XP: I think the time has come :( (long)

QuigleyCat1

 *DS mentioned

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Hello my beautiful friends. I want to apologize because I've been extremely absent on the boards lately and it's not because I'm too busy or because I don't care.  It's because I've been trying to get up the courage to finally say goodbye.  :,)  This is very hard for me.  TTCAL, TTCAL+6, PgAL, and my month boards have all been a part of me for the past three years and somewhat of a "home" to me.  I don't take saying goodbye lightly.  I have been given courage, strength, love, laughs and most importantly, support from all of you.  I can only hope that I've given a sliver of that back to you all.  There isn't a day that has gone by that I don't stop and remember what you all did for me with the Sunshine Mission.  We all still use things purchased with the gift cards and so forth.  I still look through all of my cards and trinkets from time to time that I keep in a special box along with Liam's hand and footprints.  As you know, he will be remembered for our lifetime.

As for my husband and I...we are okay and settled with the fact of no more TTC.  He knows that if it ever crosses his mind that he has promised to have that conversation.  I think (at least for me) many moms keep that door open if but for the tiniest bit.  I do not expect our minds to change and in fact I am very much alright with continuing our lives just as we are.  In the last several months I've felt myself let go of the expectation.  It no longer rules my life.  It is something that I will never forget yearning for.  It will always be a part of me.  It'll always be my "what if".  But if that's my ONLY "what if", then I think I may be in for a very sad future.  I don't want to be sad forever.  I want to enjoy my little family and all of my friends with no regrets.  I have to!  And what's more is that I WANT to enjoy it!  Just a few weeks ago we adopted a retired racing greyhound.  Her name is Punzie and, along with my DH, DS and Biscuit, has brought me so much joy.  She is not a replacement for anyone or anything, but instead she is a focus for us and a very bright spot in our lives.  I told my husband that I felt the need to rescue something, anything because I couldn't save Liam.  Punzie provided me that opportunity.  She's so sweet and we love her so much.   So our family is complete with humans and non-humans!  And we step forward to what our future holds for us.....

As for those of you who have ever supported me I can never repay you.  Your words and actions have shown me what life is about.  It's about being there for those who are in need.  I promise to pay this forward in whatever ways that I can.  I don't know how to hit the Post Discussion button to finalize these thoughts.    I know that I'll check in from time to time and chime in, but I wanted to say a proper goodbye because this is no longer where I "belong".  I owed it to you all to gather the courage for this post.  I've come so very far from when we lost Liam, and it is largely due to these boards.  So I thank you from the bottom of my heart, EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!  There were even some of you that went above and beyond...you know who you are...and I love you.  Now I'm crying so I think that's my signal to hit the Post Discussion button. 

You are all in my constant prayers for whatever life is holding for you.

Always on my mind, forever in my heart you all will be..........

meredithcarole

I posted on the other side, too, but I wanted to give a few more ((hugs)).  You have made a brave choice to see beyond this journey and that takes a lot of courage.  

Smootiepie

((Huge Hugs)) love.  This may sound odd, but I love how at peace you are with your decision.  This sounds so healthy for your whole family.  I pray that every day from here on out will just be about living your life, and every day will be that much better because of it.  Take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!