Am i under-reacting?

fignewt74

Last night we were playing outside with my neighbor's LO, Aiden, who turned 2 in July.  I was watching DS2, and had my back to DS1 and Aiden.  All of a sudden Aiden started crying, and when I turn around he is lying on the sidewalk crying.  I immediately tell DS1 that is not the way we play nicely with our friends and to go inside the house.  He goes in, and I ask my neighbor what happened.  (DS1 is not an aggressive kid at all, so I was pretty confident he didn't hit or push.)  She tells me that DS1 took Aiden's toy and was teasing him with it.

To be honest, I was a little relieved because I didn't think it sounded like a big deal, but when I told DH about it last night he got pretty upset.

I guess I'm not sure if its something that should be addressed further (I did tell DS1 that he needs to be nicer to the little boys, and not to take their toys from them) or to just chalk it up to kids playing...

Background - there is a 4 yo boy on the street who is VERY aggressive (hits, bites DS1, spits on him, etc) and we have been telling DS1 that its okay to stand up for himself, so I don't want to send him mixed messages either (ie.  you have to be nice to everyone)...

Let me know your thoughts...

tamarar5

Since no one saw what happened, I'd just let it go at this point, but probably watch close for the future.

Puck1182

I'm not sure what else you can do, other than tell him that taking toys from other kids isn't acceptable, particularly if this is the first time he's done something like that. I'd say you were underreacting if you just said "kids will be kids" and didn't bother trying to correct the behavior. But I think having a little chat with him about why he has to be nicer to little kids is perfectly appropriate.

Rynleigh

I think it's important to emphasize the empathy to kids. It's over and passed, now, but it might be a good idea to have a short conversation with DS1 about taking advantage of smaller, younger people, and how much that hurts them. Use examples regarding how he would feel if you or DH stole his toys or ripped things out of his hands and didn't care about how he was already playing with it or how much it made him sad. Six years old is more than old enough to understand that concept. Younger children don't understand sharing as well, but they definitely are capable of feeling unheard and disrespected, and they can easily develop a lack of trust, mutual respect, and learn that it is acceptable to use your size or age to exploit others. Six, on the other hand, is old enough to know better and to do better, and to use their actions not to teach their toddler siblings those ideas.