I dread making choices.

AnnaK1985

I guess I had better find something to occupy my mind, because I'm feeling stuck about the decisions I have to make.  I only know my feelings on breastfeeding, but when it comes to names or where it will sleep or anything else like that, I don't want to deal with it.  

thehills1983

Did you mean to post this on your blog?

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

TheOrneryMama said:

You've just hit the second trimester. You are still getting adjusted to actually being pregnant. We just decided on a name a couple of weeks ago and I just hit 3rd tri. As for where the baby sleeps, have a crib in its room and a pack n play or bassinette. Then you'd have the option to keep baby with you in your room or in its own room. My son slept in his own room from the 2nd week home on. My daughter stated in our room for 8 months until she slept through the night so she didn't disturb my son. But again, these aren't things you have to decide today, tomorrow, or a month from now. Just relax.

You must be linked with my husband, because that's pretty much what he said.  But being home alone, and nothing keeping my attention, I get stuck on these things.  

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

TheOrneryMama said:

There's a book that I bought when it came time to make decisions on baby gear and options, it's called Baby 411. There's a chapter for every potential item you may need. Do know that the checklists you may find online about what's needed are largely full of unnecessary stuff. Don't feel like you need every little thing suggested. But it may help to inform you so decisions are easier you. It helped me a lot with my first pregnancy.

I'll have to see if I can send someone out to find it or order it.  I have noticed a lot of people saying they didn't use most of what they were recommended or given.  I've done a little reading, and that really made my mind up on breastfeeding, but I feel lost on everything else.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

TheOrneryMama said:

Do more reading. More knowledge makes it easier to make an informed decision. Try ordering it online, along with a few other pregnancy/child care books. Instead of trying to make a decision, just work on gathering information right now. That should keep you occupied. Make notes about what strikes you or what you feel strongly about.

I'll give it a shot.  Ordering online will probably be faster, anyway.  And no one else knows at this point, even if my husband wants to tell the whole world.

taahira

Where IT will sleep?
You are talking about your baby?

AnnaK1985

taahira said:

Where IT will sleep? You are talking about your baby?

That would be correct.

taahira

Wow ok. :-/

jennypolkadots

If being home is making you stir crazy, you should try to find hobbies and things to occupy yourself. You need stuff to do, we all do. Volunteer, take classes, etc. Don't let pregnancy and babies totally consume your life. I find myself sometimes getting stressed out because I have made pregnancy into a full time job (eating just right, exercising just right, reading all the time, planning for the baby...) when it doesn't have to be that way. You're early enough to just take a few weeks off - don't read or google or talk for hours about these things... just let it sit by the sidelines for a little while and come back to it if it's bothering you.

I also think you should give some of the research over to your husband. Mine has done more of the parenting homework (reading things like "the happiest baby on the block" and "the no cry sleep solution", etc) and I have done more of the pregnancy prep if that makes sense. You're not in it alone. 

For names - we got a copy of the baby name wizard book. I went through it and highlighted all the names I liked. He then went through my choices and circled the ones from those that he liked. That pared it down to a short list and we aren't choosing until we meet the baby as I would be perfectly happy with any of the options. Try to remember that the reason you have several top choices is because they are all good names and would be perfect. 

AnnaK1985

jennypolkadots said:

If being home is making you stir crazy, you should try to find hobbies and things to occupy yourself. You need stuff to do, we all do. Volunteer, take classes, etc. Don't let pregnancy and babies totally consume your life. I find myself sometimes getting stressed out because I have made pregnancy into a full time job (eating just right, exercising just right, reading all the time, planning for the baby...) when it doesn't have to be that way. You're early enough to just take a few weeks off - don't read or google or talk for hours about these things... just let it sit by the sidelines for a little while and come back to it if it's bothering you.

I also think you should give some of the research over to your husband. Mine has done more of the parenting homework (reading things like "the happiest baby on the block" and "the no cry sleep solution", etc) and I have done more of the pregnancy prep if that makes sense. You're not in it alone. 

For names - we got a copy of the baby name wizard book. I went through it and highlighted all the names I liked. He then went through my choices and circled the ones from those that he liked. That pared it down to a short list and we aren't choosing until we meet the baby as I would be perfectly happy with any of the options. Try to remember that the reason you have several top choices is because they are all good names and would be perfect. 

He's been reading too, but he works and brings a lot of that home, and, while he has trouble sleeping, he doesn't seem to get much baby reading done.  I don't even know how we're going to parent or even if we'll agree on anything.  

We haven't even done any reading together.  There's time enough for that to change, but I don't see a lot of it in the future.

ashiscute

I really think you're overestimating how much prep and how many choices you need to make.  I mean the baby will decide where to sleep when you get home from the hospital.  DD slept in a bassinet and then her crib at 12 weeks.  DS slept in his swing until 7 months.  We didn't decide on names till after they were born.  

I would go on amazon and find a couple good books (I like Baby 411 as well) and just learn.  Research childbirth classes.  Forcing yourself to make decisions is overwhelming.  Educating yourself is helpful at relieving the pressure and stress.  

AnnaK1985

ashiscute said:

I really think you're overestimating how much prep and how many choices you need to make.  I mean the baby will decide where to sleep when you get home from the hospital.  DD slept in a bassinet and then her crib at 12 weeks.  DS slept in his swing until 7 months.  We didn't decide on names till after they were born.  

I would go on amazon and find a couple good books (I like Baby 411 as well) and just learn.  Research childbirth classes.  Forcing yourself to make decisions is overwhelming.  Educating yourself is helpful at relieving the pressure and stress.  

The whole situation is overwhelming, and while you're right, I'm adding to it, I just can't go a day without feeling like I've got to decide on this or that.

AnnaK1985

MauiBliss said:

Anna, we made a lot of progress in your other thread, we really did. Deep breaths, honey.

Really, there aren't that many choices to make. If you don't have a name until baby arrives, that's ok. Some people like to meet the baby and decide on a name. Pick a few you both agree on and take those to the hospital. Sleeping arrangements: Get a pack and play. It can go in your room or in the nursery if you're not sure about a crib yet. Other stuff will just sort of happen. Baby 411 is a really great book like others have said. I have pregnancy 411, too.

It's all going to be ok. Did you finish making your blankets you were working on?

I'm trying, and I know we did.  I hate to think I've undone everything, because none of you will be happy with me, and I won't be happy with me.

My husband has already had input on names, sort of, but I haven't even looked.  But he really hasn't brought much up, yet.  All he wants to do, really, is tell people.  He says these choices can wait.

I didn't finish them.  I've lost my orange, I had it in a bag and now I can't find it.  I've balled up some baby yarn, but still haven't made up my mind on whether or not to make it.

AnnaK1985

MauiBliss said:

AnnaK1985 said:

MauiBliss said:

Anna, we made a lot of progress in your other thread, we really did. Deep breaths, honey.

Really, there aren't that many choices to make. If you don't have a name until baby arrives, that's ok. Some people like to meet the baby and decide on a name. Pick a few you both agree on and take those to the hospital. Sleeping arrangements: Get a pack and play. It can go in your room or in the nursery if you're not sure about a crib yet. Other stuff will just sort of happen. Baby 411 is a really great book like others have said. I have pregnancy 411, too.

It's all going to be ok. Did you finish making your blankets you were working on?

I'm trying, and I know we did.  I hate to think I've undone everything, because none of you will be happy with me, and I won't be happy with me.

My husband has already had input on names, sort of, but I haven't even looked.  But he really hasn't brought much up, yet.  All he wants to do, really, is tell people.  He says these choices can wait.

I didn't finish them.  I've lost my orange, I had it in a bag and now I can't find it.  I've balled up some baby yarn, but still haven't made up my mind on whether or not to make it.

Start working on it. It will help take your mind off of things and give you something to do. Just keep taking it one day at a time. You have plenty of time to decide things. All you have to decide today is what to have for lunch and dinner.

I'll try.  I spent an hour looking for my orange, so there's nothing else to work on but a baby blanket.

ashiscute

AnnaK1985 said:

ashiscute said:

I really think you're overestimating how much prep and how many choices you need to make.  I mean the baby will decide where to sleep when you get home from the hospital.  DD slept in a bassinet and then her crib at 12 weeks.  DS slept in his swing until 7 months.  We didn't decide on names till after they were born.  

I would go on amazon and find a couple good books (I like Baby 411 as well) and just learn.  Research childbirth classes.  Forcing yourself to make decisions is overwhelming.  Educating yourself is helpful at relieving the pressure and stress.  

The whole situation is overwhelming, and while you're right, I'm adding to it, I just can't go a day without feeling like I've got to decide on this or that.

Yes it is overwhelming.  Find small things you can decide on and give yourself small victories.  Pick a baby book, find a small lovey, etc.    

Do you practice yoga?  I always feel a million times better when I do.  I have a few yoga DVDs that I use in my living room and I really enjoy it.  

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

ashiscute said:

AnnaK1985 said:

ashiscute said:

I really think you're overestimating how much prep and how many choices you need to make.  I mean the baby will decide where to sleep when you get home from the hospital.  DD slept in a bassinet and then her crib at 12 weeks.  DS slept in his swing until 7 months.  We didn't decide on names till after they were born.  

I would go on amazon and find a couple good books (I like Baby 411 as well) and just learn.  Research childbirth classes.  Forcing yourself to make decisions is overwhelming.  Educating yourself is helpful at relieving the pressure and stress.  

The whole situation is overwhelming, and while you're right, I'm adding to it, I just can't go a day without feeling like I've got to decide on this or that.

Yes it is overwhelming.  Find small things you can decide on and give yourself small victories.  Pick a baby book, find a small lovey, etc.    

Do you practice yoga?  I always feel a million times better when I do.  I have a few yoga DVDs that I use in my living room and I really enjoy it.  

I've never done yoga.

AnnaK1985

TheOrneryMama said:

No one is unhappy with you at all @AnnaK1985‌ . I think you've come a long way, actually. Just remember, baby steps.

I don't want anyone unhappy with me.  I really am trying, but even taking baby steps has pissed me off on occasion.

footprint

Hi @annaK1985 I mostly post on PgAL, well, exclusively post on PgAL, but your post grabbed my attention and I read through your other one and wanted to share a bit with you.

My H and I were NTNP when we found out we were pregnant with our son. I was shocked because i was 34 years old had been sexually active for a really long time and never had a pregnancy and figured something wasn't working right. I was terrified at the idea of being pregnant and of actually having a baby to take care of.

A little less than six months before I got pregnant, I lost my right leg below the knee (hence my screen name, since I only have one footprint). After my son was born, I realized that i might have to adapt how I do things, due to prosthetic problems -- such as going up the stairs on my butt holding a baby or keeping clothes in the living room instead upstairs in his nursery -- but I can get whatever needs to be done, done. Losing my leg shook my confidence a lot -- I have fallen, I still fall, and I will fall again -- but raising my 2 year old into this curious, caring, amazing child has taught me has made me realize that my physical body may be broken, but I can't allow it to define me.  My one-leggedness will teach my son compassion, perseverance, and acceptance of people with different abilities and I am happy for that. For all of the limitations of my disability, there are at least as many benefits for my son.

I know how scary the thought of having a baby was for me, being disabled, but i found my way and I have no doubt you will find your way too.  Currently, I am 25 weeks with my second and feeling good.  I have kicked-ass as a mom, and occasionally have doubts about dealing with two, but I learned through my son that I am fully able to deal with anything that comes up.  Feel free to pm me if you want.

I am not sure if you're in the states, but you should definitely get on the SSI disability.  You might want to speak with an SSI lawyer about filing an appeal on your initial denial.

janda426

Anna you're at the point where you can honestly take a few months off and not have to think about anything except for showing up at your monthly check up. It's actually kinda funny how simple babies necessities really are-when you read people's registries it's mostly a bunch of "stuff" that makes life easier but not a necessity.

When you're ready, and you don't need to be for a little while, check out lucieslist.com where she breaks down the necessities and tells you the best options. No scrolling through websites being overwhelmed at all your options. She tells you what's the best rated. Bam. Done.

As for names? Also totally doesn't need to be discussed right now. Maybe wait til you meet your baby to decide a name that fits them.

I haven't checked back on the other thread but I have to ask- I'm assuming you are keeping the baby from this post?

Whitfry

New babies have three basic needs - eating, sleeping, and pooping. You've already made a decision on the eating part, so that's great! So now you just need to decide on diapers (and that can wait until baby is actually here) and sleeping arrangements (good suggestions regarding this further up the thread).

As long as you're taking care of yourself, most of these decisions can wait. From what most people have said around here, all you really need to have before the baby is a car seat so you can bring them home.

Small steps, mama! You can do this. Find something simple to focus on (like your knitting) and just breathe.

AnnaK1985

What am I supposed to do with a few months "off?"  I can't focus on the few hobbies I have, because everything seems to pop up.  Maybe it's just a crappy week, because I've certainly had one, but what I might need to do keeps nagging at me.  And I've got an eye appointment next week, and that's eating at me, too.

Forget the car seat, we don't even have a car big enough to be considered a family car.

Well my husband is in love with it, so I really can't do that to him, can I?

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

I didn't mean to actually forget the car seat.  

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

It's OK, we all do it.  I just meant that now we've got to add a car that will fit three to the list before we even think of a car seat.  

AnnaK1985

Yes!  I just realized car shopping might not be a terrible thing!  If we get a nanny, the car can be here, and a nanny can be here, so that means I'll get to go more often.  My husband keeps his for work, that's not a bad thing!

Though I do hate car shopping.  Don't try to sell it to me, I can't drive it.

PrimRoseMama

AnnaK1985 said:

Yes!  I just realized car shopping might not be a terrible thing!  If we get a nanny, the car can be here, and a nanny can be here, so that means I'll get to go more often.  My husband keeps his for work, that's not a bad thing!

Though I do hate car shopping.  Don't try to sell it to me, I can't drive it.

Many times while car shopping the sales person has focused on me rather than my husband. I used to be in retail & while the husband may wield the checkbook (generalized stereotype, I know) the female partner often has the most weight on final sale.

Color, amenities etc. the general belief is that you have to turn the "neck" of the family to convince the head.

They want you to love said car & gush to your husband about why you need to buy it etc. etc. that's often why the salesperson is super slick to females.

AnnaK1985

PrimRoseMama said:

Yes!  I just realized car shopping might not be a terrible thing!  If we get a nanny, the car can be here, and a nanny can be here, so that means I'll get to go more often.  My husband keeps his for work, that's not a bad thing!

Though I do hate car shopping.  Don't try to sell it to me, I can't drive it.

Many times while car shopping the sales person has focused on me rather than my husband. I used to be in retail & while the husband may wield the checkbook (generalized stereotype, I know) the female partner often has the most weight on final sale. Color, amenities etc. the general belief is that you have to turn the "neck" of the family to convince the head. They want you to love said car & gush to your husband about why you need to buy it etc. etc. that's often why the salesperson is super slick to females.

Well that makes sense.  I can't drive, and my husband refuses to get a Beetle because he'd have to drive it, so I don't really give a crap what I'm riding in.  Now that I know this, it kind of makes it very laughable.

PrimRoseMama

@AnnaK1985‌ : same thing happens baby hear shopping. :P

AnnaK1985

PrimRoseMama said:

@AnnaK1985‌ : same thing happens baby hear shopping. :P

I take it everyone does this?  Even cake people?  I need to buy one before tomorrow night, I ruined two myself.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AnnaK1985

TheOrneryMama said:

Don't worry @AnnaK1985‌ we have to go car shopping as well as completely redo the kids rooms (paints jobs, new bed sets, completely new storage system, damn toys). Plus there's the whole going through storage and making a list of what's still needed before the end of January. Now that I just wrote it out I'm starting to overwhelm myself, and this is my 3rd rodeo! So I get what you mean when you don't want to make decisions. You're not the only one, but it has to get done one way or the other lol.

I know it has to get done.  And nobody else can do it but us.  But I'm glad you feel the same, though I didn't mean to overwhelm you!