Genetic testing

Amandapandacakesshostra

My partner and I can't seem to agree on this. He wants to get all the tests possible done to see who is a carrier for what and what the babies chances are. He even wants to do the early blood test for the sex of the baby. I don't want to get any testing done because I will love this baby regardless of any faults they may have. It could be a girl or boy doesn't matter to me. I will love them unconditionally. I'm just nervous this will draw a wedge between us if we can't agree on this. I just don't think he understands what it feels like to be carrying a little life inside of you.

It's really making me sad and depressed about all the possible things that could go wrong. I really would like to focus on the positive!

Is anyone else having this problem? Any suggestions on what to do?

Thank you!

shibby00

Of course he doesn't understand. How could he? Knowing before hand so that you can have appropriate care arranged is a very good reason to have testing done.

KikiCohen

At the end of the day, YOU are the patient, not your partner, so you get to make the final say.  With that being said, many people choose to do genetic testing so that if there is a problem, they can be prepared.  That certainly doesn't mean you wouldn't love a baby with Down's Syndrome, for example, just that you may want to find out beforehand instead of in the delivery room.  

As far as finding out the sex of the baby, not all of the screenings will test that.  The "basic" first trimester testing does not, at least we weren't able to find out with DS.  

Honestly, the two of you need to sit down and weigh out the pros and cons of each option.  You don't have to decide right now if you want to go "team green" or not, but you will have to make a decision about the genetic screenings fairly soon.

loveinkw13

Can you do the middle of the road testing, so it's not invasive but will still give you some potential answers? 

I am leaning towards doing the screening tests, with an ultrasound and bloodwork. My OB explained to me that these screens are not diagnostic tests but give you a ratio of what your chances are of your baby having a genetic issue. This may help your husband understand what the chances are, if any.

I agree that it shouldn't be causing a problem in your relationship. He must just want to be prepared. Have you talked to him about how you feel? What does he say?

holliberry28

I assume OP is talking about the CVS because that can definitively tell you the sex at 10-12 weeks.

For me personally, I would rather have something that gives me answers with the least amount of error, and the non invasive testing seems to only give chances (1 in 50, 1 in 2000) etc and is too ambiguous for me.

And this was discussed before, some people would choose to abort if there was a problem, and that is their choice, too.

blu-eyedwife

This is how we deal with parenting, and it's a good thought on starting now if it works for you.  When DH and I have a disagreement on something, and there's no strong reason for either decision, the more conservative approach wins out.  (As an example, my DH would have my son out on a surfboard last year at 2, I want to wait till he's older.  We're waiting.  I don't think we need to bring my son to the doctor for a spider bite, DH does.  We bring him in.)

Do you have a strong reason for not wanting testing?  (the invasiveness, fear of needles, etc.)  Because if not, and you just don't think it's necessary, it might be something you want to bend on. 

KimberlyandThor2014

blu-eyedwife said:

This is how we deal with parenting, and it's a good thought on starting now if it works for you.  When DH and I have a disagreement on something, and there's no strong reason for either decision, the more conservative approach wins out.  (As an example, my DH would have my son out on a surfboard last year at 2, I want to wait till he's older.  We're waiting.  I don't think we need to bring my son to the doctor for a spider bite, DH does.  We bring him in.)

Do you have a strong reason for not wanting testing?  (the invasiveness, fear of needles, etc.)  Because if not, and you just don't think it's necessary, it might be something you want to bend on. 

What a great way to work out compromises! There will be differences from now until forever when it comes to parenting, so it's super important to be able to work together like this. I always feel like parents should present a unified front, and the only way to do that is to find good compromising ground.

-T-

To answer your question, yes we did do genetic testing. We did it after DS was born to determine if one of us was the carrier of his congenital birth defect. Neither of us are carriers, sometimes sh!t just happens. Many problems can be seen via ultrasound so in the future, we will likely not do any optional testing, we will just be doing the standard ultrasounds.

ETA words are hard today.

Amandapandacakesshostra

Thank you everyone for all of your responses. It really got me thinking. I just feel that all of this testing is so new and its great for people who would like to know or need to know for whatever reason. My mom never had this done with me. I just feel it's not the route I would like to take. Obviously, if something was picked up on an ultrasound or the doctor told me something was wrong maybe I would get the testing done.

I had a conversation with my husband about it and he seems to be coming around. He said that is fine and respects whatever decision I make about my body. He would like to get it done for himself to know and he would also like to know the sex.

I told him that was fine but I do not want anyone to tell me what the sex of the baby is. I would like to be surprised

 

dkleid

I had the "jewish panel" of blood test done, not because I would terminate if it turns out this baby had any of them but because if something did show up, I wanted to be fully educated before the baby arrived. DH was the same way, He wants to know anything and everything that could go wrong so that we can educated ourselves as much as possible.    Just so you know it is just blood work, nothing invasive at all. Ultimatly you have to do what is best for you and DH. 

ksimo6

KikiCohen said:

At the end of the day, YOU are the patient, not your partner, so you get to make the final say.  With that being said, many people choose to do genetic testing so that if there is a problem, they can be prepared.  That certainly doesn't mean you wouldn't love a baby with Down's Syndrome, for example, just that you may want to find out beforehand instead of in the delivery room.

Wow - I could not disagree with this more.  If you are in a relationship and it is important to him, you need to at least have a discussion with him about it and try to come to an agreement.  I would not encourage you to put your foot down and tell him that you're carrying the baby so you get to decide.  I'm guessing that will not go well...

finchfeeder80

I found our yesterday that my insurance doesn't even cover the basic down's/trisomy 13&18 test. And that will run me at a minimum $125 out of pocket. Considering I'm trying to hoard every red cent I can in my HSA for June, since the delivery will probably cost us about $2500 at the least out of pocket, I think we're just going to have to say no to any testing. I'm still waffling a little, but I'm going to quickly run out of time to make the decision anyway. 

mamahawk12

Getting genetic testing doesn't mean you have to love your baby any less based on the results - if that's your main point, I think that's silly. In fact, I think it's the responsible thing to do so you have plenty of time to educate yourselves and prepare for whatever may be coming your way should there be anything wrong. I have been there. First hand. Knowing is better than not knowing.

magono20

My husband and I just left the midwives and we discussed this. She gave us a really good question to think about. She said," if you do the testing, what will you do with that information?" I thought that wa great! Good luck on your decision!

askingforluck

I am thinking I am definitely going to do the blood test to test for any abnormalities. I don't want to or mean to offend anyone but if something were to show up, I honestly don't think I would be able to continue. It kills me inside to think that my child wouldn't be able to do all the things in life that I was/am able to do or to think that they may get made fun of or bullied. I'm having a really hard time sorting this all out in my head so any advice or experience is appreciated! I'm young and this is my first, so of course I am freaking out about everything!

Again, I really don't mean to offend anyone by saying this. Does anyone feel the same way?

finchfeeder80

@askingforluck I honestly don't know what I'd do with a worse case scenario. I'd like to say that I was a good, kind, and patient enough person to take whatever life throws at me, but I'm not sure that I am.  

ohiodoxiemama08

I agree with what everyone else has sad. It's a personal decision. But it does help you to be informed.

My husband and I chose to have an optional ultrasound and blood work at 12 weeks with our last pregnancy to check for genetic abnormalities. I have always worked with kids with special needs, including genetic abnormalities. I know that it can be challenging but I also know I would love any child unconditionally. My husband hasn't had a lot of exposure to special needs. He said that while he would love any child we are blessed with he would appreciate having time to process the news and mentally prepare for dealing with a child that required more care. We iust had a discussion today and we plan to do the same testing this time around.

kimmarie1105

finchfeeder80 said:

@askingforluck I honestly don't know what I'd do with a worse case scenario. I'd like to say that I was a good, kind, and patient enough person to take whatever life throws at me, but I'm not sure that I am.  

Making a difficult decision like this does not make someone not good kind or patient.

Kiki119

My DH and I went back and forth on it... We decided against it

Based on our age and family genetic history, we should consider in the safe zone. Even if we did the test and found out there was something wrong, we will not terminate the pregency (it's too late anyway) and we will love him/her regardless

What the ob told me that these tests r testing the chance of any abnormalities and it is not 100% guaranteed results.... So we r just gonna hope for a normal healthy baby... And will stick it out if we find out otherwise when he/she comes

a5swanson

@budders12 GREAT insight.

It's nice to hear your angle on the topic as as special educator.

edits because I hit save to early!

Amandapandacakesshostra

Update:

We decided to go forward with the basic screening for genetic testing (downs, cystic fibrosis, fragile x and SMA). With this blood test they can also test the DNA for the sex of the baby. We also decided to do that too. It does cost extra because it is not covered by insurance. I believe it is $150. I was very hesistant about testing the sex this early so I asked the NP how accurate it really is. She says it is more accurate than the ultrasound because it goes through your blood to check for chromosomes in the babies DNA. We are both very excited to find out

I was wondering if anyone else has done the blood testing for the sex and how long it took you to find out the results?

Thanks for all your advice and support!