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Sunday Night Vent/Sadness

MenrandesMenrandes member
in TTC After a Loss
Sorry to be all AWish and crap.  I'm just having a rough time tonight.  I've been looking forward to the holidays so much, but tonight I was just sitting here, not doing anything in particular so my mind was free to wander.  Every christmas for five years now I have a vision in my head of how our family will look the following christmas.  Obviously that has never happened and it's hitting me extremely hard this year. 
There's not much point to this, other than rather than things getting easier with time, I feel like things are just getting harder. And painful in a different way than it was before. There is still the pain of loss, but now there is the pain of feeling hopeless.
Ok, I'm going to drink all of the wine now.  I mean, I'll share if I gotta.
I love you gals so much. 



We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
TTC since February 2010
Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
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Re: Sunday Night Vent/Sadness

  • mara005mara005 member
    ((hugs))

    "Love is what makes pain bearable." - I love you my Angels. 
    **All After a Loss Welcome**
    BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
    BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
    BFP #3: 12/19/13 (4 w1d) EDD 8/27/14 - 1/1/14 discovered it was ectopic/ tube had burst/ had surgery to remove tube (@ 6 weeks)
    BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
    BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!     

    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • renegadewhitrenegadewhit member
    edited November 2014
    I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sending you ((Big Hugs)), peaceful thoughts, and lots of internet wine. Holidays are hard. 

    image

    ETA Pictures are hard.
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    I'll be at a new place providing support. 


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  • rslh10rslh10 member
    So many ((hugs)) lady
    image
    Hubs & I -29 • Met 5/18/04 • Married 5/8/10
    BFP #1 DS 2/7/11 (Born @ 34 wks via ECS due to Pre-e) TTC #2 since Aug '13
    DX Low AMH (.58) March '14 • FSH-7.5 • E2-35.5 (Nov '14)
    SA- Great numbers • SIS- Clear (Nov '14)
     Cycle 1- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-BFP • EDD 1/12/15 
    Ectopic @ 5w6d • Methotrexate Shot 5/18/14
    Cycle 2,3,4- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-- BFN
    Cycle 5- Letrozole CD3-7 & Trigger BFFN
    image
    • Everyone Welcome •
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge • Animal Snow Interactions
    image


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  • TashaCNTashaCN member
    Sorry you are going through this. I hope that tomorrow is better...Sometimes being left alone and not busy is the worst. I hope the wine helps. 
     Me: 30, DH: 30. Dating since 2007- Married: 5/18/13. 
    BFP: 9/3/14, Found out we had triplets 10/10/14,  EDD: 5/14/15, Confirmed MMC: 10/14/14. D&C: 10/16/14.
    Formerly TashaCN and wonderigwhatmyfutureholds

    All AL welcome. 
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  • MenrandesMenrandes member
    Thanks for the hugs ladies.  You guys are awesome.  Like, seriously.  You all make me feel better. 
    >:D<
    We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
    TTC since February 2010
    Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
    BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
    BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
    Naked push-up foreplay pioneer
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  • mflowers929mflowers929 member
    *squishy hugs* I can't offer much in the way of helpful comments right now, but you have all of my commiseration
    Momma to 3 angels and two amazing children
    F born June 2018
    W born September 2020
    #3 due November 2022
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  • ctk181ctk181 member
    ((Hugs))
    Married: 4/28/12
    BFP: 7/2/14 ;  1st US 7/21/14 Baby measuring 7w5d, HB of 138;  Discovered MMC 8/18/14 at 11w2d, baby measuring 8w5d, no hb ; 8/19/14 D&C
    image

    TTCAL December siggy challenge - Autocorrect Fails

    image

    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</My Chart

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  • meredithcarolemeredithcarole member
    ((Hugs)). I am sorry it is hitting you so hard right now. Drink all the wine if you want, but if you could save me a glass that would be great :)
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

    image

      
    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

    image

    My Ovulation Chart
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  • ellebelle2384ellebelle2384 member
    So many (hugs).
    Me: 31     DH: 33
    Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
    BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
    BFP#2: 5/3/11 - EDD 1/9/12 - DD Born 1/6/12
    image
    TTC #2 since 12/13
    BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
    BFP#4: MC 5/6/14 at 4w4d - EDD 1/9/15
    BFP#5: MMC discovered 8/4/14 at 9w1d - D&C 8/5/14 - Baby Boy with Trisomy 16 (maternal origin) - EDD 3/8/15
    BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
    IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
    IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
    PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
    FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
    Natural FET 11/4/15 = BFP!
    Beta 9dp5dt = 92

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  • O2girlO2girl member
    ((((Hugs)))) sweets. It is a difficult journey for sure; sometimes it is more difficult than other times. ((((Hugs))))
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow

    image


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  • EIsieMaeEIsieMae member
    ::Hugs::
    BFP #1: 5-14-2010, DD born 1-22-2011
    BFP #2: 4-20-2012, Natural MC 5-1-2012
    BFP #3: 7-19-2012, DS born 3-27-2013
    BFP #4: 9-13-2014, MMC discovered 10-27-14 at 10w, d&c on 11-6-14 

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  • MrsKush1014MrsKush1014 member
    ((Hugs))

    image
    BFP: 3/9/2014  EDD: 11/11/2014  MMC: 4/10/2014  D&C: 4/11/2014
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  • flyoffeveflyoffeve member
    (Hugs) Triggers and time alone with our thoughts are very difficult.

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks

    image 

     My Chart

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  • MenrandesMenrandes member
    Thanks for all the hugs and thoughts. They mean a lot :).
    I'm going to try to focus on the positive this season, if I can. But yeah, it's definitely triggering.
    @HoldingOutHope‌ you can have as much as you want! Ugh.... Monday morning with a hangover, even a slight one, is no fun.
    We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
    TTC since February 2010
    Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
    BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
    BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
    Naked push-up foreplay pioneer
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  • MenrandesMenrandes member
    @HoldingOutHope‌ oh yeah, especially rainy Monday mornings hungover!
    We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
    TTC since February 2010
    Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
    BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
    BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
    Naked push-up foreplay pioneer
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  • Nikolie93Nikolie93 member
    I missed this last night but here are some Monday *hugs* for you! I understand how you're feeling about the holidays. I am having a bit more "better" days now but the triggers are a bitch. 


    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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  • lycihlycih member
    ((hugs))


    ::The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar that even the ultimate fullfillment of that hope cannot fully erase:: Thomas Hardy

    BFP #1: 07/08/11  EDD: 03/22/12  Missed miscarriage @ 8w: 08/11/11, stopped growing @ 6w6d
    BFP #2: 03/26/12  EDD: 12/07/12  We have a HB at 7w!! (04/20/12)  CSD born 12/12/12 
    BFP #3: 08/05/14  Chemical Pregnancy at 4w3d 08/06/14
    BFP #4: 10/02/14  EDD: 06/10/15  Miscarriage at 6w6d 10/22/14




    TTCAL Siggy Challenge
    image



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  • rmpar29rmpar29 member
    I'm so sorry that you are struggling.  Many (((((HUGS))))) coming your way honey!
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS     6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014
    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
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  • Km380Km380 member
    I didn't see this last night, (((hugs))) the holidays are really going to be a struggle
    Hope you don't have a hangover today >:D<

    PgAL welcome


    Married 6/11/2011

    Me & Hubby: 34

    TTC journey started 12/2012

    BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks

    BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)

    Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.

    Also have hypothyroidism

    Started TTC again 12/2013

     

    IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN

    IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN

    Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498

    image imageimage

    image


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  • MenrandesMenrandes member
    @GLB30 @Sterling13
    I am better today, thanks!  Still trapped a bit in my own mind, but feeling slightly less hopeless than I did yesterday. 
    We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
    TTC since February 2010
    Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
    BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
    BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
    Naked push-up foreplay pioneer
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