38 weeks and doubts are creeping in

carafern

Hello all! I've lurked on the board and posted on a few threads and now I'm hoping for a little encouragement, words of wisdom.

When I got my BFP, I did an insane amount of research and decided pretty quickly that an un-medicated NB was what I want. I hired a doula, have a great midwife practice that I trust and a nb-friendly hospital, I've been doing a lot of prenatal yoga and practicing visualization and relaxation (but didn't get a chance to take a Hypnobirthing or Bradley class). Now that its getting close, I'm beginning to have doubts. I think these have been triggered by the birth stories on my BMB. All of those women (or almost all) get to the part where they describe getting their epidurals as the best thing ever. They often describe the pain in really horrible terms. I don't have any friends IRL who have had a med-free birth.

All along I've said that I am preparing for an NB but I will remain flexible for what comes….that is still the plan but the doubts that I wont be able to handle it are doing a number on my confidence. 

majoraimers

Your body was made for this. The pain is dull and constant but not sharp and acute. The work you're doing to prepare is wonderful. Think of it this way you will miss the best part with and epidural, the slither of the baby fully coming out and the sensation of getting your body back! Worth it, if you ask me.

You're a strong woman you can birth naturally as so many women have.

painttheair14

I recommend only reading positive birth stories now that you are so close.

You can totally do it! Other people write about the pain that way because that's what they've been taught. You have a different perspective.

Amber6486

Read either of the books by Ina May... Really positive and empowering nb birth stories!!

sschwege

First of all everyone feels this way, even women who have done it before!  So what you are feeling is totally normal! 

Couple of suggestions for you, check out "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" the first half has the most beautiful birth stories, truly inspiring.  Whenever I felt that doubt creeping in, I would read a story or two.  Another thing you might try is watching some Hypnobirthing videos on Youtube.  I tend to shy away from childbirth videos because they seem more scary than anything, but I always found the Hypno videos to be very calm and encouraging.  I know you didn't take a class, but I still think most people would find them inspirational. 

I know this is just my experience, but I really didn't think it was that bad.  It's challenging to be sure, but I never got to the point where I considered asking for an epi and I don't consider myself to have a super high pain tolerance or anything.  You have done all the planning and work, now you just have to stay focused on your baby's birth day.  You can do it mama, you are going to have a beautiful birth!

carafern

Thanks for all the encouragement! I have Ina May's book that I read several months ago. I think I skipped a bunch of the birth stories then because I wanted to get to what I thought was the main part of the book. Such a great suggestion to go back and read the birth stories now.

Its funny DH said some of the same things you all are saying but I think I needed to hear it from women. Thanks again.

crystangel

I second only reading the good birth stories. I stopped reading all the stories on my BMB when I got close as most had some type of medical intervention. Just keep reminding yourself that you can do it and why you are choosing this path. Good luck mama!!

soulcupcake

crystangel said:

I second only reading the good birth stories. I stopped reading all the stories on my BMB when I got close as most had some type of medical intervention. Just keep reminding yourself that you can do it and why you are choosing this path. Good luck mama!!

This is key, OP. The way a labor/birth is managed can greatly affect the level of discomfort and outcome. Since most labors are managed with a lot of interventions, many of which can be counterproductive to the natural, physiological process of labor, I wouldn't use these stories as any sort of "rule" for what it's like. Malpositioning of the baby, poor positioning of the mother, lack of mobility, uterine stimulants, AROM (eliminates the cushion the membranes provide that lessen the force/pain of contractions), fear-tension-pain cycle (stress), can all negatively affect the process and create painful or "horrible" labors, as we know in American birth culture.

Focus on normal, physiological births that are very low on interventions. That isn't to say childbirth is cake for all med-free birthers. It is laborious; it's work in the same way professional athletes "work" when they train really hard. But it doesn't have to be this awful, excruciating experience that we're often told it is. A lot of it is mental. The fear of it can worsen the experience and cause more stress and discomfort.

SkateyC

Another thing to keep in mind is that a bit of nervousness is totally normal, and isn't necessarily a bad sign - often it means you're being thoughtful and preparing, and helps you to focus on the resources you have within you to do this. Don't take it as a bad sign.

And agree to staying away from negative birth stories. So many people go into birth having heard their whole lives nothing except how terrible it is, and so that's what they expect it to feel like. People loooove to tell pregnant women horror stories about labour, it's like a weird bragging right in our culture. Stick to birth stories that are positive & remind you of how strong you are.

ruemorgan

Noo you can do it!!! My sister had gotten am epidural for her first three births and for her 4th she went med free. She said that yes, the pain was unbelievable as always, but the recovery has been amazing and she could even see the change in a medicated baby versus an alert unmedicated baby.Remember all the reasons you want it! We are rooting for you!!

CLLDLL

I really strongly believe that 90% of being successful at NB is mental.  The rest is luck/karma/nature/God whatever you believe not giving a medical situation that needs intervention. 

I really think our minds get us all freaked out right before labor so that when it actually happens we're pleasantly surprised that it isn't as bad as our mind had us expecting.  Just make sure you remind yourself everyday that your body was meant to do this, and you totally can.  Maybe write out a list of all the pain management tricks you've come across during your research.  That will do two things, 1.) Make you feel like you are in control again 2.) Give you a cheat sheet for those times during labor when you feel like you can't take it.  

Finally remember why you chose NB.  Likely it was because you felt it was the best decision for you and baby to have a healthy outcome.  When you go into labor, just keep that in mind.  If something happens where you feel an epidural is now the best option for you and baby, that's ok.  You're still doing what you started out trying to do.  It just took a turn in a direction you didn't expect.  

Good luck mama!

MommyAtty

Everyone is nervous. It's okay. Frankly, having done this twice now without drugs, I still believe labor is less painful than a bad migraine. And you get a baby when it's over!

KateLouise

I agree that it's not the worst pain I've ever felt. Have you ever been woken up in the middle of the night with cramp in your calf? I would do labour 10 times over before I would choose on of those calf cramps.

It's pain with a purpose. You get a break between each one (generally speaking) and when it gets really unbearable, you're nearly at the end.

Best wishes for your upcoming birth!

kfo22

KateLouise said:

I agree that it's not the worst pain I've ever felt. Have you ever been woken up in the middle of the night with cramp in your calf? I would do labour 10 times over before I would choose on of those calf cramps.

It's pain with a purpose. You get a break between each one (generally speaking) and when it gets really unbearable, you're nearly at the end.

Best wishes for your upcoming birth!

I'm surprised that this comparison has come up several times! Those pains haunted me as a kid, and into my teenage years. Knowing that I've felt that makes me more confident that labor will be manageable

Thanks for all the encouragement !!

sschwege

WildFlower810 said:

Thank you so much for this thread, @carafern. I'm another N14 mom staring down her EDD in 2 weeks. I'm planning a natural home birth and really agree that a lot of the birth stories we've been reading on our board have been less than helpful for our mental state heading into a med-free labor.

Just hearing that a charlie horse is worse than labor is SO good. I get the worst charlie horses sometimes and the pain from one bad one can last all day. A friend of mine has had 4 babies without pain meds and she said that labor was less painful than broken bones, her hernia surgery, and kidney stones.

To add one more, sciatic nerve pain was worse than labor.  I remember thinking, "If labor feels like this I'm getting the epi!"  Two med-free births later

dnjmommy

I've had two natural births, one in a hospital, and one at a birthing center with a birthing tub. Both very positive, although the birthing tub did make me more comfortable.. The pain is there, but it comes and goes, so you do get relief between contractions. It is not unbearable either. That's something I had to keep telling myself. I broke my arm a few years ago, and I kept thinking about that pain, and that the labor was nothing compared to that pain.

amieeyoung

I think it is simply that each labor is different. I had constant back labor and lasted a long time but ended up with an epi. and  (due to baby distress ended up with c-section) I am hoping for a med free natural vbac this time. I hope all goes well for you and you get the labor you want. It sounds like you have done a lot of research and are in a good place overall as far at desire and attitude. 

I am going to disagree somewhat- focus on positive stories, but do have an idea of what you are comfortable with if things don't go to plan (sometimes it is out of your control) that way it doesn't blind side you. Like I said though, hopefully all goes well and I'm really sending good vibes and well wishes for your natural birth!

carafern

Hello all! Just an update…53 hours of labor, but I achieved a med-free birth last Friday! It was crazy hard but I'm proud of myself and baby Lucy for making it through. Thanks for all of your wisdom and encouragement.

Stephij1

carafern said:

Hello all! Just an update…53 hours of labor, but I achieved a med-free birth last Friday! It was crazy hard but I'm proud of myself and baby Lucy for making it through. Thanks for all of your wisdom and encouragement.

Congratulations!!!