One year out...

Esquette

Howdy folks!  I have been following this board for at least a year now, possibly longer.  I've always felt like I needed to stick to the sidelines, because we aren't actively TTC or parenting.  But I have  seen how lovely and supportive everybody here is, and I thought it might be okay if I introduce myself and ask my silly little question.

My sweetie and I have been together for 7.5 years, living together for 5.5 years, and just got married in September.  We are both 27.  I teach high school special education, and Sweetie is working on a PHD in Biochemistry. We have two fluffy cats who currently hate each other, and we love board games, science fiction and watching junky TV.   We have talked for years about being parents and since the wedding, I have baby fever in a big way.  Our plan was to wait a year, then start TTC (using my oven) next fall.  Sometimes (like today) this sounds like an impossibly long time to me.  Earlier this year, I had a basketball-sized tumor (non-cancerous, thank god) removed, along with the ovary and fallopian tube it was attached to.  Secretly, I'm afraid that I'm going to get another one, and they'll take my other ovary too. (I know that wouldn't eliminate my options for pregnancy, but it would sure complicate things.)  

So, I guess, my question is: if you could go back and talk to yourself one year before you started your TTC journey.... What would you say?  What would you recommend doing to get ready for the journey?  We are going to DisneyWorld in January, saving money, paying down our loans and living our lives.  What else could we (or just me, really, as she's a bit busy....) be doing?

Thanks for being AMAZING.   

Amber&Reva

A year out I started saving and paying down debt.  I found all the information I could and tried to get comfortable with the process.  By doing research I also tried to give myself realistic expectations I knew that TTC took time for some people a lot of time so I budgeted assuming it would take us 10-15 tries.  Also start getting familiar with your body and your cycle now.  Don't wait until you start to TTC to temp.  and start taking Pre-natal vitamins. 

Also continue to live and enjoy your life now and get anything you have been wanting to do that would be difficult to do with a little one out of the way now. 

Welcome and goodluck!

mrs&mrsk

I would for sure go to Disney first. We went in august and I was 3 mo pregnant and it kind of sucked lol
I would have told myself hey this might happen on the first try so get ready fast!

2MamazInSeattle

A year out, I'd go back and tell myself not to wait a year!!! Granted, I am old, but first appointment to baby was 27 months. Our plan was IUI, but both my tubes ended up being blocked and had to be removed, forcing IVF. And then, due to age I had to use an egg donor. Then there was the miscarriage in my second tri. No one thinks they'll be "that person" but sadly many, many of is here are loss moms...which aside from the obvious emotional pain, logistically adds time to the process. While it can happen fast, it sure didn't for me. My two cents!

ball.and.chain

1. Like PP said, start taking prenatal vitamins.  It's ideal for the folic acid etc to be built up in your system for at least several months before you conceive, so you might as well start now (they are good for you, too)!

2. Read and research.  I read The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by Pepper, The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth by Brill, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  TCOYF is amazing for understanding how your body/fertility really works.  Even if you use an RE to conceive down the road, it's helpful to know what's going on in there.  And if you do at-home insemination or unmonitored IUIs, it will be essential.

3. In connection with reading TCOYF, try temping and charting your cycles.  You don't need to start now and may get frustrated doing it for a full year without actually being TTC, but 3-6m of data could be really helpful.

4. Research fertility clinics and REs (reproductive endocrinologists) if you choose to go that route.  In most urban areas, there are several options for clinics.  You want one that is close to your house and/or job as every cycle includes several early-morning monitoring appointments.  Success rates are important too (SART.org tracks IVF stats, not sure that anyone tracks IUI successes), as well as bedside manner/your general comfort level with them.  Note that REs can monitor your ovaries and see which side you are ovulating on, so if you have only one tube they can cancel any cycle on which you are ovulating on that side.  That might increase your odds and save you some $.

5. Get healthy, pay stuff off, save money, and do the things you can't do while pregnant or with kids.

6. Feel free to hang around here and ask questions!  You're welcome to participate even if you aren't actively TTC.  We used to explicitly include PCP (pre-conception planning) folks in the TTC group.

7. As others have said, be prepared for anything: you could conceive on the first try (unlikely but certainly happens!) or it could take you years and unexpected bumps (no pun intended) in the road.  See my signature for details, but it took 3 years from first IUI cycle to birth of my son.  That include 9 IUIs, IVF with 3 embryo transfers, 2 miscarriages, a few breaks, a hysteroscopy, testing, depression, psychotherapy...you get the picture.  Note that I was at my healthiest weight and 33 years old with no known issues when I started, so we expected it would not be a hard road.

Welcome and good luck!

Twochickshavinachick

Hello and Welcome :-h you'll find this board to be a great source of inspiration and support, whatever stage of the journey you are at (I know we have)  And don't hesitate to ask questions.

In the year before TTC (and well done, for taking the time to gear up for it) We would say pretty much the same as pp have:

1) pay off as much of any outstanding debts as possible (prioritising that over savings - believe me, the interest rate on credit isn't worth a few extra pennies in the bank)  When we first started, we picked up a book called 'How to afford time off with your baby' by Becky Goddard-Hill.  It's actually geared towards affording being a stay at home parent but it gives plenty of great advice on saving money that can be applied to pre-conception too.  Living off a reduced budget not only helps you by paying off the largest possible chunk of debt but can help to build up savings rapidly and get you into the right financial habits for living as a family of three.

2) Read and research.  prior to TTC, I read Pepper's 'Ultimate guide' cover to cover a fair few times and that really helped us to talk about what we expected/planned/hoped for in the first steps of our journey.  It also helps to find boards such as this (as well as blogs) to get a better understanding of the process from the perspective of those who have/are going through TTC.

Esquette

Ooooh.  Can anybody recommend their favorite TTC blogs? Especially of the "no sperm 'round here" variety?  Or their favorite baby research blogs?  I've already poked all over Lucie's List and little bit around Pregnant Chicken, but I'm sure there are oodles more!

2momsinCA

Welcome! I'm also a sp ed teacher, as is my wife. One year out we started to work out our TTC budget (sperm and RE appts and meds are expensive!) I also started charting my cycles, checking my cm and doing basal body temping to figure out when/if I was ovulating about 9 months out. When I figured out that my cycles were too short I knew we had to go straight to the RE. Also had I known it was going to be a bit difficult to conceive (I totally over estimated my fertility) I would have made that first RE appt and started trying sooner.

Good luck!!

StacyLH24

Welcome!  I also would recommend The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians.  I started reading that about 6 months before our first RE appointment.  It gave us a lot to discuss and helped us navigate making the initial decisions - mainly whether we wanted to use someone we know as opposed to a sperm bank.  We settled on the sperm bank route after a lot of discussion and consideration. 

I would agree with PPs about paying off debt - if you can.  Our financial situation, debt wise, will remain the same for a minimum of 4 more years.  When we began discussing TTC, we did discuss waiting until some things were paid off, but decided that we didn't want to wait that long.  You'll figure it out as you go. 

It would be a good idea to check on your insurance coverage for a RE so that you have an idea if anything is covered or not.  Then you can get a more accurate idea as to how much TTC will cost you.  If you are not going to try at home, go directly to a RE, not an OB/GYN.  They usually are not as knowledgeable and will not monitor you correctly with fertility medications.  It is very important to have proper monitoring. 

Once you start TTC, don't stop living your life.  I did initially.  I wouldn't make plans into the future because "what if I'm pregnant?".  Well, that what if hasn't happened yet.  Hopefully it won't take you long, but if it does, then you could miss out on some great life events and opportunities. 

Good luck and never hesitate to jump in here!