How do you handle doctor's appointments when you don't want to be touched?

AnnaK1985

Aside from just bearing it?  Since my husband has opened his mouth, I have had to deal with congratulatory hugs that I don't want, I don't even want him touching me, and my eye appointment was a nightmare.  And frankly, I'm pretty sure there's no way you can have an appointment to check on a baby without touching.

schnitz9

@annaK1985 I'm so glad you've decided to stick around.  Have you found a therapist you can speak with?  There are many therapists who would be willing to do phone sessions since you can't drive.  They might also be willing to do home visits too.  This is something that you can work on with a therapist.  They can give you coping techniques to use in these types of situations.  In the meantime I would call your OB's office and speak with them.  Have them put a not in your chart about your fear.  When you go in for normal check-up they are going to ask for a urine sample, weigh you, take your BP (this will involve touching), the doc will ask how you are feeling, they will check the baby's HB with the doppler (the doppler with touch you and they will have to put gel on you), your doc will also start to feel your tummy.  As you get further along they will do cervical checks as well. If there is a not in your file they will be aware to keep the touching to a minimum.  Also they can give you a heads up before they touch you.  Would it help you if the the doc or nurse explained what they are going to do before they do it?  For instance if the doc said "OK Anna, right now I'm going to put the gel on your tummy and put the doppler on and then light press to feel the baby and that's all." Does knowing exactly was to expect help?

AnnaK1985

schnitz9 said:

@annaK1985 I'm so glad you've decided to stick around.  Have you found a therapist you can speak with?  There are many therapists who would be willing to do phone sessions since you can't drive.  They might also be willing to do home visits too.  This is something that you can work on with a therapist.  They can give you coping techniques to use in these types of situations.  In the meantime I would call your OB's office and speak with them.  Have them put a not in your chart about your fear.  When you go in for normal check-up they are going to ask for a urine sample, weigh you, take your BP (this will involve touching), the doc will ask how you are feeling, they will check the baby's HB with the doppler (the doppler with touch you and they will have to put gel on you), your doc will also start to feel your tummy.  As you get further along they will do cervical checks as well. If there is a not in your file they will be aware to keep the touching to a minimum.  Also they can give you a heads up before they touch you.  Would it help you if the the doc or nurse explained what they are going to do before they do it?  For instance if the doc said "OK Anna, right now I'm going to put the gel on your tummy and put the doppler on and then light press to feel the baby and that's all." Does knowing exactly was to expect help?

Thank you.  I haven't, I mean I've even seen some online that do x amount per chat or per minute, but that's really all I've done.  

I'll give them a call, but I don't know if telling me what they're doing will be much of a comfort.

PrimRoseMama

Explain your reservations to your medical professionals. Prenatal care does involve some physical contact. However, it's mostly quick & minimal.

The most I was touched was to measure my fundus (belly measurement) & during my two ultrasounds (with a wand). The BP measurements are with a cuff that involves minimal contact.

Is this new?

Have you always had issues being touched?

Is it just medical professionals?

Also, having a newborn (later) will be very "hands on" in that babies love to be held. Do you have a plan in place to deal with the touch an infant will require of you? I'm not snarking. I'm serious.

AnnaK1985

It's new, yes.  I do have some trust issues with doctors, I've had bad experiences at young ages, but right now I want no one to touch me.  If this doesn't change, I don't know what I'll do with a newborn.

AnnaK1985

emmyg65 said:

Not all doctors do cervical checks,  btw, and you can decline them. Unless you have other issues like preterm labor, they don't really tell you much (women have walked around at 4cm for weeks).

I've only been to one appointment, so that is very nice to know.

pixieprincss

You can politely decline internal exams and ultrasounds. I use a professional midwife now and vaginal exams are not part of appointments, but when I saw an OB I just would say, "I'm going to pass on the internal exam today." At one OB appointment, I did elect a cervical check along with a Group B Strep check, but that was it. I do allow checks with a Doppler or stethoscope, but I don't find those invasive and my midwife spends an hour with me at every appointment, so we are comfortable with each other.

It sounds like there is more to this than just this question, and I wish you all of the courage in the world to connect with some help.

thejucheidea

emmyg65 said:

Not all doctors do cervical checks,  btw, and you can decline them. Unless you have other issues like preterm labor, they don't really tell you much (women have walked around at 4cm for weeks).

Yeah, I'm at 23 weeks and haven't had a single internal exam yet. I have no clue when that will start.

schnitz9

AnnaK1985 said:

schnitz9 said:

@annaK1985 I'm so glad you've decided to stick around.  Have you found a therapist you can speak with?  There are many therapists who would be willing to do phone sessions since you can't drive.  They might also be willing to do home visits too.  This is something that you can work on with a therapist.  They can give you coping techniques to use in these types of situations.  In the meantime I would call your OB's office and speak with them.  Have them put a not in your chart about your fear.  When you go in for normal check-up they are going to ask for a urine sample, weigh you, take your BP (this will involve touching), the doc will ask how you are feeling, they will check the baby's HB with the doppler (the doppler with touch you and they will have to put gel on you), your doc will also start to feel your tummy.  As you get further along they will do cervical checks as well. If there is a not in your file they will be aware to keep the touching to a minimum.  Also they can give you a heads up before they touch you.  Would it help you if the the doc or nurse explained what they are going to do before they do it?  For instance if the doc said "OK Anna, right now I'm going to put the gel on your tummy and put the doppler on and then light press to feel the baby and that's all." Does knowing exactly was to expect help?

Thank you.  I haven't, I mean I've even seen some online that do x amount per chat or per minute, but that's really all I've done.  

I'll give them a call, but I don't know if telling me what they're doing will be much of a comfort.

My therapist will do a phone session at no extra charge. Check your mental health coverage with insurance. In many cases there is no difference if you go to an office or are on the phone. For instance in my case I get 40 visits yearly covered with a $15 copay. I see her every 2 weeks. If there's and issue with me coming in she will do a phone session for the same. A call doesn't hurt....

AnnaK1985

Interesting, didn't know they could do phone calls.  I really wouldn't trust an online one, either way.

schnitz9

AnnaK1985 said:

Interesting, didn't know they could do phone calls.  I really wouldn't trust an online one, either way.

If your insurance covers mental health you can find a therapist that can do anything really.  I know with your situation there may be some that can come to your home to meet with you since you can't drive.  Like I said phone sessions are another great option.  Steer clear of online help.  You never really know who you are talking to.  I really think that therapy will help immensely with this fear.  Anxiety can be crippling and new fears can emerge with increased stressed.  A therapist can give you great coping techniques to work through these issues.  I think you're doing a great job coming here an speaking with us.  It seems to be helping just a bit.  Not to worry though like others have said many appts don't involve much touching.  I'm 27 weeks and I haven't had any internal checks yet.  Since we were TTC I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and have been going to the doc since.  The only touching I've experienced is when they take my BP, if they need to give me a shot or take blood, for an ultrasound, when they use the doppler, and when the doc measures my tummy.  Very minimal touching seconds at most.  I did need a vaginal ultrasound in the beginning bit since you are already in the 2nd tri you will not need them as the baby is big enough to see on an abdominal one.  Anna, remember we are all here for you and have your back.  Feel free to PM me at anytime if you feel anxious about anything.  I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for over 20 years and have made some really good progress with my treatment.  If you need to talk or just hear someone tell you its going to be OK don't be afraid to ask.

AnnaK1985

schnitz9 said:

AnnaK1985 said:

Interesting, didn't know they could do phone calls.  I really wouldn't trust an online one, either way.

If your insurance covers mental health you can find a therapist that can do anything really.  I know with your situation there may be some that can come to your home to meet with you since you can't drive.  Like I said phone sessions are another great option.  Steer clear of online help.  You never really know who you are talking to.  I really think that therapy will help immensely with this fear.  Anxiety can be crippling and new fears can emerge with increased stressed.  A therapist can give you great coping techniques to work through these issues.  I think you're doing a great job coming here an speaking with us.  It seems to be helping just a bit.  Not to worry though like others have said many appts don't involve much touching.  I'm 27 weeks and I haven't had any internal checks yet.  Since we were TTC I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and have been going to the doc since.  The only touching I've experienced is when they take my BP, if they need to give me a shot or take blood, for an ultrasound, when they use the doppler, and when the doc measures my tummy.  Very minimal touching seconds at most.  I did need a vaginal ultrasound in the beginning bit since you are already in the 2nd tri you will not need them as the baby is big enough to see on an abdominal one.  Anna, remember we are all here for you and have your back.  Feel free to PM me at anytime if you feel anxious about anything.  I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for over 20 years and have made some really good progress with my treatment.  If you need to talk or just hear someone tell you its going to be OK don't be afraid to ask.

Thank you, I really appreciate the offer.  I tend to lurk here more than saying anything, but sometimes there's something I feel I have to ask.  And I'm really getting frustrated with people here.  None of our friends have kids, and they all think I'm wrong for not being excited.  My husband is excited for both of us, leave me alone and stop hugging me!  I just don't want anyone bothering me and that includes doctors.