Feeling like a single mother

smmarco85

Am I the only one that is getting no help from their hubby? I am 18 weeks with baby number 2. Our son is almost 16 months and wild and crazy like any 15 month old little boy is. I have been working close to 60 hours a week since March. I get up everyday, get my self and Jacoby ready, take him to day care, then work from 8-545 and pick Jacoby up from daycare. Do any running I may need to do, go home, make dinner, play for a bit, then bathtime, story and bed time. Then let the dinner cleanup commence. Picking up toys, throwing in some laundry or whatever. Don't get me wrong my hubby works long hours too, but whoopee. All he has to do is worry about himself. He gets up, showers, watches tv, packs a lunch. works, comes home watches tv and goes to bed. Then he has the audacity to say "I wish you could be me for just one day and then maybe you would understand." I am just exhausted and have so many months left of this pregnancy.  Sorry if this became a rant I am just so frustrated and feel so alone.

ashiscute

Yikes. Like PP said this will get much worse when a new baby enters the picture. You really need to have a serious talk with YH and figure how to make things more fair. My DH is as involved in caring for our children as I am while we're both home. We are both parents, home-owners, etc. Its not up to one person.

taahira

Have you tried speaking with him. Communication is the key right now. I'm also almost 18 weeks. With 2 teenage girls and demanding schedules, a full time job etc. I just check in with my DH on a Sunday night, we go through what's going on that week, where I need help so I don't burn myself out. He understands I can't do everything, and picks up in areas I ask him to. Try talking to your DH about splitting some of your chores up, fitting in some down time for both of you.

Unknown

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PrimRoseMama

So speak up. Either that or stop having children with the selfish asshat.

Weezy56

What does he say when you try to talk to him about this? You guys need to come to an agreement on who is doing what each day.

If he's still not getting it, I like the suggestion to stop doing what you are doing. Make enough dinner for only you and LO, only clean up your plates, and don't pick up toys. Definitely don't do his laundry.

DH and I both work regular shifts, and here is what we came up with- Me: drop off and pick up from daycare, wash bottles, get breastmilk ready for the next day, and nursing. I love to cook so I make all meals on Sunday to freeze. DH: takes dogs out in the a.m., takes them out when he gets home, feeds them, cleans up dinner, and gives LO his bath. After all this it gives us the rest of the evening to relax together as a family.

candlequeen

I had my first two children with a man like that and we are divorced now. I hope this does not happen to you, of course there were other issues with my Ex, but if he hasn't helped you with kid#1 then he won't help with #2 either.

allrightmeow

smmarco85 said:

Am I the only one that is getting no help from their hubby? I am 18 weeks with baby number 2. Our son is almost 16 months and wild and crazy like any 15 month old little boy is. I have been working close to 60 hours a week since March. I get up everyday, get my self and Jacoby ready, take him to day care, then work from 8-545 and pick Jacoby up from daycare. Do any running I may need to do, go home, make dinner, play for a bit, then bathtime, story and bed time. Then let the dinner cleanup commence. Picking up toys, throwing in some laundry or whatever. Don't get me wrong my hubby works long hours too, but whoopee. All he has to do is worry about himself. He gets up, showers, watches tv, packs a lunch. works, comes home watches tv and goes to bed. Then he has the audacity to say "I wish you could be me for just one day and then maybe you would understand." I am just exhausted and have so many months left of this pregnancy.  Sorry if this became a rant I am just so frustrated and feel so alone.

JIC.  Your husband sounds like a dick.  This situation is not going to fix it self, in fact it will only get worse once your LO is born. You need to sit him down and have a serious honest conversation with him. 

StacyJYay

Have you spoken with him about the uneven distribution of child care/household tasks?  If you have and he still hasn't changed his behavior, then I'd suggest a marriage counselor.  If you haven't raised this issue yet, please do so.  Adding another child to the mix without his "help" (when men do their share, somehow it's often referred to as help, which irks me!), will be a ton more responsibility for you.  You're NOT off-base for thinking he should be pulling his own weight.

ordinary1

Was he like this before you became pregnant again?

32elyse

Are you giving him the silent treatment? Do you ask for help? If you do everything all the time and don't ask for help what do you expect?
After dinner each night my husband gets our kids ready for bed. I stay down stairs and do my own thing. I don't offer to help because I'm so use to this routine. I'm sure if he needs help he will ask I'm not a mind reader.