4 month wakeful-help!!

Amores0121

So I heard this mentioned on this board several times and really had no clue what it was until now. O WAS a very good sleeper, in her own room at 2 months and slept 10-12 hours a night. She was no longer nursing after 2 months, either.

My son will be 4 months Friday and a little over a week ago he decided to start waking up a lot. His previous schedule WAS down between 9-930, sleep until 2 or 3, up two hours later and then 2 hours after that. He started sleeping only a 3 to 4 hour block and then is up every 1.5-to 2 hours.
I've been doing a lot of reading about it and according to the experts, he should go to bed by 7. We tried that 2 days in a row. It just resulted in him waking up an hour later and taking 45 mins or more to get him back to sleep. Dumb. Previously I would, nurse him to sleep in the living room, wait till he was out and then put him in bed. His crib is side carred to our bed.
Last night I nursed him to sleep in bed so he would know it was night time. He was out by 8, but woke up half hr later. I gave him his paci but he woke up again 10-mins later so I nursed him and he slept till one. Then he was up at 3 and 5. At 5 he wanted to play and wouldn't go back to sleep till 6. I'm dying of exhaustion. And he doesn't want to nap much during the day either. I keep reading about all these schedules people put their babies on. Do I do this? Should I move him to his own room? He doesn't seem to get himself back to sleep very easily. Should I nurse him every time he wakes?
I feel so lost...could anyone give me some advice?

unaveragejane

I feel you on the sleep problems! Every minute L is crying instead of sleeping just sucks the joy out of my soul. Ugh. We're not on a strict schedule, but I have noticed that L can't stay awake more than 2 hours without getting really cranky and difficult to put down for a nap. He generally takes 3-4 35 to 45 minute naps per day. Most of his naps are in the swing still. :-/ At night, he nurses for a long session, falls asleep, then wakes up 30 minutes later needing to burp. Then we pace his room for 15-20 minutes until he gets comfy again. I haven't started drowsy-but-awake yet. The Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit has helped us a lot. Moving him to his own room also helped us; we aren't disturbing his sleep as much.

BoothBaby

Perhaps you could try to change his bedtime more gradually (like 15 min earlier every couple days)?  We followed the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", and found it very helpful.  Our guy was a good sleeper once asleep, but fought going to sleep hardcore.  When he was around 4-5 months, we did sleep training (let him cry) for naps and bedtime.  I know CIO is controversial and not for everyone, so you have to decide what you're comfortable with.

BTW, most babies suck at self-soothing when they are newborns.  Your kiddo is right around the age where they are able to start learning this skill, so hang in there! 

CLLDLL

Here's why I hate those darn sleep help books/classes/magic schedules/etc.  Every baby/mommy combo is different.  They have different #1 priorities for mom to be happy and different absolute must-haves for content baby. So no one set of advice is perfect for everyone. You kind of have to try it out and see what works. 

I feel pretty strongly that you shouldn't do a strict schedule or sleep training before 6 months.  Most of the research I've read shows that it can hurt your BF'ing relationship and really doesn't help baby learn to be a better sleeper in the long run.  After six months, I think it's really up to each mommy/baby combo what's best. 

My older son did really well with sleep training around 8/9 months.  He liked a routine, and was perfectly comfortable laying in his crib and talking to himself for 10-15 minutes before he fell asleep.  Before that the only way to get him to sleep well was bed-sharing, which I swore I wouldn't do.  But it turned out to be the best solution for us. 

The younger one was the complete opposite.  He hated bed-sharing from the start, but did marvelously in a RnP/PnP in our room.  Around 4 months he started the 4 month wakeful thing where he'd get up every 2-3 hours to nurse.  We pushed through it with a lot of coffee and MH taking a shift a couple nights a week.  Finally around 6 months he stopped getting up so often, but he'd relapse for a week or so every time he cut a tooth or got sick. We moved him to a crib in his room around 9 months. He would scream forever or until he puked if I tried to leave him alone in his room at bedtime.  But if I start bedtime routine early, and cuddle with him in my bed for 10-15 minutes he's out cold.  I can literally jostle him around all I need to while picking him up and putting him in his crib.  If he happens to wake up in the MOTN all he needs is me to sit with him for 5 minutes or so & he's fast asleep.  

I guess my advice is:

1.) Don't feel like you have to do anything different right now.  It sucks I know, but he must be hungry or need something that is causing him to wake up so often.

2.) If you get to the point where you want to do something, don't be afraid to try a few different things until you find what works for both of you.  You aren't a failure as a mother if what worked for your friend/co-worker/mother doesn't work for you or your baby. 

3.) You also aren't a failure as a mother if you find something a bit unorthodox (like safe bed-sharing) works.  Don't let others opinions bother you. 

Mandmeesh

CLLDLL said:

Here's why I hate those darn sleep help books/classes/magic schedules/etc.  Every baby/mommy combo is different.  They have different #1 priorities for mom to be happy and different absolute must-haves for content baby. So no one set of advice is perfect for everyone. You kind of have to try it out and see what works. 

I feel pretty strongly that you shouldn't do a strict schedule or sleep training before 6 months.  Most of the research I've read shows that it can hurt your BF'ing relationship and really doesn't help baby learn to be a better sleeper in the long run.  After six months, I think it's really up to each mommy/baby combo what's best. 

My older son did really well with sleep training around 8/9 months.  He liked a routine, and was perfectly comfortable laying in his crib and talking to himself for 10-15 minutes before he fell asleep.  Before that the only way to get him to sleep well was bed-sharing, which I swore I wouldn't do.  But it turned out to be the best solution for us. 

The younger one was the complete opposite.  He hated bed-sharing from the start, but did marvelously in a RnP/PnP in our room.  Around 4 months he started the 4 month wakeful thing where he'd get up every 2-3 hours to nurse.  We pushed through it with a lot of coffee and MH taking a shift a couple nights a week.  Finally around 6 months he stopped getting up so often, but he'd relapse for a week or so every time he cut a tooth or got sick. We moved him to a crib in his room around 9 months. He would scream forever or until he puked if I tried to leave him alone in his room at bedtime.  But if I start bedtime routine early, and cuddle with him in my bed for 10-15 minutes he's out cold.  I can literally jostle him around all I need to while picking him up and putting him in his crib.  If he happens to wake up in the MOTN all he needs is me to sit with him for 5 minutes or so & he's fast asleep.  

I guess my advice is:

1.) Don't feel like you have to do anything different right now.  It sucks I know, but he must be hungry or need something that is causing him to wake up so often.

2.) If you get to the point where you want to do something, don't be afraid to try a few different things until you find what works for both of you.  You aren't a failure as a mother if what worked for your friend/co-worker/mother doesn't work for you or your baby. 

3.) You also aren't a failure as a mother if you find something a bit unorthodox (like safe bed-sharing) works.  Don't let others opinions bother you. 

I agree with all of this! @CLLDLL you are so wise. 

and OMG to the bolded.  You're not doing anything wrong, he's not doing anything wrong, with the wake ups.  He's just a baby and he needs something.  Even if it's just to nurse for 10 seconds and fall back to sleep.  You are his whole world and you're able to help him fall/stay/go to sleep…and that's okay  (I tell myself these things every night of my life with my baby-and he's now 19 MONTHS OLD) lol

Brandiewine11

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. We JUST went through this and are now finally getting a little better. It lasted about a month for us.

I followed the advice of everyone here and just did whatever to get through it. We did end up moving R to his own room during this phase, but only because he outgrew the cosleeper and was waking himself up more.

I read the Sleep Lady book in preparation for after this phase is over, but don't try to make a lot of changes now. Here is a good article on it too:

https://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/4-month-sleep-regression/

It's still tough for us, as R is still only sleeping 4 hours max, where he was doing 6 before this regression, but that means I feed him 3 times after he goes to bed, where during the regression it was 5-6. 

I've heard the regression is due to the babies going through a lot developmentally (rolling over, etc). I found it interesting that towards the end, there was 1 day R spent almost the entire day practicing rolling over from back to front. That was followed by the 3 worst nights ever. We slept in the living room with him in his swing as that was all that worked.

Then, the next night it just got better and he only woke up at 10, 2:30, and 5:30, then slept until 8. 

So just do whatever you can to get whatever sleep you can. 

And coffee. Lots of coffee. And wine.

Amores0121

@Brandiewine11‌ that's pretty much been my life. During the day lots of coffee and as soon as he's asleep, wine to keep me from going crazy.
@Mandmeesh‌ I actually thought of you a few times and wondered how you've survived this long without a good night's sleep.
Thank you all for the advice. I guess I will just do whatever I can to get him to sleep and not make any changes to his routine yet. I will be partial weaning in a few weeks so that will be a big enough change for him to go through. I told my H I posted on the board and you guys said just do what I can to get sleep. He says " that's what I told you but you don't listen to me, you listen to your board". Well, duh!

redrockmama

We've been going through thus for the past month or so. M is almost 5 months now. I've just accepted sleep will hopefully come later. I am so tired though,I accidentally paid our mortgage twice and forgot to pay utilities.

M is starting to have some better nights,we put him on his stomach the other night and he slept for almost 6 hours. He rolled onto his stomach a couple times last night too. I hope when he gets better at rolling, he can put himself how he wants and sleep better. Lots of coffee for now.