by controlling who is actually in the room.

itsmevkb

dwarren0322 said:

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I just can't imagine anyone but me or dh holding the baby first. I'll just make it VERY clear to the hospital staff. Also, I know a lot of you are saying that only your dh was in there besides you. I really want my dh, my mom, and my mother in law in there to see the baby's birth. Has anyone else done this? How was it? Also, NO ONE is seeing baby actually come out but dh. My mom and mil are most definitely not allowed to see my nether regions. Lol

I've only ever had my husband in the room.  You couldn't pay me enough money to have my MIL in there and my mother isn't interested in being there.

Just an FYI, giving birth is messy and not something where anyone can guarantee that certain people there won't see your "nether regions."  If they are going to be in the room I would go into that assuming that they will see your nether regions, along with things like you possibly pooping during labor and or the delivery, the placenta, and a whole host of other possibilities.

My husband stood by my side for all of our births and he could definitely still see what was going on down there.

LimaD

that's crazy, I would think the only thing to prevent mom from getting baby asap would be if there were complications.  With DD, she went straight onto my tummy/chest as they wiped her down. I'd just make sure there's an hour before visitors or something. It was just my parents in the room w/DH and I after and they waited their turn

rivers714

With my son they put him on me right away but I was so tired and shaky from labor ( it's a lot of work) I begged someone to take him because I was afraid I'd drop him.

KellyFM522

So my hospital is baby friendly, it's a really cool accreditation that supports what's best for baby at birth. NYUbaby.org DS was put directly on my chest, he wasn't really slimy or gross or anything. The nurse wiped him down with a few blankets put a hat on him and let us breast feed right away. We can't wait to do that experience again. DH got to hold him while I went and "clean up" oh I miss mesh underwear.

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Ballet80

I really want my husband to hold the baby first. We had to use a donor, so it wasn't his actual sperm, so I want him to bond with the baby immediately and then I'm taking the baby. I do not think it's selfish to want to hold your baby first, you're the one who carried for 9 months.

KellyFM522

@Ballet80‌ that is really sweet of you. I'm sure it will be such a great moment.

Snapdragon750

dwarren0322 said:

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I just can't imagine anyone but me or dh holding the baby first. I'll just make it VERY clear to the hospital staff. Also, I know a lot of you are saying that only your dh was in there besides you. I really want my dh, my mom, and my mother in law in there to see the baby's birth. Has anyone else done this? How was it? Also, NO ONE is seeing baby actually come out but dh. My mom and mil are most definitely not allowed to see my nether regions. Lol

My mother was there. I thought she'd be helpful because she had 3 babies naturally, and she was at first, but by the end she was a royal PITA. I would say that I regret having her there except she took great pictures.

P.s. everyone there will see your nether regions unless they try VERY hard not to.