XP: I think the time has come :( (long)

QuigleyCat1

 *DS mentioned

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Hello my beautiful friends. I want to apologize because I've been extremely absent on the boards lately and it's not because I'm too busy or because I don't care.  It's because I've been trying to get up the courage to finally say goodbye.  :,)  This is very hard for me.  TTCAL, TTCAL+6, PgAL, and my month boards have all been a part of me for the past three years and somewhat of a "home" to me.  I don't take saying goodbye lightly.  I have been given courage, strength, love, laughs and most importantly, support from all of you.  I can only hope that I've given a sliver of that back to you all.  There isn't a day that has gone by that I don't stop and remember what you all did for me with the Sunshine Mission.  We all still use things purchased with the gift cards and so forth.  I still look through all of my cards and trinkets from time to time that I keep in a special box along with Liam's hand and footprints.  As you know, he will be remembered for our lifetime.

As for my husband and I...we are okay and settled with the fact of no more TTC.  He knows that if it ever crosses his mind that he has promised to have that conversation.  I think (at least for me) many moms keep that door open if but for the tiniest bit.  I do not expect our minds to change and in fact I am very much alright with continuing our lives just as we are.  In the last several months I've felt myself let go of the expectation.  It no longer rules my life.  It is something that I will never forget yearning for.  It will always be a part of me.  It'll always be my "what if".  But if that's my ONLY "what if", then I think I may be in for a very sad future.  I don't want to be sad forever.  I want to enjoy my little family and all of my friends with no regrets.  I have to!  And what's more is that I WANT to enjoy it!  Just a few weeks ago we adopted a retired racing greyhound.  Her name is Punzie and, along with my DH, DS and Biscuit, has brought me so much joy.  She is not a replacement for anyone or anything, but instead she is a focus for us and a very bright spot in our lives.  I told my husband that I felt the need to rescue something, anything because I couldn't save Liam.  Punzie provided me that opportunity.  She's so sweet and we love her so much.   So our family is complete with humans and non-humans!  And we step forward to what our future holds for us.....

As for those of you who have ever supported me I can never repay you.  Your words and actions have shown me what life is about.  It's about being there for those who are in need.  I promise to pay this forward in whatever ways that I can.  I don't know how to hit the Post Discussion button to finalize these thoughts.    I know that I'll check in from time to time and chime in, but I wanted to say a proper goodbye because this is no longer where I "belong".  I owed it to you all to gather the courage for this post.  I've come so very far from when we lost Liam, and it is largely due to these boards.  So I thank you from the bottom of my heart, EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!  There were even some of you that went above and beyond...you know who you are...and I love you.  Now I'm crying so I think that's my signal to hit the Post Discussion button. 

You are all in my constant prayers for whatever life is holding for you.

Always on my mind, forever in my heart you all will be..........

carlsonbaby2014

Oh Quigley ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))).  You are an amazing woman, wife, mama, friend, and supporter to all of us.  I am glad that you and your H have come to a place where you feel that your family is complete with your sweet son, Biscuit, and Punzie.  Liam will never, ever be forgotten.  So many ((((hugs))))).

BookishMomma

Quigley, this is so beautifully written. Beneath your words I can see your strength shining through, and I'm so happy that you are moving toward a place of peace. Thank you for all you've done for this community. I wish you many more "what ifs" and I'm excited for the new possibilities your journey will surely hold for you.

ToriGirl2014

(((hugs))) dear. Glad you have come to a point of peace with your decision.

Of course, you are always welcome here, but wish you the best in your adventures IRL moving forward.

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RustyGirl3

So many ((((HUGS)))) for you Quigley.  So sad to see you go. 

You are an incredible person and we are always here for you.

BackstreetPixie

@quigleycat1 I know this was a decision not made lightly and I have nothing but love and hugs for you. You are very strong and you are going to be okay. Know that you can come message me any time if you just wanna talk to someone. Lots of love. 

Denise91980

Huge ((hugs)) to you and your H. I can't even imagine how difficult this decision is, but I am glad that you are feeling OK (as much as you can about it) with your decision. Best wishes to your family and we are all here if you need us. ((Hugs))

Courtney1741

((hugs)) So many thoughts and prayers headed your way! I am glad that you have found peace with your decision! I wish you nothing but the best!

LaRomana09

Big (((((HUGS))))) and I'm wishing you all the best moving forward.

KMW08

(((Quigley)))

You're such an inspiring woman. I can only imagine how amazing you must be IRL. I can honestly say I don't think I know anybody who has as much courage and who is as open as you are with everything.

So much happiness, love, best wishes and peace being sent to you and your family.

peggels24

((hugs))

Drgn30

big ((hugs))

luciddreamer106

Big (( hugs )). Wishing you the best. I'm sorry to see you go.

Samuelismomma

Big hugs and sending you great wishes for a wonderful future ...

chicagojackie

Big hugs. Thank you for all the support and love on ttcal and here on pgal. You will be missed!! Take care.

uneek1323

((((hugs))))) my friend. You know how I feel about you and how much I love you and your beautiful family. I know how hard this was for you to post this, but I'm glad for your positive attitude. You are an amazing person, and you can be sure your step away from the boards does not mean I won't stop bugging you and loving on you.   :-*

pblge

I have not previously known you, so thank you for sharing your beautiful and heartbreaking story. I'm so glad you have DS, but I'm sorry that you're having to process a different family size than you wanted. You sound very strong and loving, so I'm sure you'll get there.

We also have a retired racer, so I know exactly how much they steal your heart. We're contemplating getting a second--it's hard to stop at one!

Sending lots of ((hugs)) your way.

TVLily

Sending you lots of ((hugs)) and love Q cat. Wishing you the best on all your life journies. You will be missed but I'm so glad you're at peace.