UO Thursday

SoSayWeAll

I wanted to start this early. Let's hear it!

SoSayWeAll

I think that there is what you read on kellymom and other websites and then there is real life. For example, your baby will need 1-1.5 oz per hour you're away. Nope...it's more like 2 oz for DS.

IceHide61313

Sometimes when I'm having a bad day with LO and she's crying, I will put my hand over her mouth repeatedly really fast to make that funny sound. One time DH had to take her because I was laughing so hard.

I've only done it maybeee 3 times. It's a pretty quick pick-me-up.

poofwok

I hate clubbing. I dislike the club vibe. I get bored within 20 mins.

becominggold

@SoSayWeAll‌ that exactly. Sometimes I feel like I should stop reading and go with my gut on more things.

IceHide61313

Justine2502 said:

I hate clubbing. I dislike the club vibe. I get bored within 20 mins.

I've never been to a club but I am pretty sure I'd feel the same.

lynds002

Ok ladies, I've got a very uo this week.

I don't think the US (or any other country for that matter) should have long periods of paid maternity leave.

First, it's not free. You're either paying for it via taxes or a reduced salary. Second, everyone else is paying for it too, including those struggling with infertility and those that have made the personal choice not to have kids. Why should those people contribute to my time off?

Further, I wouldn't want any maternity benefits if there weren't equal paternity benefits. I don't need to be giving employers any other reasons to be hiring a man over me. I've heard that in countries where there is a paid maternity leave of over 6 months, women suffer in employment rates.

Plus, once you have paid maternity leave for an extended period, mothers pretty much have to take it. I can see there being some women who would rather not take a year off from advancing in their career, particularly those whose jobs involve maintaining relationships with business partners.

That being said, I'm all for employers offering leave as a perk of employment. Mine didn't, and it would have been nice...

caybeh

becominggold said:

@SoSayWeAll‌ that exactly. Sometimes I feel like I should stop reading and go with my gut on more things.

Exactly! I think they are a good resource but can cause a lot of stress if trying to follow it to a T. I did that with DS. Now with DD, I'm a lot more relaxed and go with my gut a lot more.

SoSayWeAll

In that favorites thread I feel like a serious underacheiver. I read to him and put him in tummy time and on his activity mat, but mostly his favorite is nursing.

JadaBlue

@lynds002‌ You say you're against "long periods" of paid maternity leave, but why worry about that when there is zip, zero, zilch mandatory paid maternity leave in the U.S.? Why create a strawman? Also, serious eyeroll for the horror of society funding time for newborns to be with a parent--apart from the obvious point that society already funds schooling, etc, we all pay for stuff from which we do not directly benefit. I'm sure lots of us would like our Iraq money back.

jendem8

I hate Kim Kardashian's ass pictures.

kareik01

lynds002 said:

Ok ladies, I've got a very uo this week. I don't think the US (or any other country for that matter) should have long periods of paid maternity leave. First, it's not free. You're either paying for it via taxes or a reduced salary. Second, everyone else is paying for it too, including those struggling with infertility and those that have made the personal choice not to have kids. Why should those people contribute to my time off? Further, I wouldn't want any maternity benefits if there weren't equal paternity benefits. I don't need to be giving employers any other reasons to be hiring a man over me. I've heard that in countries where there is a paid maternity leave of over 6 months, women suffer in employment rates. Plus, once you have paid maternity leave for an extended period, mothers pretty much have to take it. I can see there being some women who would rather not take a year off from advancing in their career, particularly those whose jobs involve maintaining relationships with business partners. That being said, I'm all for employers offering leave as a perk of employment. Mine didn't, and it would have been nice...

This happens all the time. We pay taxes for TONS of things we don't want and often even vote against. I'm currently paying taxes on a new street being poured outside my house...I voted against it but I still have to pay for it.

And we are all paying for Medicaid benefits even though I see that system abused every single day.  

I just think maternity leave is something actually WORTH it, and I have a hard time believing someone wouldn't be ok with giving a new mother the time she deserves with her newborn if they're ok with paying for new streets, or new prisons being built, or local school officials getting huge pay raises.

Especially those with infertility...I can't imagine they wouldn't want to support maternity leave, because when/if the day comes that they can finally have a child, that mother will know better than most the importance of loving her baby.

Edited to add thoughts

kimberlybethh

This may get me flamed but I side eye a little people who say that their kid (2 yrs and older) doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Unless there is some medical condition,

IMO there is no reason why a child that age can’t sleep through the night. Obviously, when kids are sick, teething, or are going through a new developmental phase it is normal to have some sleep disruptions. I expect DD to have trouble sleeping if she isn’t feeling well  but at 27 months, I expect her to sleep through the night the other 99% of the time. I would need to have myself committed if I was getting up in the middle of the night with a newborn and my toddler right now.

kimberlybethh

andrea ri 80 said:

My UO: 

I'd rather be a working mom than a SAHM.  (I used to think that working part time would be ideal, and that's still my objective, but I've also heard that the moms that work PT end up bearing the responsibility of  all the parenting, and the house work compared to the homes where both parents work FT and its shared between partners, also the routine of working FT helps rather than switching mindsets of on/off days).  When I had one LO I wanted to be a SAHM, but the toddler years have not been good to me.

And another UO:  I love my 20 month old DD1 to pieces, but she is driving me BSC these days.  She's been in the "terrible twos since she was 11 months old, and I. am. so. over. it. 

I work part-time and totally relate to this I also sympathize with having a crazy toddler. DD was a she-devil starting at 17 months but her behavior has really improved in the last 3 months (starting around 24 months). Hang in there!

kareik01

@ChrisseB ohhh I'm loving that parental leave idea!

DH didn't get any leave. He had 4 days of vacation/sick leave (which is all rolled into one...) to take. So we went completely unpaid for a few days because we were in the hospital for a day and a half of that 4 days, and he wanted longer than 2 days at home with us.

And I had ZERO days of leave. But I knew that ahead of time so I had purchased short-term disability more than a year before DD was born. But still...I have to pay out of pocket for only partial coverage for maternity leave. That sucks and sure isn't fair.

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RedBean84

my UO: I don't really like Christmas. It always ends up being a major source of stress for me.  I've felt this way since I was in high school.  The only thing I really like about it is sending/receiving Christmas cards because I love seeing pics of all my friends kids.  I wish my family wouldn't exchange gifts and we would just adopt a family or give to a charity.  Hopefully my attitude will change because I really want DD to love Christmas.

poofwok

RedBean84 said:

my UO: I don't really like Christmas. It always ends up being a major source of stress for me.  I've felt this way since I was in high school.  The only thing I really like about it is sending/receiving Christmas cards because I love seeing pics of all my friends kids.  I wish my family wouldn't exchange gifts and we would just adopt a family or give to a charity.  Hopefully my attitude will change because I really want DD to love Christmas.

Yup, i actually love the christmas music, the tree, the snow (only for christmas) and getting together with family but i dislike the gifts... I never know what to buy anyone and it always costs a fortune.

kimberlybethh

andrea ri 80 said:

kimberlybethh said:

This may get me flamed but I side eye a little people who say that their kid (2 yrs and older) doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Unless there is some medical condition,

IMO there is no reason why a child that age can’t sleep through the night. Obviously, when kids are sick, teething, or are going through a new developmental phase it is normal to have some sleep disruptions. I expect DD to have trouble sleeping if she isn’t feeling well  but at 27 months, I expect her to sleep through the night the other 99% of the time. I would need to have myself committed if I was getting up in the middle of the night with a newborn and my toddler right now.

My son is nearly 3.5 and he's only sttn about 5 times.  He has night terrors and "wakes up" screaming bloody murder for about 20 minutes each night.  Its actually an improvement because he used two have two 40 minute episodes a night.  I wouldn't wish this on anybody, but I think it could happen to anybody, our DD1 sleeps great and we didn't do anything different for her, so um, what's your UO?  That I'm making my son not sleep?  That it would suck to have to get up with a pre-schooler and a NB, because it really does suck.   

Guess I didn't make myself clear. I have several friends with kids DD's age and older that complain almost daily that their kids don't sleep through the night but they let them stay up super late, watch TV, and make them snacks when they get up in the middle of the night. None of these kids have issues that prevent them from sleeping through the night and would all be capable if bad sleep habits weren't being reinforced. I consider night terrors a medical condition. I can't imagine having to deal with that and apologize if I sounded insensitive.

dogperson11

lynds002 said:

Ok ladies, I've got a very uo this week.

I don't think the US (or any other country for that matter) should have long periods of paid maternity leave.

First, it's not free. You're either paying for it via taxes or a reduced salary. Second, everyone else is paying for it too, including those struggling with infertility and those that have made the personal choice not to have kids. Why should those people contribute to my time off?

Further, I wouldn't want any maternity benefits if there weren't equal paternity benefits. I don't need to be giving employers any other reasons to be hiring a man over me. I've heard that in countries where there is a paid maternity leave of over 6 months, women suffer in employment rates.

Plus, once you have paid maternity leave for an extended period, mothers pretty much have to take it. I can see there being some women who would rather not take a year off from advancing in their career, particularly those whose jobs involve maintaining relationships with business partners.

That being said, I'm all for employers offering leave as a perk of employment. Mine didn't, and it would have been nice...

I can't fathom a new mom saying she doesn't think new moms should get any paid time off. You realize that some people can't afford to not be paid, right? So essentially you're say in new mothers don't need to be with their babies. Everyone else has very politely and eloquently pointed out the faults in this (ie, we're all paying for stuff we didn't want / don't use). I just wanted to add a big screw you from those of us who had zero paid time off.

Ktorrisi

@cricketsue4u‌ my tree is already up!

lynds002

As I said, I didn't have any paid leave either.

And yes, I think it is a good thing for mothers and fathers to have time with their new babies. I guess it just comes down to what you think the role of government should be.
I just don't see why it is the government's responsibility to make sure everyone is paid for maternity leave. There are many situations where people are out of work for injury or illness and the government doesn't step in.

And I think we can all agree there is a big difference between public education and maternity leave. One is crucial to making sure the country continues to thrive and prepares children to participate in the economy, the other does not.

Again though, my original opinion was only about long periods of leave, like the year in Canada. I'm not necessarily opposed to a shorter period of six weeks or so, provided it's given to fathers as well.

kareik01

lynds002 said:

As I said, I didn't have any paid leave either. And yes, I think it is a good thing for mothers and fathers to have time with their new babies. I guess it just comes down to what you think the role of government should be. I just don't see why it is the government's responsibility to make sure everyone is paid for maternity leave. There are many situations where people are out of work for injury or illness and the government doesn't step in. And I think we can all agree there is a big difference between public education and maternity leave. One is crucial to making sure the country continues to thrive and prepares children to participate in the economy, the other does not. Again though, my original opinion was only about long periods of leave, like the year in Canada. I'm not necessarily opposed to a shorter period of six weeks or so, provided it's given to fathers as well.

First highlight: So our country should put itself in debt to fight another country's wars but not to give it's mothers the chance to raise their babies like every other developed country does? I just read this morning that our battle with ISIS costs the US $300,000 an hour. I'm pretty sure that kind of money could give new mothers paid maternity leave for at least 12 weeks...

(I'm not saying we shouldn't help other countries since we are able...just making a point that if we can spend money on that, then we should be able to spend money on moms and their babies)

Second highlight: I just don't like this. The education of our children and the chance for a mother to bond with her baby are EQUALLY important, just in different ways.

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lynds002

@kareik01, totally agree military spending is out of control. That money could definitely be used for something better.

abbym715

One more reason I'm thankful to be a Californian. My husband and I both got paid leave to bond with DS. Technically I got 14 bc of my csection (disability pays 6-8 weeks and the paid family leave is another 6 weeks). DH took off 4 weeks when DS was first born and saved his last 2 weeks for the holidays. We're in the minority with how much time we get and sadly I still want more.

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MC03

addysmom22 said:

I'm not going to touch the maternity leave thing, because others have got that perfectly covered and it pisses me off to no avail for someone to think it's not necessary to have an extended period of time with their newborn, but going along with the sleep issue.. I seriously side eye anyone who lets their kids stay up til 1 or 2 am and then sleep til noon (not referring to teenagers). My cousin has taught her 1 and 3 year old to do this so she can sleep in every morning. I think it's completely ridiculous. Good luck when they start school in a few years..

We have friends like this and I think it's crazy!!  It's also really annoying because when we get together with them for dinner at like 5pm my DD1 is always so excited to play with them and they are napping usually until like 7pm! So she just sits and plays by herself until they get up, and then we usually have to leave like 20 minutes later to get her into bed at a reasonable time.  I don't get it!

SLMckinnon

I'm almost afraid to touch the maternity leave discussion being that I am in canada and do get a long (partially) paid leave. I just wanted to clarify that my leave is through EI benefits, and while the first 17 weeks are maternity leave, the remaining 35 are called parental leave and either parent can take them or you can share. My husband is taking 4-6 weeks of the leave so we can both be off next summer when LO is older. I will just go unpaid for that time period because I work in the school system and don't go back until September. But technically benefits can be equal for moms and dads (each get 6 months, either back to back or at the same time) if that's what the family chooses

kareik01

missmimsyy said:

My UO: At this point the vast majority (of the US bumpies) have used what maternity leave is available and there is no point in beating a dead horse. Complain about it when your pregnant again.

That horse 'aint dead...it's running at full speed right now. The point is that we should still be on maternity leave but aren't because of the lack of benefits for it...

jamjoyful

kimberlybethh said:

This may get me flamed but I side eye a little people who
say that their kid (2 yrs and older) doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Unless there is some medical condition,

IMO there is no reason why
a child that age can’t sleep through the night. Obviously, when kids are sick,
teething, or are going through a new developmental phase it is normal to have
some sleep disruptions. I expect DD to have trouble sleeping if she isn’t
feeling well  but at 27 months, I expect
her to sleep through the night the other 99% of the time. I would need to have
myself committed if I was getting up in the middle of the night with a newborn and my toddler right now.

I get where you are coming from but would you STTN without children interruptions? I mean, I still wake up at least once a night to use the bathroom. DD1 sleeps through the night but there are still 2-3 times a week she wakes up for the bathroom or because she had a nightmare.

workmm01

I feel late to the game but I have two:
1) I don't do DH's laundry. I just don't think it's my job and he irons better than I do anyway.
2) I hate how many people expect tips. The only people I happily and generously tip are waitresses and for pedicures.

Shiva14

workmm01 said:

I feel late to the game but I have two:
1) I don't do DH's laundry. I just don't think it's my job and he irons better than I do anyway.
2) I hate how many people expect tips. The only people I happily and generously tip are waitresses and for pedicures.

As a former bartender, thank you. I tip everyone who expects it because you never know their base pay. Stylists may get $10/hour but if they have to pay for their chair and pay for all their product (just an example) I will gladly tip as well. It did hurt when I dropped a $100 tip for my wedding stylist after already paying them over $500 for a 2 hour service,

rainbowwillow

I like pumping at work. I get to chill out and relax in a quiet room.

I also don't deal with SO's laundry. That man generates more laundry than LO & I combined. I am sick of folding 400 t shirts and 300 gym shorts. And don't get me started on the socks. A centipede would own less socks.

Dawn5481

I have to wonder if not having an adequate maternity leave isn't directly related to American kids being so fucked up. There has to be some consequence to insufficient bonding with a parent. I know children and teens do bad things in other countries, but I feel like it is more prevalent in the United States. I may be stretching it a bit by saying this, but It just seems pretty coincidental that we are the only country without maternity leave and we have such a great number of juvenile delinquents.

debset396

My H has mountains of laundry too! How does he go through that many socks??

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jendem8

missmimsyy said:

I hate Kim Kardashian's ass pictures.

This is the opposite of a UO.

It's an UO for my husband, ugh.

The man who also owns 6,000 t-shirts and 10,000 socks, of which none match.  Jerk.

MrsLeahBentley

My UO is that I enjoy pumping. Possibly because I just started to BF and it's hard. I get to see how much exactly I produce and feed, and I know that the boobs get totally emptied (I am irrationally afraid of getting mastitis).

jamjoyful

I'm ready to put up my Christmas decorations now. The only reason I haven't is because I know my H will make me take them back down until after thanksgiving.

kimberlybethh

Joy1192 said:

This may get me flamed but I side eye a little people who say that their kid (2 yrs and older) doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Unless there is some medical condition,

IMO there is no reason why a child that age can’t sleep through the night. Obviously, when kids are sick, teething, or are going through a new developmental phase it is normal to have some sleep disruptions. I expect DD to have trouble sleeping if she isn’t feeling well  but at 27 months, I expect her to sleep through the night the other 99% of the time. I would need to have myself committed if I was getting up in the middle of the night with a newborn and my toddler right now.

I get where you are coming from but would you STTN without children interruptions? I mean, I still wake up at least once a night to use the bathroom. DD1 sleeps through the night but there are still 2-3 times a week she wakes up for the bathroom or because she had a nightmare.

I think we all have different definitions of STTN. I don't count getting up to go to the bathroom or kids waking up briefly and then falling back to sleep on their own as not sleeping through the night. I still get up 1-2x a night to pee.