STM's- Fibbing

lewispm

I asked this in my other BMB, but I have grown to value you ladies opinions as well and would love to hear from mom's with older kids how you guys handle this. For some background info, my son is almost 2.5 (27 months):

Ok ladies, I need some advice on how you handle fibbing in your house. I know its a normal stage of development and is a sign that the child is practicing his/her imagination, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere and DS's fibs are getting out of hand lately. Yesterday he was crying because I wouldn't give him more candy and MH came in and asked him what was wrong and he said "mommy hit me in the face"! I couldn't believe it. There have been many other instances where he tells me the dogs did bad things when they didn't and he even told me his teacher bit him (which I know is not true). I never know when to believe the little fibber!

How do ya'll handle fibbing in your house? Do you correct them? Do you tell them its not nice to fib/tell stories/lie, etc? Do any of you even have this problem or am I alone in this? Thanks!!

lewispm

RQuinlin said:

We haven't had a lot of it, my DD is 4, but it definitely happens. I always correct her. You have to teach them early that it's not ok to lie, even little fibs. My DD more often lies, because she doesn't want to get in trouble. These situations are hard, because she knows she shouldn't have been doing something and should still get in trouble for it, but she needs to know telling lies gets her in more trouble. What did your H say when he was told you hit him? You and your H have to be united against this. My H would have told my D it wasn't ok to lie about mommy and no she didn't need any candy. Then he probably would have sent her to her room.

MH knew it was obviously a lie. He asked him "are you telling the truth?" and when DS said yes he told him that no, mommy did not hit him and he shouldn't fib. At only 2, though, I don't think the concept of fibbing really gets across. Usually, if I know he is fibbing about something, I say "Are you telling mommy the truth?" And he pretty much always answers yes and then I correct him that no, that did not happen and it's not nice to fib, always tell the truth, etc.. It has been going on for about a month now and most of the time its silly things like telling me he went to the zoo that day when he didn't, but sometimes its things that matter and I'd really like to know that if something bad ever did happen (an adult hit him or something) that he could communicate that to me and at this point I would assume he was making it up since he does so often.

lewispm

Thanks @Rquinlin! In the beginning, I didn't worry about correcting the little fibs like going to the zoo or seeing a lion in the toilet and whatnot, but now that fibbing is becoming a regular occurrence, I've been trying to point them all out, even the little ones, and remind him that its not nice to fib and to always tell the truth. Sometimes he gets pretty adamant about things though and will even cry about it if I try to tell him something didn't really happen. This probably boils down to him lacking the concept of time, like you said, and maybe in his mind he truly thinks he is telling the truth. Maybe I just need to focus on correcting the important ones? I'm at a loss here really. Thanks for the advice though!

I really hope a mom who has gone through this chimes in here!

coleybug13

I take lying or fibbing very seriously in our household. That is one of the highest offenses IMO because honesty is so very important. My son has lied a few times but even when they're small lies like he only took one candy when really he took three or he did his reading homework when really he didn't. I don't want to ever question what he says so he is punished greatly when he does lie. It's because of the principal not the actual crime which I explain every time. A lie is a lie no matter the size. And if he comes forward and tells the truth for something that should be punished he does not get in trouble. I want him, especially in high school years, to always come to me with the truth no matter what it is and know that I'll be there to listen, not to jump to punishment. Because of this, he is honest to a fault now. Even if it's incriminating himself he will tell the truth. I always know that if he says it happened it did 100%. If someone else is getting blamed for something my DS did he will jump in on his own and say he did it.

This doesn't mean that he doesn't listen to what you ask or tell him to do and he absolutely knows that doesn't mean he can do something bad and get away with it as long as he tells the truth. Doing the right thing and telling the truth are both important and he knows this.

I do agree with pp in the fact that when they are that young, saying they saw a lion in the toilet wouldn't classify as a lie IMO but saying that you slapped him in the face is not ok and he should be aware that you can't lie like that. Sorry for the long post!!

kellbell1982

Sorry to lol but my dd told me that her grandma and 94 year old great grandma attacked her with knives and stabbed her all over lol

same1b

I am just a FTM So feel free to ignore but I like how one of my close friends deals with this. The fibbing started when her girl was around 2 too. Instead of punishing her, my friend got her to distinguish between "pretend" and real by making it into a game and gently getting her to tell the difference. So now if she comes rushing in saying she has an owie coz a friend hit her, my friend looks at her and asks her "really? Maybe we should go to the hospital". And the reply is usually "it's only pretend" and a lot of giggles. It's not a lot of moms style but it usually ensures that the truth does get told without fear of recrimination. I think how you deal with it should depend on the age/maturity of the kid too. I can understand some punishment at 4, but can a 2.5 yr old grasp how bad it is?

jpavenski

Not sure if I have any advice on it but a few times over the summer my 3.5 year old son said the same thing about the hitting thing. He said my mom hit him once & she was so mad! We just corrected him & said it's not ok to lie, he said it like 3 times but hasn't done it in awhile. I think at this age every few months they keep shifting behaviors & phases so don't worry too much about it.

JenLa21

I can't believe the creativity in the fibbing coming from a 2.5 year old!! But this does kind of remind me of my younger brother. When he was a toddler he would tell my mom that I (9 years older than him!!!) made messes that he did lol. He always tried placing the blame on someone else. I can't remember how we dealt with it.

But as a nanny, I didn't have to deal with it as much. With most things, the fibs were to be funny and get a reaction. So i would often just give my girl a look and say,"that sounds really silly, did that really happen?" But these fibs are a little worrisome. As you never know what your son might say to his teacher! He's telling you that his teacher bit him, and he told your H that you hit him. He may say something like that to his teacher. My brother actually did do something like that. He told his teacher that my step dad kicked him in the face! That didn't go over well.

I guess my only advice is to tell him that the things he is saying aren't true, and that they can really hurt someone like @wamom said. And try to have a discussion about playing pretend, and accusing people of doing mean or hurtful things.

lewispm

Thanks everyone! this parenting thing is tough and toddlers are such enigmas. I think most of ya'll are right about only correcting the important ones. I am just so blown away by the things he comes up with in his little mind sometimes! He rarely gets into trouble and is pretty well-behaved, but the fibbing seems to be escalating and I'd really like to put an end to it. It's hard disciplining a child that doesn't really understand why he is being disciplined though.

I think I will just stick with explaining why we tell the truth and reiterating that lying about things that can hurt others or get them in trouble is wrong. Hopefully this is a stage and will pass, but if it isn't, then hopefully he will gain some understanding of why its not OK to fib in the coming months. Right now it seems a little over his head, but I talk about it with him anyway. Glad to hear I'm not alone in this though!

lewispm

WAMOM said:

I'm still kind of shocked at the lie he did tell though. Where did he learn that?

I know! Who knows really, maybe he has been reprimanded or heard another child being reprimanded for hitting in the face at daycare? I'm not sure. I know that's where he got the biting lie though because a child in his class has had a biting issue so I'm sure he has witnessed it before.

071115

We haven't had to much fibbing in our house. We always try and set them straight and tell them lieing is wrong.

mamajack86

My nephew started making up stories and lying very young, prob 2.5 as well. He started by playing pretend but no one ever corrected him. Then he'd get mad and say someone hit him or hurt him. My sister said she could tell if it was a lie, because his stories were often exaggerated like "Grammy punched me in the eye" or "Nina broke my arm off". She didn't do much to correct him, now that he's 4 it's not been an issue.

CrystalTrues

I agree with pp about correcting the minor ones like when you went to the zoo, and addressing the major ones in more detail.

Something that we did, when the fibs were more frequent was to read all together and then talk about "the boy who cried wolf". We explained to him why lieing was so bad, that it could hurt people and that it makes people not believe you (like the boy in the story). This has not fully solved our fibbing issues but has helped dramatically.

Eta: typos