Partners supportive ?

lolly911

Is anyone Eles feeling like their partners aren't supporting them enough? Or is it just my crazy hormones ?. Been really ill with sickness and had to get some injections and drip because of dehydration. And my partner just doesn't get it at all! Seems to think am milking it abit! Men get it easy !!
Anyone Eles feeling abit annoyed at their partners ? L xx

jezebk

I feel the same way. DH thinks I am milking it and exaggerating my symptoms. But that is just how he is. He has a hard time understanding how terrible I feel without seeing a big belly to accompany it. I sometimes get really annoyed however, things have been kind of chaotic lately for us so I have just had to get over it.

blitzy23

Yes, this was an issue at first! When we went to the bookstore to get some pregnancy books, there were a couple of books specifically for men. It was totally accidental that we found these, but he did end up picking up a book called "The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion." It's kinda awesome, and he has been much more understanding since doing some reading of his own. I don't know if your significant other would be interested in this kind of thing, but maybe worth a try?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

MrsPDX

Well as my DH is gone the whole pregnancy for the military...there is absolutely zero support. I would say be happy DH can be here at all, and appreciate what you have. 

rivers714

Aside from texting me to get an abortion, my " partner" hasn't even spoke or seen me since I told him.

Pintobean39

Mine doesn't always "get it" but he has been so supportive. If I want anything all I have to do is ask. I swear I could call him right now and say I want a jelly donut (which I do) and he would leave his patients and go get me one. At my Dr's appt yesterday he spent more time than I did talking to my Dr about what I can and can not do.

Maybe get him a book so he can understand what you are going through.

lysser1218

My boyfriend originally told me get an abortion but after my refusal he has finally excepted it and tries his hardest to understand me. Luckily I haven't been to bad, but once in a while I have to set him straight.

ellab043

DH has been pretty awesome. And weirdly enough now that I am showing more he's been even sweeter. I think maybe the constant reminder right in front of his face helped. Fingers crossed your SO gets better. Also, have you communicated your needs/wants to him? Guys just don't magically know what you need or want unless you speak truthfully about it. 

ramcheer55

My husband is great but he isn't very sympathetic on my symptoms.  He's one of those freaks of nature who has never had a filling or cavity and is always healthy.  He gets 1 sinus infection a year and that's it.  He's never sick, tired or sore.  So....apparently that means I shouldn't be either. I was never sick but I was extremely exhausted.  Every time I complained about being tired/no energy he would say, "I get it you're tired." It's not just being tired though...it's having to go to work and continue living life until the 2nd trimester when I should get more energy.  If I get hungry easier or want a snack he'll make comments about how could I possibly be hungry again.  I don't know? Hm...a small human is growing in me and taking my nutrients.  He's very supportive but it just takes him a little while to realize I'm not just complaining or whining....these are very real problems.

rakle99

It comes and goes. He's trying really hard but sometimes he gets frustrated because he gets very little time for himself right now. I try to give him time for his hobbies when I feel good enough to take care of things, but lately it's been few and far between. He's the best when it comes to cravings though. If I 'need' something, he'll go out even if it's 11pm and get it for me. This past week I was craving hibachi and he took me last night. I'm very lucky.

nurserachel22

He tries... Actually he does a pretty good job. I try to remember that he isn't feeling the symptoms so there is no way he could fully understand. Gotta have sympathy on both sides too.on another note, I feel like as soon as I even look like I'm in "good condition" he's trying to have sex. No. Don't touch!

zbornak123

Mine is and isn't.  He cares about what I'm eating.  He's concerned that I pretty much stopped exercising a couple weeks ago. But on the other hand he didn't understand when I was extremely fearful of getting bad news at my appt.  He was just like "Well, if it happens it happens.  Something went wrong, we'll just try again.  What?"  

He's not one to be super emotional in the first place.  It's part of our balance.  I'm trying not to be too concerned about his support being adequate.  We are in this together as himself and myself.  In my opinion he is being himself, and so am I.

Hope you ladies are all getting the support you need!

lolly911

Thanks for all replys! Yeah it's tough cause it's hard to explaine exactly how you feel somtimes . He is very supportive in ways, like of wanting the baby, and being at every appointment and he cares for me very much. He is just one of these guys that's like ' aw you've just got a wee bit sickness get on with it !' He never gets ill himself so somtimes it's hard for him to understand how ill I feel. Since speaking with nurse in hosp he seems better! I'm hopefully getting out tommrow yiy!!! Thanks for all the posts! Much love L xxx

laur1020

I haven't been married very long, but I've just recently learned that a lot of men are needier than they let on. When I first started feeling really nauseated, exhausted and overall "blah", my hubby just didn't get it. He was more concerned that I wasn't feeling up to doing things he needed help with (he works from home and I am not working right now). I broke down a few times and I finally told him that he should be helping ME right now. I had to tell him "it would be nice for you to ask me how I'm feeling or if you can do anything for me". It was a rough few weeks, but now things are somewhat better. I think some men feel scared once their wife/girlfriend becomes pregnant because they suddenly feel like they're being put on the back burner and someone else is taking the spotlight. But anyway, I can sympathize with you. I know it's not easy. Maybe you need to sit him down and tell him you feel he's being insensitive to your needs right now. I hope it gets better for you!

zbornak123

@laur1020: I had to tell him "it would be nice for you to ask me how I'm feeling or if you can do anything for me". 

Sounds like you did a good job of communicating what you need!  I think too many of us tend to stew over SO's not figuring out that we need a little extra TLC.  At least you took the guess work out and spelled it out. Good job!

edited b/c i messed up the quoting.

lolly911

Thanks I appreciate your post. Am glad things are better for you .
Yeah I think it's a man ego thing sometimes too, they kind of forget what our body is having to do . X @laur1020‌

tache

I agree with the once there is physical evidence (a bump) they get better. I had a major meltdown sunday night because I felt like he wasn't being as supportive as last time. I think that really opened his eyes. All he remembers is the end from last time when I was huge. The beginning was so long ago that he didn't remember that even though I may not look like it I'm pregnant it's hard sometimes. I would suggest calmly telling him (in detail) how you feel and how you need support. Sometimes they just need a reminder and I have found with men - specifics help!

My_Matt

rivers714 said:

Aside from texting me to get an abortion, my " partner" hasn't even spoke or seen me since I told him.

Oh man. That's sad to see. I am sorry that's happening to you.

LeilaD123

My husband is pretty good, for the most part. He already helped a lot around the house but has picked up my slack. I think since he doesn't "see" much change yet, he things I'm exagerrating. He made a comment the other day that he gagged when he heard me throw up. With the comment and look I shot back, I don't think he'll say anything like that again 

stark01938209

Hubby is pretty supportive. He tends to my needs for the most part. He has his moments too though (as we all do). The other day he said I was "just barely pregnant" and was milking it. I then barfed up my entire dinner (not related)... And he spent the rest of the night groveling and being super attentive.

ginger819

My DH started out being really great. He has picked up the slack on housework and was trying to get me anything I wanted or needed. He refuses to make dinner though which is fine since I haven't been feeling like full on dinners anyways (we are currently paying student loans on his culinary school though talk about wasted education). Lately however he has gotten angry and makes "lazy" comments every time we talk. I called him out on it and he said he's worried (which I can understand since it's our first pregnancy) and he thinks I'm making it sound way worse than it is so I don't have to do as much. The next morning as I've got my head over the toilet puking he waits until I'm done to come and ask if I'm ok. Nope clearly I'm over exaggerating. I feel fantastic. I also work full time and the extent of his doing housework is dishes and laundry. So frustrating sometimes.

Ballet80

Actually my DH is dojng better than I thought. The past week he has started doing the laundry, buying groceries( probably bc I quit) and even been making his own dinner. I usually eat crackers or a peanut butter sandwich because my morning sickness likes to hit hard at night. So honestly, besides the whole being sick part, I like being pregnant because my husband is actually helping out. He does make comments about me gaining weight but whatever, like I care at this point. I never thought he would help that much, it's probably because I throw up all the time and he feels bad for me.

sunnysidexup

I think I'll get mine a book about what's going on in my body. While I feel bad for not feeling well enough to keep him physically satisfied, I get pissed when he still tries to feel me up when I feel like a gross pukey blimp and I tell him I'm ready to puke on him. Being massaged would be nice but he won't do that.

dj99

Mine has been great. He's been helping me with the housework, running out for all my cravings, and asks me all the time how I'm feeling.

Can't forget to mention all those mood swings! I'm sorry for the ladies that are not getting the support they need.

scubakate

blitzy23 said:

Yes, this was an issue at first! When we went to the bookstore to get some pregnancy books, there were a couple of books specifically for men. It was totally accidental that we found these, but he did end up picking up a book called "The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion." It's kinda awesome, and he has been much more understanding since doing some reading of his own. I don't know if your significant other would be interested in this kind of thing, but maybe worth a try?

I got my DH that book and it's by his nightstand, he uses it all the time to look stuff up!

gkrenzel

My fiancé decided it would be a great time to try on the chefs hat right when my morning sickness kicked in. I know he isn't meaning harm but nothing smells good at the moment and I wish he would have waited until I started feeling better to start experimenting! Will be nice when the nausea goes away
Other than that has been attempting to help as much as possible with housework, though we're still working on how to fold clothes!

BabyShirah

My fiancé has been very supportive! I think he wanted it more than me!! He looks online at nite about baby stuff and even went and looked at baby books for him to read!! He reminds me every night about taking vitamins and has already thought of names!! He goes to gro store and cooks after he gets off of work! Def couldn't ask for more!! :x

blitzy23

@scubakate‌ - I love that book!

suszbaker

Mine didn't talk to me for three days after I told him. I let him alone because I knew it was hard on him, but my heart was broken the whole time. Once he accepted our situation, he apologized and he has been wonderful since.....still scared, but being supportive for me. Of course we don't live together so he didn't get to deal with me with morning sickness other than over the phone.

Snapdragon750

Dh was not so supportive the first time. He was a little better the second time, and this time he's much better. It's really just because I'm much more outspoken now about how I feel and what I need. In my dh's case it was really just him being oblivious. Acting tired and sighing that I don't feel well doesn't work at all, but a direct "I feel like crap and I'm tired because I'm pregnant with your baby so please do the dishes" gets a "yes dear" every time.

manacita

He's about as useful as tits on a turtle. Except this is our third, and I've realized that he just doesn't get it. Even with the books. He never has and never will. So it is a lot less insulting this go around than it was with our first. He's a really really good dad. That mostly makes up for it.

Nita2603

He has been extremely busy with our business this last little while, so I have been flying solo with the boys, dog, house a lot.
Generally he is very supportive though and tries to pick up the slack - it helps that I have no qualms whatsoever telling him 'you need to help me with xyz because I cannot do it'. He needs clear questions, subtle hints do never work for us. :-)

Nita2603

Oh, and he is definitely better on just doing stuff as I am more visibly pregnant.

While this baby was planned and tried for for a while, he has actually forgotten that I am pregnant now.

As in 'hey, so this year we can totally take the boys skating and such.'

Ummm, I am a crappy skater and can't stop and fall a lot.

'That has never actually kept you from trying.'

Yes, but falling is a shitty idea while pregnant.

'Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that.'

Ok then.

a316b

Mine just works 80-100 hours a week. He's stressed and exhausted from work.

I work 40 hours a week and take care of our house and two toddlers, while growing baby.
I'm stressed and exhausted.

Sometimes I have to take a step back and remind myself he's going through stuff too. As much as I'd like to have a day to myself. Just not a luxury we have at this point in our lives.

HeatherC21

zbornak123 said:

Mine is and isn't.  He cares about what I'm eating.  He's concerned that I pretty much stopped exercising a couple weeks ago. But on the other hand he didn't understand when I was extremely fearful of getting bad news at my appt.  He was just like "Well, if it happens it happens.  Something went wrong, we'll just try again.  What?"  

He's not one to be super emotional in the first place.  It's part of our balance.  I'm trying not to be too concerned about his support being adequate.  We are in this together as himself and myself.  In my opinion he is being himself, and so am I.

Hope you ladies are all getting the support you need!

I swear I could have wrote this exact same thing.

He did just get back from a business trip and brought a little onesie from Alcatraz back and he also touched my bump for the first time. It was definitely a special moment for me to show he is becoming accepting and getting excited maybe

lakingsfan2015

My husband is extremely supportive but he doesn't understand what he can't experience. MS was a huge fight until I told him it is like a constant hangover. He was able to understand and help me better. He gets the exhaustion and the leg cramps because cause those are things he has felt and can understand. Mood swings are another thing he has a hard time understanding. He is very stoic, he doesn't understand why I am so emotional or how to "deal" with flood or mixed emotions.

nicunursetomommy

My DH just doesn't get it. He often tells me "you're not even that pregnant". Are you f-ing kidding me?! I think because I don't have an actual bump yet he thinks my body isn't even changing and my hormones aren't going nuts. I just want to have a ginormous bump already so when I complain about symptoms I can look at him and go "now am I f-ing pregnant enough for you?!" But when he gets a little cold it's the end of the world... Go figure.

emilyanimals15

I think I posted this somewhere else but my DH also has been getting lazy since I've been feeling better. He was going through a list of things for "us" to do this week and I said "who's going to do this stuff- us or me?" To which he responded-"well- you". So I had a talk about how he was home all weekend watching TV while I worked and I can't do everything on my own. I think it sank in. He is usually fairly helpful, just oblivious sometimes.

poteetpartyof3

laur1020 said:

I haven't been married very long, but I've just recently learned that a lot of men are needier than they let on. When I first started feeling really nauseated, exhausted and overall "blah", my hubby just didn't get it. He was more concerned that I wasn't feeling up to doing things he needed help with (he works from home and I am not working right now). I broke down a few times and I finally told him that he should be helping ME right now. I had to tell him "it would be nice for you to ask me how I'm feeling or if you can do anything for me". It was a rough few weeks, but now things are somewhat better. I think some men feel scared once their wife/girlfriend becomes pregnant because they suddenly feel like they're being put on the back burner and someone else is taking the spotlight. But anyway, I can sympathize with you. I know it's not easy. Maybe you need to sit him down and tell him you feel he's being insensitive to your needs right now. I hope it gets better for you!

They need to come to the realization that once the baby gets here both your needs will be put on the back burner. That is the hardest transition I think. My husband is incredibly needy and I think it will be  for him when the majority of my attention is directed at this little crying, eating, pooping machine.