Frustrated with family

bridetobe9132013

So I may just be cranky right now but I am very frustrated with my parents! Every time I see them, I always hear them complain that they never see us, we never invite them over, blah blah blah. I have told them several times that they dont need an invitation, they are always welcome. We went out with them a few weekends ago and in laws watched DD for the night. My mom got offended that she never stays the night with them so I asked if they could keep her this saturday night because we are having friends over. They live 45 minutes away so I asked if they could either pick her up or bring her home. They said no. Its understandable since they are doing us a favor by watching her. It irritates me more that they never bother to come visit us. Why do I always have to take DD to their house?

flockofmoosen3

Sorry you're dealing with that crap. Moms be cray!

My mom lives across the country so we don't hear about this as much as every other f-ing complaint she has...sigh.

bridetobe9132013

My mom is very negative about a lot of things! I went to visit last Thursday and was irritated because she spent half the time sitting on her iPad instead of interacting with LO. As well as, being negative. She was asking about our plans for the holidays. I feel like they get offended if we spend time with my in laws. My older sisters in laws live across the country from us so my parents are the only grandparents in my niece and nephews life. They aren't used to having to share a grandchild.

katekat8721

My family is the same way. I finally told them that it's much harder on me to haul the babies to them than it is for them to come visit the girls. We're also working on a schedule right now so I've had to just explain we're buckling down right now to get things done. When they make comments like "oh I really need to see the girls" and try to guilt trip me I respond "yes, you do why haven't you come visited?"

bridetobe9132013

@katekat8721‌ sorry you are dealing with this too. My mom should know that its easier for her to come to me than for me to take the baby. I just cant imagine telling someone "I want to see your baby, bring him/her to me"

katekat8721

I can't either. It blows my mind, but people are pretty selfish sometimes.  My great aunts threw a fit when I wouldn't take my preterm twins to a family gathering when they were a couple weeks old.  People are cray cray.  You just have to do what's best for your family

bridetobe9132013

Then when I do go visit I hear stupid comments of how I haven't been there in awhile. stfu... I am here now ffs! Thursday I said "well you guys never invite me over" lol they are also constantly trying to get me to move out by them. No! We are happy where we live and its convenient for DH's job. I am a big girl now!

THD7580

Well we are in the same boat. And what's funny is I've heard this from both of my parents who are remarried. Apparently when we were little it was customary that you went to the grandparents house they didn't come to yours very often as both my parents say. And they have said it many times. I think it's BS because I can't always come by. Both my parents live about 15 min from me but I do like for them to come visit also. My mom complains more and says I never come over and bring DS but she's always doing something on the weekend. So I just tell her she needs to come by more if she wants to see him end of story.

bridetobe9132013

Sorry all of you have to deal with this! @becole42 I also hate hearing what my family says about how I parent. They aren't bad anymore but they used to be. I finally told my dad off last week about how im annoyed with the comments about her crying. She used to cry all the time and my parents would make comments all the time about it. It really upset me!

bridetobe9132013

Thats exactly what I said. Like I really want to have my baby crying all the time? Hearing comments about it doesn't help. My mom one time said "you aren't going to make that noise when we watch you, are you?" I mean, I usually have a good sense of humor but dont talk to my baby that way!

bridetobe9132013

Actually, thats alot of the reason why I never took her to see them. Why? So I could sit there and have everyone act annoyed that she was "crying again" because "L and A never cried like that." They are my niece and nephew

bridetobe9132013

Yeah I pretty much felt like a bad mom for awhile

bridetobe9132013

Oh yes @mary97 mil tried telling me she gave her kids real milk starting at like 8 months. Also, she tries telling me to let DD cio. She told me this when she was like a month old though.

flockofmoosen3

My mom also tries to give me "advice" over the phone and I just say yeah-yeah a bunch until we can change the subject. sometimes she's right, but other times...like she gets mad at me for doing tummy time with baby girl because why should I do something that makes baby girl upset?

She also does this thing where she gets mad at my brother or sister (16 and 21 years old and sister still at home) and when she tells me about the problem she says that ALL of her children are awful and make her life miserable and she just wishes she could stop being a parent and go back to her home country because we dont need her or like her...blah blah blah. No thought to how this would make my dad feel if she just left... (he is a really great guy). She tells me this, her daughter. It's not like she doesn't have friends, she just refuses to talk to any of them about this kind of stuff because it's private. So I hear it instead.

So...i will say it again, moms be cray! I hope u can find a way to deal with ur mom's BS. It sucks, but I think it comes down to the work that WE put into the relationship because we know that they are way too old to change bad habits now. And by work I mean pretending they are senile when they say terrible things and moving on.

bridetobe9132013

@flockofmoosen‌ I do mostly try and ignore things! She isnt always negative, just most of the time. Im learning now to just stick up for myself and not let her get to me. Thanks everyone for all your advice and stories that show me im not alone!

bridetobe9132013

So DD stayed the night with my parents Saturday night and I feel like all I heard was complaint after complaint from my mom. The diaper brand we are using apparently sucks and we should use the brand my sister is using, the Valerie on our bibs suck (I know it does but im not buying all new bibs right now), DD moves too much when my parents feed her cereal, just one thing after another. Again with the "you dont trust us" pity party when I tell them things that apply to DD. Its not like I am telling them how to change a diaper. I have told my mom so many times that I trust them. She just seems so insecure. I brought our video monitor over and told them they could use it if they want. They already have a monitor so apparently I think theirs isnt good enough. They also made a joje that it was so we could hack into it and make sure they werent beating her. I told them that I wont bother them but I do like a picture every so often because I miss her. My mom rolled her eyes and made some comment about us wanting proof she was alive or something. I just dont get it! Wtf am I doing wrong to make my mom feel so insecure and feel I dont trust her?

bridetobe9132013

Valcrow, not valerie