AW: I don't know how to help (possible loss mentioned)

JellicalParker

Ladies! My best friend just called me, she is just shy of 12w along with her 2nd baby. She called me in a panic to tell me she is going to the hospital because she started bleeding today. She knows about my miscarriage, and we have been through that as well as both ttc together. I froze... She asked me to pray with her and I did. I mostly prayed for peace, comfort and clear communication with the doctors and nurses that will be taking care of her. I didn't know what to say, other than remind her to breathe and make sure she gets to the hospital safely first. I just remember that in that state of panic nothing made sense to me and I don't want to overwhelm her with statistics or information. 

I'm so worried for her, because I sincerely was excited for her. And I really don't know how to help, being the only woman privy to the entire situation. What do I say when she calls me back from the hospital? How can I help her? 

P.S. On the totally selfish side of things, just that one short phone call has really brought me down by reminding me what those days were like for me. 

PinkCamino

There really isn't anything you can do that you haven't already. Do you think she will call you to update you? If not maybe send a text telling her you are thinking of her and hoping for the best possible outcome.

JellicalParker

I told her to call me as she needed to. Luckily, its my day off so I don't have to worry about missing her calls. I texted her to make sure she got to the hospital safely, and she knows I'm here for her. 

Nikolie93

I'm with PinkCamino, a text letting her know you're thinking of her may be nice.

Just be there for her is really all you can do right now.

BethKate2

I agree about sending a text letting her know you're thinking of her if she doesn't call to update you.

JellicalParker

Thanks ladies! I will check on her again soon, make sure she knows I'm thinking about her. 

Nikolie93

Good luck to her.

welly01

The other ladies offered great suggestions but I just wanted to add that I am so very much hoping and praying that she can give you good news. How scary! Will be thinking about her and you.

JellicalParker

scout336 said:

The other ladies offered great suggestions but I just wanted to add that I am so very much hoping and praying that she can give you good news. How scary! Will be thinking about her and you.

Thank you! I really appreciate it! 

PinkCamino

JellicalParker said:

scout336 said:

The other ladies offered great suggestions but I just wanted to add that I am so very much hoping and praying that she can give you good news. How scary! Will be thinking about her and you.

Thank you! I really appreciate it! 

FX she gets answers tonight and that they don't make her wait or give her false hope. WHen I had a bleed like that with my 2nd BFP I went to the ER and they checked my betas which were something like 90 000, the doc said everything looked fine. I pushed for an u/s but because I had to go through the ER and couldn't get into labor and delivery they had a super old and unreliable u/s machine that picked up a heartbeat. I went home thinking I was dealing with a subchorionic hemmorhage when in fact it was the beginning of a loss.

JellicalParker

PinkCamino said:

JellicalParker said:

scout336 said:

The other ladies offered great suggestions but I just wanted to add that I am so very much hoping and praying that she can give you good news. How scary! Will be thinking about her and you.

Thank you! I really appreciate it! 

FX she gets answers tonight and that they don't make her wait or give her false hope. WHen I had a bleed like that with my 2nd BFP I went to the ER and they checked my betas which were something like 90 000, the doc said everything looked fine. I pushed for an u/s but because I had to go through the ER and couldn't get into labor and delivery they had a super old and unreliable u/s machine that picked up a heartbeat. I went home thinking I was dealing with a subchorionic hemmorhage when in fact it was the beginning of a loss.

Thank you! That's my biggest concern too! I know with my loss the communication was extremely unclear and it took a week to fully verify that I was having a loss. When she does get back in touch with me I hope she feels free to share everything they say. I told her that if she doesn't understand something to make them clarify, just because I don't want her to go through the kind of rollercoaster you and I both have gone through. 

meredithcarole

I imagine this is very stressful for you. On top of your concern for your friend, it is, of course, bringing up feelings you had. ((Hugs)) to you and best wishes for your friend.

alm288

I hope everything is okay with your friend. I think a text to check up on her is nice. Hope you are doing ok too. (((Hugs)))

welly01

@JellicalParker, any news this morning?

JellicalParker

She was released last night with a threatened miscarriage. The placenta was separating, but baby still looked good. My friend is staying hopeful. Docs said its about a 50/50 chance right now. She is going back in this morning to her OBGYN. Still very scary for her, but she is staying optimistic.

flyoffeve

I am so sorry she is in limbo right now waiting to see on that 50/50 chance. PP had good advice for how you can help. It sounds like she has a great friend in you. Be there for her to talk to, just sit quitely with, or be a shoulder when she needs. Also, there can never be too many hugs.

If it keeps, there are mantras on pgal that help like "today I am pg." If it goes the other way, all you need to say is "I am so sorry."

welly01

That doesn't sound very good.   FX that she will end up on the right side of the 50/50.

jms627

T&Ps to your friend.  I'm so sorry to hear she is going through this.

Km380

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope it turns out ok. I agree with pps, just be there to listen and offer support and hugs. I also 2nd the suggestion of bringing food. People did this for us and it helped so much.
(((Hugs))) for you also, I'm sure this is bringing up a lot for you

JellicalParker

You ladies all have wonderful suggestions. Thank you so very much!

mflowers929

FX that everything turns out okay!

MrsG80inTN

Hoping and praying that everything turns out ok for your friend.  I do like the idea of a meal... 

Nikolie93

Positive thoughts still going her way and a *hug* for you. I know it's hard for you since it brings up not so great memories but you're a good friend to be there for her and not run the other way

JellicalParker

Still waiting to hear from her. I'm planning on giving her a call later to make sure she is ok. Thank you for your support ladies. I'm blessed to have a support system like you all!