2 yr old with pacifier and potty training

littlemurphy2912

Looking for some honest advice on these two topics for my 2 year old DD. She only sleeps with a pacifier at home at nap time and bed time. At daycare (attends full-time) she didn't use one for the longest time but the week of Halloween started using it because she was just crying and not happy for the whole week. Her teachers tell me that she uses it now to nap at school. I was a thumb sucker most of my life till I had to mentally tell myself I had to stop and I also had to get braces when I was in 8th grade. I give her pep talks and tell her that big girls don't use pacifiers and only babies and just trying to prepare her to not want it. Also she doesn't have any interest in potty training as far as it goes with introducing it to her. She has told me and DH when she has peed or pooped but when we say lets go on the potty she will not want to do it. I have not tried letting her go commando with no diaper on and see how she does or to ask her every 30 minutes or so to go to the bathroom to try. I may try and do that. Her pediatrician told me and DH that most girls are potty trained between 2-2.5 years old. She told us to go out and buy some underwear, let her go commando for 3 days, remind her/take her to the bathroom to use the potty every 30 minutes and that should do the trick. I know many other moms have told me to not push her to do it if she's not ready because that's the worse thing you can do. She has only gone potty once at school on the potty but hasn't gone anymore since then. They asked me to transition her to pull ups but a teacher she had months ago told me to not bother with pull ups that diapers are just fine and to not waste my money on pull ups. So I haven't. Is it wrong of me/selfish to want to allow her to do things on her own and learn for herself? DH and I are trying for baby #2 and we think if all else fails we will try and get her to give her pacifier to a sibling whenever we get pregnant. Thanks for taking time to read and respond.

emberlee3

I am from the "potty learning" rather than potty training camp. I used the Montessori method (I'm sure you can google it). DD is almost 2.5 yo and uses the potty with few accidents. Very happy about using the potty and did not require bribes, other than occasionally letting her choose a stamp for her hand when she was grouchy. I kept her in diapers until she was very confident using the potty. She wears a pull-up at night, but she is usually dry.

She uses a paci for sleep. Dentist checked her teeth last week and told me there is no reason she has to stop. She talks a lot about how pacis are for babies, but she is not ready to give it up. Fine with me.

Your pedi sounds a little too pushy. Mine wrote "relaxed potty training" on her note for us at 2 year check up. Not saying I would change pedis, but I wouldn't necessarily follow his/her parenting advice.

littlemurphy2912

Thank you @emberlee3 for responding! Yeah I feel like my pedi might be a bit pushy which I know at times that can be a good thing but overall I don't think it's the best. I'm glad I am not the only one in the same boat with the paci situation. My DD hasn't been to a dentist yet but we will be taking her to one after the new year. Thanks again for helping me feel better about how we are deciding to deal with this.

dns05

If it makes you feel any better, my daughter is 2 1/2 years old and still not potty trained.  I tried for three days--even let her walk around commando, but all she did was try and hold it in.  She'd leak on the floor because her bladder would be so full.  But, if I put her on the potty, she wouldn't go.  She had no qualms about sitting on it, but she wouldn't actually pee in it.  As soon as I put her in a pull up or diaper for nap, she'd empty her bladder.  I chalked it up to her just not being ready.  Her pedi told me at her two year appointment the average age for girls to start potty training is 2 1/2. Obviously, some learn earlier, and some learn later.  I'm not going to push her.  

As for paci, my daughter would only use one specific one.  It was a Wubbanub and she loved it. She refused every other pacifier, even if it looked exactly the same.  About a month or so ago, the nipple broke in half. It was no longer usable.  I explained it was broken and that was it.  Cold turkey.  I was dreading getting rid of the paci, but she did amazingly well.  I was shocked.  But, I think it helped that she was a little bit older and could understand it was broken.  I've always sort of let her lead the way with things like this.  She used a bottle until she was 18 months old.  One day, she decided she was done.  Granted, she refused to drink milk out of anything but a bottle, so I was ok with her using one longer than the average child.  And, it was only one a day.  Letting her help decide when to let go of things or learn something new has made it easier on me.  There's no fighting or tears about it. Do what's right for you and your child.  Don't worry about other people.  You're doing fine. :-)

ashiscute

I would provably ditch the paci myself but neither of mine took one so it's easy for me to say. But I think at 2 she is old enough to go without it.

As for potty training I think your pedi is being a little pushy. I agree that I'd buy her underwear and let her wear them around and get used to what they feel like. I'd also offer her to use the potty before baths and whatnot but don't push it. If she's not ready why force it?

hilsy85

No advice re PT, but about the pacifier--my DS still uses one at 2, and our dentist said they don't worry about it affecting teeth/jaw shape until around 3//3.5. So I plan on waiting to paci wean,s ince I'm afraid he'll never nap without it!

dunlapbriggs

I'm in similar situations as you on both counts. DS used a paci for sleeping and in the car. Last week we "gave" his car paci to the babies at daycare and haven't looked back. He yelled at me for a day or two but I reminded him that he didn't need it and that the babies did (I did get it back and hid it in my glove box just in case). 

As far as the potty goes: we also "potty learn". The word training just doesn't seem right to me. I bought one of each kind of potty (stand alone and big potty insert) and would let him go commando and put him on the potty until our timing synced up and he finally went. 

Since then - if I can get him to sit down, he will go - but still freely uses a diaper. While at home he wears undies - and he has accidents sometimes, but at least he knows whats going on down there. We tried undies for a week at daycare and he had one accident every day. I know that when he WANTS to only go in the potty, he will - I can't force him. 

littlemurphy2912

Thank you everyone for your advice. @dns05 I am waiting to see if by chance her paci comes apart on its own or breaks and then I will tell her there is no more paci's. Not sure if that day will come but if it doesn't then we will just do what we feel is best. As far as the potty goes for my DD, we have introduced it by putting her on our potty or putting her on her training potty and having her sit there for a little while and try to go to the bathroom. All she wants to do is "toot" (what we call when she passes gas) and get toilet paper, wipe, and then flush the potty. She doesn't like sitting on the potty very long and may here and there have some pee that trickles out but then she stops because she just doesn't like it. DH and I have caught her trying to poop in her diaper and we will say lets go use the potty and put her on it and she stops pushing and won't poop. She has told us many times "I want to use the potty" and we will undress her as quickly as we can and get her diaper off and put her on the potty and have realized when she says that she has already gone in her diaper and she will look at her wet bottom and say "I went!" I know there are certain times at school where they have everyone in her classroom try and use the potty and they say she tries but doesn't do anything and doesn't like sitting on the potty for that long.

emberlee3

One thing that really motivated DD to sit on the potty longer was to keep a few short books in the bathroom. We used to read a book or two every time. Now I only read her a book if she seems to need a little help relaxing enough to go. They really need to develop the habit of sitting on the potty before they can relax and go voluntarily.

littlemurphy2912

Never thought of that. Good idea and thanks for the tip!