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Foster Adoption Shower
I'd like some input on a party I plan on throwing for some close friends. They have struggled with infertility for a few years, and it's unlikely they will be able to have biological children. As such, they have decided that for them, foster adoption will be the best way to create their family.
I've seen some pretty strong reactions when people suggest "showers" for foster parents, but I thought I'd get input here. Any advice from adoptive or foster parents would be especially helpful.
Our friends are expecting their first placement to be 1-2 children, between 0-8. It's a huge age gap, and obviously there is some uncertainty that goes with fostering, BUT, myself and other friends would still like to celebrate this next step in their journey to becoming parents.
To be absolutely clear, the children being placed with them are likely to have had parental rights already terminated. (Their agency strives to place children that are highly unlikely to be returned to their parents with foster families that are hoping to adopt as soon as possible. This is NOT a 3 week stay type situation.) We also don't want to throw a party once the child is placed because we want them to have that together time. More than that, I want this party to be a celebration of them as new parents and all they've been through this far, not geared specifically to one child (I plan on doing this once, not for every placement).
My idea is to throw an "Initiation to Parenthood" if you will, with some games, a co-ed BBQ, and yes, gifts if people wish. This is not a gift grab. I feel it is appropriate to celebrate our friends embarking on their path to parenthood, and I see no harm in letting close family and friends familiar with the situation "shower" them with books and games that are more family-oriented and cover a wider age range, especially because they could likely have siblings of multiple ages. It's not baby gear, but for their situation, I feel it's still items they could use (and reuse for subsequent children).
I plan on throwing a bigger adoption party when their paperwork is signed, but that could be a year or more away. At that point they'll likely have all they need, and it'll just be a regular party to officially welcome their kids to the family, so I'm using this opportunity to show our friends we're just as excited for this chapter in their lives as we would be for a biological child (and for those that have witnessed their struggle, we honestly are more so.)
That said, does anyone have ideas on games or elements to include? Have you been to a similar event? Any input would be helpful!
I've seen some pretty strong reactions when people suggest "showers" for foster parents, but I thought I'd get input here. Any advice from adoptive or foster parents would be especially helpful.
Our friends are expecting their first placement to be 1-2 children, between 0-8. It's a huge age gap, and obviously there is some uncertainty that goes with fostering, BUT, myself and other friends would still like to celebrate this next step in their journey to becoming parents.
To be absolutely clear, the children being placed with them are likely to have had parental rights already terminated. (Their agency strives to place children that are highly unlikely to be returned to their parents with foster families that are hoping to adopt as soon as possible. This is NOT a 3 week stay type situation.) We also don't want to throw a party once the child is placed because we want them to have that together time. More than that, I want this party to be a celebration of them as new parents and all they've been through this far, not geared specifically to one child (I plan on doing this once, not for every placement).
My idea is to throw an "Initiation to Parenthood" if you will, with some games, a co-ed BBQ, and yes, gifts if people wish. This is not a gift grab. I feel it is appropriate to celebrate our friends embarking on their path to parenthood, and I see no harm in letting close family and friends familiar with the situation "shower" them with books and games that are more family-oriented and cover a wider age range, especially because they could likely have siblings of multiple ages. It's not baby gear, but for their situation, I feel it's still items they could use (and reuse for subsequent children).
I plan on throwing a bigger adoption party when their paperwork is signed, but that could be a year or more away. At that point they'll likely have all they need, and it'll just be a regular party to officially welcome their kids to the family, so I'm using this opportunity to show our friends we're just as excited for this chapter in their lives as we would be for a biological child (and for those that have witnessed their struggle, we honestly are more so.)
That said, does anyone have ideas on games or elements to include? Have you been to a similar event? Any input would be helpful!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Foster Adoption Shower
We just had our first foster placement back in July and family decided to throw a shower after placement. Our fd was only three weeks old, so it wasn't overwhelming for her to be bombarded with people...and I did have a plan for DH to come get her if it got to be too much for her.
I'm happy we waited and had items that were appropriate for her age. I can see both sides of it with older children...they may be overwhelmed with a party or they made find it very welcoming to have this celebration in honor of them.
Every child is different,which makes it near impossible to know what's best without knowing them.
Good luck and I love that you want to do this for them!!
We've decided to stick with a pre-placement, pre-adoption party. Our goal is to make this parent-centric. While we don't have an individual child to celebrate, we want to celebrate with them as they take that first step into caring for children. I think for me, baby showers are more about the anticipation of becoming a parent as opposed to the actual new baby. As some pointed out, the foster/adoption transition is hard on the children, so we'd like to do this before placement. Not just to avoid making the kids uncomfortable, but because this seems like the safest route in case kids are reunited with family - celebrate the parents' journey and not the individual child.
Eventually there will be a big party after adoption is finalized which will occur after their waiting period (even if the parental rights have been terminated when the kids arrive, it'll be 6 months before they will allow adoption proceedings to allow the placement agency time to judge the fit). We figure at that point the kids will have met most of the family and friends, and that party will be planned with the child's input if their older.
For me, this party is about capturing that excitement and anticipation before placement and celebrating what they've been through thus far. We're going to suggest folks stick to a variety of gifts if they ask what to bring - games, books, gift cards, etc. A coworker also suggested someone put together a kiddie first aide pack - all the children's formulations of common medicines and such. I know a lot of us plan on gifting items after the children's arrival too.
For fun details....the foster/adoption mom to be LOVES giraffes, so I'm going to do a jungle theme. Since we don't know ages and genders, it's more about her. We're keeping it a fairly mature look for decor and such, since it's not actually a "baby" shower. Essentially spinning everything off of what we're putting on the invitations: "Things are about to get wild around here! Please join us as we celebrate the next step in Mr. and Mrs. journey to parenthood!"
Let me know what you all think!
Meghan and Jonny- Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - May 1, 2010
One thought I had was when they know who they would be bringing in the home they have the shower and get the children to give them ideas like clothing sizes, favorite colors, toys they may want, school supplies they need, and MEMBERSHIPS! (a family group providing a children's museum or zoo membership would be cool right!)
Then one activity I was thinking would be great it have each member of your family and friends come to the party write a letter to the child and have their picture taken or bring a photo. Then everyone creates a scrap book to give the child. This gets the child familiar with friends and family without being overwhelmed the first week.
just my thoughts
NTNP 1/2013
SA Results: nothing to count...
MFI RE 2/14/2014 Rx Clomid
TTC 4/26/2014
6/25/2014 DH Low T 132 Switched to Chorionic Gonadotropin hCG injections 2x wk
7/15/2014 DH Testosterone check 607!
8/15/2014 DH new SA 1 MILLION!!!!!!
11/20/2014 DH new SA 2 Million
DH continues treatment while moving towards Foster to Adopt