I don't want to live in my head any more

mflowers929

I'm having a bad night.
I'm a month off my edd, I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow, and 2 of the December ladies graduated this week (if you're lurking, I don't blame you, it just compounded what was already happening).

I can't stop and just be, because every time I try, I start thinking about how I feel tricked by my body, and cheated because I never even saw a heartbeat to know that my baby was alive inside of me. I've been practically manic for the past few weeks trying to keep myself busy.

And now I can't stop crying, and my husband, trying to help, tells me that I need to let it go.

Even though I know I'm not, I just feel very alone tonight.

forevermyfenix

I'm so sorry. I know internet hugs can only do so much, but 

Nikolie93

I'm so sorry you're having a bad night. Baby showers are one thing that is very hard for me so I can understand why it triggered a crappy night.

Wish I had words to make it all go away. *hugs*

Menrandes

Oh lady...I'm sorry that you are feeling this way tonight. 



We are always here for you.

O2girl

Oh honey! I'm so sorry. >:D<

Nikolie93

I agree with @CFearsy‌ about a counselor, it may be good. I keep saying I'm going to talk to one as well.

FutureMrsWright2012

So so sorry, chica. Big huge creepy internet hugs to you. 

meredithcarole

I am so sorry you are struggling. Counseling has really helped me to deal with my emotions surrounding both my loss and my bff's subsequent good fortune. Sometimes just talking it out with a neutral party helps more than anything else. (((Hugs)))

tlc35

Hugs, I get it.  Freaking EDD's suck, a lot.

megrae12

((Hugs)) sweetie. EDDs are hard

negritosmami

My sisters baby shower is tomorrow(prior to my loss we were three weeks apart)..I'm terrified it will send me into the "dark place" after...I have wine waiting for me after!here's hoping tomorrow is bearable for both of us..you're not alone in how you feel. Many hugs

EIsieMae

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. I know that it's already been said, but I also agree about talking to someone. Huge hugs to you. And I hope tomorrow goes by really quickly.

ellebelle2384

Big huge hugs.  I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.  Please vent/talk to us anytime you need to.  I also agree about talking to someone, because although we can send you tons of internet hugs it's good to have someone IRL.  Talk therapy along with meds has gotten me through the second half of this year.  PM me if you ever want to talk. (hugs)

ctk181

Giant hugs to you. (((HUGS)))

BookishMomma

Oh honey, I know where you're at. My head is an ugly place (and my DH says the same thing about needing to let go). HUGS.

bookwormfnp

Big hugs coming your way. I talked to a counselor. It helps. I know how that void feels. I'm so glad I found this group.

nikiswimr

You're not alone. Huge ((hugs)). Thinking of you tonight and tomorrow.

rslh10

So many hugs, lady. I found a select few people who I talk to about everything that have helped me more than I know how to express. I have seen a therapist (unrelated) and it was a great experience (even though the situation I needed it for was shitty). It's worth a shot.

As a good friend of mine said yesterday, "I'm on team whatever makes this a teensy bit easier for you". -amybunny30

And more huge hugs!!! Also, you don't have to let anything go. You're allowed to feel the emotions that you are!

schuebja

Sending lots of hugs. I hope today goes by quick for you

uromys

Many (((hugs)))! I hope that your weekend gets a little better. I actually volunteered my self and DH to help my parents close up our WV cabin next weekend just to get out of going to a baby shower. Best friends or not it's still hard for me to handle. Wishing you a better week! ((hugs))

mflowers929

Thank you so much everyone. I so appreciate the support. I wrote some smut, had a good sleep, and I'm going to go eat a piece of pie and a big mug of coffee for breakfast before I wrap the present for the baby shower.
I know it'll give me mixed feelings, but this friend had 4 losses in the span on a year, so I really am more happy for her, especially because she's been pretty good to me and let me vent to her. And I love the present I got her (a copy of A Little Princess)

Every time I think I'm okay, something throws me off again, so I think it's time I get over my feelings and find someone to talk to. I know I'm not in a good head space, and I obviously haven't been for a while.

jms627

Big, enormous hugs to you. I can't add anything that the PPs haven't except to say that we are here for you!

flyoffeve

So many (Hugs). PP have said so much. I hope that you continue to let it out here and consider if you want to talk to a professional. I am so sorry you are feeling down. It is so difficult. I know that when I was having a rough time a few weeks ago, writing it out on this board did make it feel as though it lifted off my chest some. You are not alone. More (Hugs).

lovemybellag

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Please know that we all have our demons per se. I struggle with IF as well as a loss and it's not easy. No one should have to go through this. It's like a cruel joke that never ends. Yes time goes by but you never forget and live with the loss for the rest of your life. Please know @mflowers929‌ that we are all here for you. Pm me anytime if you need to talk. That goes for any of you ladies. I am an open ear. Here is an open invitation for any of you ladies to PM me at any time or put an @ in a discussion to grab my attention. I am happy to listen to a vent, complaint or anything at any time! My best to you all.

lycih

I'm so sorry -- some days can be so, so hard.  ((hugs))

AngieL610

oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I understand totally. I found that journaling really helped me. I wrote to baby and it helped me to write down what I was feeling. I hope the shower goes well. hugs!!

stephy1221

Huge Hugs. So sorry you are going through a rough patch now.

Nikolie93

Hope you're having a better day @mflowers929 *hug*

mflowers929

@Nikolie - I am. 2 days of drunking, spending yesterday afternoon on my couch, and being thisclose to finishing my book is finally lifting my spirits. Can't say I won't relapse, but for the moment, yes, definitely having a better day

Nikolie93

So good to hear! I'm sure there will be triggers that will suck but it gets a bit easier.