**IF Check In**

megrae12

BFP WARNING!! There is a BFP at the end of this post. Please skip if you having a bad day!!!

This is the weekly check-in for TTCALers who are also dealing with infertility. If you'd like to join us please feel free to intro with your diagnosis and history. We've had a few extra challenges thrown at us, ladies. Come here for snuggles from people who get what you're dealing with. 

Fill us in, along with any other updates or vents you need to get out, TTCAL or NonTTCAL related.

If you get a BFP, please PM me and let me know.  If you do not PM me I will not mention you in the check-in.  If we haven’t heard from you in a few weeks please come back in with an update; or are new and want to join please post a brief intro with your DX and current/future treatment plans and then you'll be added to next week’s check in!  

@rubysi

@Frenchteachermama

@Racheleigh

@king26

@FutureMrsWright2012

@km380

@CandST2014

@O2girl

@Rocks526

@nikiswimr

@bunnybun4

I am sorry for the lack of personal notes this week, ladies. It's been rough one on me. Hopefully next week will be better. 

QOTW: What is the worst thing about IF?

BFP WARNING!! Congrats to @Feegan on her bfp! To protect this safe place, please go to PGAL or PM her your congrats.  

Km380

Hi @megrae12‌ how are you doing? I'm so sorry you're back here

AFM my ultrasound last week showed a cyst on my right ovary so my IVF cycle got pushed back a month. I know that isn't long but I haven't been handling that very well. No more bcp, instead I will start a patch after ovulation. Then start stims after my next AF. Anyone do this before?

QOTW - I think my answer changes week but right now it's watching mh struggle and hurt while everyone around us moves forward

megrae12

Km380 said:

Hi @megrae12‌ how are you doing? I'm so sorry you're back here AFM my ultrasound last week showed a cyst on my right ovary so my IVF cycle got pushed back a month. I know that isn't long but I haven't been handling that very well. No more bcp, instead I will start a patch after ovulation. Then start stims after my next AF. Anyone do this before? QOTW - I think my answer changes week but right now it's watching mh struggle and hurt while everyone around us moves forward

@km380 I am ok. That is about it for now. I am sorry about the cyst. I know that sucks so much. I hate that your cycle got pushed back, that sucks monkey balls. Big ((hugs)) love. 

megrae12

Hey ladies. This week has been rough and horrible. I am sorry it's been so long between check ins. It's been a hot mess in household. On a happy note, MIL is gone!! One less stresser in my life. 

AFM: I got a call from RE yesterday and they want to change my protocol to injectables. I got super panicked at that thought. There is no rest for the weary (or the grieved) in IF and that proved true in my call yesterday. Besides that fact that AF came yesterday, my cramps the night before were so bad, H was ready to pack me up and go to the ER. I couldn't move, and had to take a percocet just to take the edge off. It didn't really work, but that is where I was. I talked to the nurse about it and she said my endo may be coming, enter even more panic. After I got off the phone with her, I was just done. I called H and we talked and have agreed to do natural cycles these next two. I just need some time to find me again. Somewhere along the way, I have lost her and become a shell of a person. 

QOTW: I think the worst thing about IF is the fact that it consumes you. It takes over your life in such a way that you don't realize it until it happens.  

rubysi

@megrae12 Thanks for the check-in. I was rooting for you.Hugs. 

@Km380 I agree with megrae12 it does " suck monkey balls". FX for the next cycle successful ivf. 

AFM : I am still sick and seem to be getting worse...yay. I am going to try to get in to the dr today. I am taking minimum medication because of the 2ww. I have finally started to call out from work... I hate doing this but I am not any use to them right now. 

 QOTW : I hate not having a specific reason. There is nothing known to fix. Hugs to all that need them.

megrae12

rubysi said:

*snip*

AFM : I am still sick and seem to be getting worse...yay. I am going to try to get in to the dr today. I am taking minimum medication because of the 2ww. I have finally started to call out from work... I hate doing this but I am not any use to them right now. 

 QOTW : I hate not having a specific reason. There is nothing known to fix. Hugs to all that need them.

@rubysi I am so sorry you are still sick. I hope you are able to get in the to the doc soon and they can get you fixed up. I am keeping my FX for you this cycle, love. 

Km380

@megrae12 ((((((((hugs))))))

@rubysi I hope you feel better soon! Hope you can get in to see the dr

Frenchteachermama

Hi ladies!!  Thanks for the check-in @megrae12, I am so so sorry hon.  I absolutely hate that this happened.  ((hugs))  I think taking a break can been more healing than jumping into another cycle sometimes.  I hope that the next couple of months are exactly what you need.

@Km380 I'm so sorry that your IVF got pushed back again.  It's always something isn't it?  My transfer has been pushed back twice now and I'm not dealing with it very well either.

@rubysi I'm so sorry you are sick.  I hope you start to feel better soon!!

AFM:  My follow up appointment with my RE is on Monday. FINALLY.  Of course everything with the fluid in my ute went down the day the 95% of the practice returned from a big fertility conference in Hawaii and so all of their schedules are booked until December.  I should be thankful they get me in at all this month.  I just have so many questions about what's going to happen next.  I'm worried that this isn't going to be fixable and I'll have these frozen embryos and no where to put them  I hate that this happened now right before the holidays so everything is going to take so much longer.  I just hope Nov and Dec can be my "figure this out" months and I'll be able to do a transfer in January.  

Out of no where I got the nicest PM from a woman who was lurking on the boards I participate in and saw what's going on.  She is 3 years into what sounds like the exact same situation.  Even though we aren't entirely sure what's going on it's been so nice to talk to someone who has gone through what I'm going through.  I now have a great list of questions for my doctor and feel much more informed.  

((HUGS)) to everyone!

megrae12

Frenchteachermama said:

**snip**

AFM:  My follow up appointment with my RE is on Monday. FINALLY.  Of course everything with the fluid in my ute went down the day the 95% of the practice returned from a big fertility conference in Hawaii and so all of their schedules are booked until December.  I should be thankful they get me in at all this month.  I just have so many questions about what's going to happen next.  I'm worried that this isn't going to be fixable and I'll have these frozen embryos and no where to put them  I hate that this happened now right before the holidays so everything is going to take so much longer.  I just hope Nov and Dec can be my "figure this out" months and I'll be able to do a transfer in January.  

Out of no where I got the nicest PM from a woman who was lurking on the boards I participate in and saw what's going on.  She is 3 years into what sounds like the exact same situation.  Even though we aren't entirely sure what's going on it's been so nice to talk to someone who has gone through what I'm going through.  I now have a great list of questions for my doctor and feel much more informed.  

((HUGS)) to everyone!

@Frenchteachermama I am so sorry about all this crap with your ute. I know that is beyond frustrating. I am happy you are going to see your RE, hopefully he will be able to give you some answers or at least a plan of some kind. I am so glad you found someone who is going through what you are (that sounds really weird). I know that has to be helpful to bounce ideas, symptoms, etc. I am glad she has been a great help to you. ((Hugs)) hun. 

CandST2014

my IUI didn't work. I have the worst period I've ever had in my life. I started my period at day 11. So many things going on. I'm going for a 2nd opinion with another RE in a few weeks. 

Just not a happy past few days . 

bunnybun4

((hugs)) @megrae12.  thinking of you.

i just got back from my day 5 ultrasound and my RE said it was really too early to get a clear picture but he did wish that he saw a little more activity and my lining is thin...he said an ultrasound on Sunday would give us a better picture. 

of course now I am super bummed and freaking out.  i went on my portal and i think I am seeing that he is only counting 4 follies total...i know it's early and I know that I really dont know much about this process but I just feel like things always take a turn for the worst with us.  i'm trying not to be too bummed but having a hard time.

qotw: feeling alone and also having to face the very real reality that you may never get your happy ending after all of this bullshit.

bunnybun4

@km380 - so sorry for the delay...i would be upset too. 

@megrae12 - your post breaks my heart...I am so sorry you are going through all of this.  t's and p's as you take a few cycles naturally and sort things out. 

@rubysi - hope you feel better soon.

@frenchteachermama - hope the time flies by to your appt.  I'm rooting for you!!!

megrae12

CandST2014 said:

my IUI didn't work. I have the worst period I've ever had in my life. I started my period at day 11. So many things going on. I'm going for a 2nd opinion with another RE in a few weeks. 

Just not a happy past few days . 

@CandST2014 I am so sorry about your cycle. I know how that feels. I, too, am having the worst period of my life. I hope your second opinion appointment goes well. 

megrae12

bunnybun4 said:

((hugs)) @megrae12.  thinking of you.

i just got back from my day 5 ultrasound and my RE said it was really too early to get a clear picture but he did wish that he saw a little more activity and my lining is thin...he said an ultrasound on Sunday would give us a better picture. 

of course now I am super bummed and freaking out.  i went on my portal and i think I am seeing that he is only counting 4 follies total...i know it's early and I know that I really dont know much about this process but I just feel like things always take a turn for the worst with us.  i'm trying not to be too bummed but having a hard time.

qotw: feeling alone and also having to face the very real reality that you may never get your happy ending after all of this bullshit.

@bunnybun4 Thanks sweetie. I am so sorry about the crappy news with your lining, etc. I hope your u/s on Sunday will be much better. I, too, hate how you have to face the reality of possibly never getting your happy ending. It's like the world's cruelest joke. Sending so many ((Hugs)) hun. 

Km380

@Frenchteachermama‌ I'm glad you found someone with a similar situation (wait that sounds weird...) I hope the RE can give you answers and a plan.

@bunnybun4‌ I hope Sunday gives you some good news

O2girl

Hi ladies. Big (((((hugs))))) all the way around for everyone because it sounds like everyone could use them.......and I just wanna hug.

AFM:
Nothing new on my end. MH called my RE to get the supply of Lupron that we will need ordered so that just on the off chance my work restructures my insurance and leaves out coverage on my IF drugs......we will already have a stockpile.......and the RE was on board! Sweet! I'll take all the positives I can at this point.

QOTD:
I think the worst part of IF is how it robs me of hope. IF has taken a lot away from me, but losing hope is by far the worst part of it all.

Rachaeleigh

Hi ladies :-)

@megrae12‌ thanks for the check in, but I'm so Damn sorry that you're back here. I commented on 3t but pm if you want to chat more about follistim

@Km380‌ cysts are so frustrating!

@rubysi‌ I hope you start to feel better soon

@Frenchteachermama‌ I'm so glad someone reached out to you and that your appt is coming up

@CandST2014‌ sorry about the bfn :-(

@bunnybun4‌ I'm sorry you seem to be responding slowly :-( I really hope that your ovaries step it up

@O2girl‌ I'm glad that your RE was on board!

AFM, im 2dpiui on our 5th iui, 1st with clomid. At cd 13 us, I had one 17mm and one 12 mm follie. I was to trigger late night on cd 15, for iui on cd early morning cd 17.
I really think that I started to o on cd 15, evenbefore doing the trigger. I really didn't even care, didn't call my RE, nothing.
I'll be interested to see what my 7dpo progesterone is, because it was only 6 on letrozole

Worst thing about IF for me is not having an answer

Rocks526

@megrae12- Thanks for running the check in!

@KM380- Sorry that your IFV got pushed back.

@rubysi-Hope you feel better soon!  It seems like there is something going around.

@frenchteachermama- I'm glad your fluid went down and that you get answers soon.

@CandST2014- Sorry about your IUI.  I hope you get answers soon.  (((Hugs)))

@bunnybun4- I hope your ultrasound goes well on Sunday!

@O2girl- Hope your insurance is restructured.

@Racheleigh- Good luck this cycle.

AFM- There is nothing new going on. I don't have any hope for this cycle. I ovulated from the left and that is the side that is in questions.  Hopefully I can get my HSG scheduled next month.

QOTW- Not being able to have what I want the most in life.

nikiswimr

@megrae12, thanks for the check in, but I'm sorry you're back here to lead it.  I was really rooting for you.  Sorry the week has been such crap.  I'm glad at least your MIL is gone.  One less thing.  And I couldn't agree more, the worst thing about IF is that it consumes you.  

@km80 sorry you're still waiting but wishing you the best of luck with your IVF cycle.  

@rubysi I'm sorry you're still feeling crummy, hopefully it turns the corner soon.  

@Frenchteachermama I hope you get good news and a plan on Monday.  Glad the fluid is gone!

@CandST2014 I'm sorry about the IUI.  I hope your second opinion gives you the answers you need.

@bunnybun4, I hope the ultrasound on Sunday looks better.  

@O2girl.  Glad you have some extra Lupron stashed.  Always good to find a positive in all of this.

@rachaeleigh FX for this IUI!

I'm still hanging in there.  Waiting for my first AF post-loss. I feel if that would just happen I could move on.  I switched REs due to my recent move (needed someone closer) so my appointment with the new doc is on 11/21.  Hoping all my records transferred and we're not reinventing the wheel.  My old RE felt like the next step was Clomid + trigger + IUI.  Curious if that will still be the plan.  

QOTW:  I completely agree with all of these.  For me the worst right now seems to be the fact that wanting a baby supersedes everything else.  No matter what good thing might be going on it's never quite enough because we don't have a baby.  

[Deleted User]

Not much going on here.   We are doing 2 natural cycles.   My appontment with my new RE is in December, even though I've been going to him for monitoring since February, he isn't my primary.  He's an hour closer then my current RE though and with the new insurance I can now see him full time. 

I got what looked like a  positive OPK on Tuesday but now they are negative and my temps haven't gone up.  My cycles have always been like clockwork so it's making me mad.   I'm just ready for 2015 so I can get back to treatment.   I thought having 3 months off would allow me to relax, but I find myself obsessing over what I could be doing treatment wise.

@km380 I hope the patch works for you and it only gets pushed back a month.  I know I told you on another board but I also had a cyst and had to push back my IVF cycle too.  It sucks, but just remember they are trying to give you the best chance they can.

@megrae12 (((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are having a rough time and hope it gets better soon.

@frenchteachermama I hope your appointment goes well and you get some answers.   ((HUGS))

@CandST2014 I'm sorry about the IUI not working.   I hope you get some answers at your second opinion.

@bunnybun4 Hopefully it's just too early to see all the follicles.   I will say they only saw half of the follicles they actually retrieved from me so there's always a chance of more.

QOTW:  IF has caused me to be a person I don't like much.  I'm moody, I have trouble seeing babies, I'm not happy when I find out others are pregnant, and I have only a slim hope each month which really, really sucks.  I've also got so much on my mind everyday about what cycle day it is, what meds I have to take, etc. and it really, really, sucks.

FutureMrsWright2012

@megrae12... I am so sorry to see you back here. I hope the cramping has lessened. Wishing you all the best these next two cycles and hoping that you won't end up needing those injectables after all. Hugs to you.

@Km380... Sorry to hear about your cyst and the delay. I haven't done the patch, but I hope it does what it's supposed to for you to get one step closer. 

@rubysi... Boo for being sick! Hope your doc can recommend something safe to help you feel better.

@Frenchteachermama... I'm glad that you have found someone who has been in your shoes (or that has found you). That really can make such a difference, at least for me. I hope that your RE can come up with a good plan and figure out the best way to get your ute ready for those little embies. Everything's crossed for you.

@CandST2014... Sorry that your IUI was a bust. Hope you're feeling a little better today. GL with your new RE soon. 

@bunnybun4... Did your doc make any adjustments to your meds? Hopefully your ovaries are just slow to warm up and your follies keep increasing with each U/S. 

@O2girl... Hugs to you. Yay for your RE letting you stockpile! 

@Rachaeleigh... Sorry that you think you O'd early. I'll still cross everything and hope that it worked and that this 2WW flies by for you. 

@Rocks526... Sorry and hugs to you. 

@nikiswimr... I'm right there with you about being ready to move forward, but our bodies just won't let us. As weird as it is, hope AF comes soon for you. Also, I hope the new RE is able to provide you with a good plan moving forward. 

@king26... Hooray for new insurance making your RE situation easier on you! I agree that 2015 can't get here fast enough. 

AFM: I'm beyond annoyed to still be bleeding from my loss on Oct. 3rd and even more annoyed with my OB/GYN. Originally, I was told that I can expect to bleed 2-4 weeks. At 4 1/2 weeks, I called the office, since it hasn't stopped, and now am being told that I can bleed up to 6 weeks. I ended up scheduling an U/S for next week anyways. Obviously, I hope that I'm just overreacting and everything is "normal", but I won't be able to relax until I know for sure. 

QOTW: So. Many. Many. Things. Probably the biggest thing for me is the expense. Since we are 100% OOP, I feel so much pressure on me and my body to have a success. The loss of our sweet boy was so devastating, and to know that in order for us to even get that far that we'll have to spend nearly $20,000 with the possibility of the same outcome is intense. We're having to sell our house, move, and my H has quit school so he can return to work full-time to make this happen. Serious serious pressure and guilt. 

megrae12

O2girl said:

Hi ladies. Big (((((hugs))))) all the way around for everyone because it sounds like everyone could use them.......and I just wanna hug. AFM: Nothing new on my end. MH called my RE to get the supply of Lupron that we will need ordered so that just on the off chance my work restructures my insurance and leaves out coverage on my IF drugs......we will already have a stockpile.......and the RE was on board! Sweet! I'll take all the positives I can at this point. QOTD: I think the worst part of IF is how it robs me of hope. IF has taken a lot away from me, but losing hope is by far the worst part of it all.

@O2girl I am glad that your RE was on board for the early supply of Lupron. I can imagine that was a lifesaver. I am sorry that IF has robbed you of hope. It sucks to lose something that is supposed to be so precious. So many ((Hugs)) love. 

megrae12

Rachaeleigh said:

**snip**

 AFM, im 2dpiui on our 5th iui, 1st with clomid. At cd 13 us, I had one 17mm and one 12 mm follie. I was to trigger late night on cd 15, for iui on cd early morning cd 17. I really think that I started to o on cd 15, evenbefore doing the trigger. I really didn't even care, didn't call my RE, nothing. I'll be interested to see what my 7dpo progesterone is, because it was only 6 on letrozole Worst thing about IF for me is not having an answer

@Racheleigh I have my FX for you the cycle. How was clomid for you? I will let you know if I have any questions about Folistim. We are taking a two cycle break b/c I just need it. I hate you don't have an answer. I do think that would be the worst thing ever. ((Hugs)) love. 

megrae12

Rocks526 said:

*snip*

AFM- There is nothing new going on. I don't have any hope for this cycle. I ovulated from the left and that is the side that is in questions.  Hopefully I can get my HSG scheduled next month.

QOTW- Not being able to have what I want the most in life.

@Rocks526 I am sorry you do not have any hope for this cycle. I hope you can get your HSG scheduled soon and hopefully get some clear answers about your left side. ((Hugs)) sweetie. 

megrae12

nikiswimr said:

*snip*

I'm still hanging in there.  Waiting for my first AF post-loss. I feel if that would just happen I could move on.  I switched REs due to my recent move (needed someone closer) so my appointment with the new doc is on 11/21.  Hoping all my records transferred and we're not reinventing the wheel.  My old RE felt like the next step was Clomid + trigger + IUI.  Curious if that will still be the plan.  

QOTW:  I completely agree with all of these.  For me the worst right now seems to be the fact that wanting a baby supersedes everything else.  No matter what good thing might be going on it's never quite enough because we don't have a baby.  

@nikiswimr I am sorry AF still hasn't shown her ugly face. Waiting for her is sometimes worse than anything. When she does show, she will show with a vengeance so be prepared. I hope your new doc will have a clear cut plan laid out for y'all. ((Hugs)) sweetie. I hope AF shows soon. 

megrae12

king26 said:

Not much going on here.   We are doing 2 natural cycles.   My appontment with my new RE is in December, even though I've been going to him for monitoring since February, he isn't my primary.  He's an hour closer then my current RE though and with the new insurance I can now see him full time. 

I got what looked like a  positive OPK on Tuesday but now they are negative and my temps haven't gone up.  My cycles have always been like clockwork so it's making me mad.   I'm just ready for 2015 so I can get back to treatment.   I thought having 3 months off would allow me to relax, but I find myself obsessing over what I could be doing treatment wise.

*snip*

QOTW:  IF has caused me to be a person I don't like much.  I'm moody, I have trouble seeing babies, I'm not happy when I find out others are pregnant, and I have only a slim hope each month which really, really sucks.  I've also got so much on my mind everyday about what cycle day it is, what meds I have to take, etc. and it really, really, sucks.

@king26 I am sorry you are more stressed on the natural cycles than not. We decided to do natural cycles these next two. I hope your new RE will be ready for y'all to start treatments right away. I know that you are anxious for that. I agree with you on how IF changes who you are. I have noticed that about myself as well. It sucks that our first reaction to pregnancy, our cycles, etc. is cynicism. I totally get that, hun. I am here if you anything. ((Hugs)) 

megrae12

FutureMrsWright2012 said:

**snip**

AFM: I'm beyond annoyed to still be bleeding from my loss on Oct. 3rd and even more annoyed with my OB/GYN. Originally, I was told that I can expect to bleed 2-4 weeks. At 4 1/2 weeks, I called the office, since it hasn't stopped, and now am being told that I can bleed up to 6 weeks. I ended up scheduling an U/S for next week anyways. Obviously, I hope that I'm just overreacting and everything is "normal", but I won't be able to relax until I know for sure. 

QOTW: So. Many. Many. Things. Probably the biggest thing for me is the expense. Since we are 100% OOP, I feel so much pressure on me and my body to have a success. The loss of our sweet boy was so devastating, and to know that in order for us to even get that far that we'll have to spend nearly $20,000 with the possibility of the same outcome is intense. We're having to sell our house, move, and my H has quit school so he can return to work full-time to make this happen. Serious serious pressure and guilt. 

@FutrueMrsWright2012 I am so sorry you are still bleeding. I hope that they figure out what is going on. I know that has to be frustrating. I know it's hard, but try not to put pressure on yourself or your body. I realize, that is easier said than done, trust me. I hope you are able to get some answers and a good plan moving forward. ((Hugs)) hun. You have a lot going on so make sure you take some time to breathe. Ok? 

FutureMrsWright2012

megrae12 said:

FutureMrsWright2012 said:

**snip**

AFM: I'm beyond annoyed to still be bleeding from my loss on Oct. 3rd and even more annoyed with my OB/GYN. Originally, I was told that I can expect to bleed 2-4 weeks. At 4 1/2 weeks, I called the office, since it hasn't stopped, and now am being told that I can bleed up to 6 weeks. I ended up scheduling an U/S for next week anyways. Obviously, I hope that I'm just overreacting and everything is "normal", but I won't be able to relax until I know for sure. 

QOTW: So. Many. Many. Things. Probably the biggest thing for me is the expense. Since we are 100% OOP, I feel so much pressure on me and my body to have a success. The loss of our sweet boy was so devastating, and to know that in order for us to even get that far that we'll have to spend nearly $20,000 with the possibility of the same outcome is intense. We're having to sell our house, move, and my H has quit school so he can return to work full-time to make this happen. Serious serious pressure and guilt. 

@FutrueMrsWright2012 I am so sorry you are still bleeding. I hope that they figure out what is going on. I know that has to be frustrating. I know it's hard, but try not to put pressure on yourself or your body. I realize, that is easier said than done, trust me. I hope you are able to get some answers and a good plan moving forward. ((Hugs)) hun. You have a lot going on so make sure you take some time to breathe. Ok? 

Thanks for your kind words and support. I just keep reminding myself that by the end of next week at least I will have an answer to when this will be over with (whether its with meds/D&C/nothing). Emotionally, I finally feel like I'm moving into a better place (as long as there's no one pregnant or with a baby around me)... But still a long road to go. 

Hope you're physically feeling a little better today. Hugs to you too, chica. 

nikiswimr

@futuremrswright2012 I'm sorry things are still so unresolved.  Hoping they find answers for you soon.  The ultrasound sounds like a good idea.  I hear what you're saying on the financial risk putting added stress on each cycle.  It makes each BFN that much more devastating.  

FutureMrsWright2012

Thanks, @nikiswimr. FX that I get stuff figured out soon!