Update - Do I have a "difficult" child?

Sep5Bride

I'm so frustrated with parenting right now, and I desperately want to know if this is normal toddler stuff, or if I'm actually raising a difficult child. DD can be so cute and so funny when she wants to be, and when she's in a good mood she's extremely affectionate, but when she's not she can be a bear. Her tantrums are out of this world, and she claims everything she sees as "Mine!" She hits when she's upset and she has started hitting kids at daycare. We do timeouts for hitting, and she sobs uncontrollably the whole time she's in there, and then will bite herself on the arm so there's a mark and show it to me saying, "Owie Mommy" as a way to get sympathy. She doesn't want to be dropped off at daycare, and then she doesn't want to leave daycare when I come to pick her up. She refuses food frequently, wanting instead to eat off of our plates. When I tell her no about anything she throws herself to the ground in a full-blown tantrum. She's been wanting me to hold her all the time, and if I have to put her down to do something she loses it.

I know she hasn't been feeling well the past week and a half (cold, pink eye, double ear infection, possible teething) so this is certainly making things worse, but it's hard not to compare our situation to other kids her age that seem so mild-tempered and easy going. I second guess everything - is it her personality or is it my parenting? Is it that she's in daycare and I'm not home with her? But the other kids at daycare don't throw fits when their parents pick them up or they have to put their jackets on. Seriously, the jacket has been a battle since she was 9 or 10 months old!

I wish I could have a "Super Nanny" type person come observe us and tell me how I should handle these outbursts.

 

RN2011

I think it's just the age that they are in.  I go through all those things with DD.  When we're in the car, if my DH takes her sippy from her when she's done instead of me, you would think we are killing her with the tantrum she throws.  I'm sure you are doing the best you can.  They don't call it the "Terrible Two's" for nothing!  They're just hitting it really early..lol 

I just try to keep things as close to a routine as possible and let her have her meltdowns.  No, you are not eating off our plates, you have your plate.  If you don't eat now then we'll try again at the next meal.  Sometimes DD will not want anyone to look at her when I bring her to my mom's house.  Then there are days that she will run through the door wanting to hug and kiss everyone.

I can't tell you why they're doing it but I can tell you that you are not alone with this.

ReeceFamily

Just want to second what all the PPs said! DD is pretty mellow but we definitely are dealing with tantrums, etc. I join her in some of them and it stops her in her tracks and she generally ends up laughing. I think what others have said re time outs is spot on, as well! Don't despair, sounds like you are just raising a spirited kid, channel that energy for good! I highly recommend the "aha parenting" website for support and ideas on toddler behavior. We're all in the same boat!

Sep5Bride

Thanks, everyone! I will definitely look into your suggestions. I like the idea of joining her in her tantrums, haha, I will definitely try that.

littleheaven

dd has been on my last nerves the last few days....i've been chalking it up to the fact that we've been at my ils for the last few weeks (still working on our house)

she has been fighting sleep like no one's business lately, like not falling asleep until 1130-12 

and the last couple days she's been starting to hit and bite me and pull my hair (only me)

and fighting us when trying to change her...however, i think that's just because she's been going to sleep so late

definitely has me wondering if it's a phase, or if she's a problem child too...she was biting at day care but stopped when they moved her up to the toddler room....but she's good at day care, it's just us

she doesn't listen to us...and she's just a terror sometimes! we've tried everything...being calm and quite and talking to her, we've tried being stern with her...i just don't know...since we're at my ils, there's nowhere to really put her in time out since their house is not child friendly at all...so i don't feel safe just leaving her somewhere....plus i just don't think she'll sit still there long enough

i'm at my wits end and just find myself in tears at night because i'm so tired, and don't know what to do, and 3 months pregnant and we're at my ils....

i'm sure it's just because she's not home and we're out of any routine we had and can't seem to get into any 

we just need to get home...but i can't say i'm entirely sure that things will get better....and it really has me wondering if we will be able to handle 2

she used to be awesome all the time...she's still awesome, but lately....she just won't listen

DCKate

b0710 said:

I think we all have "difficult" children, they're called toddlers haha  

Seriously though, PPs have given some great advice.  I think all of our LOs cycle through phases of behaviors, and it will continue as they grow.  Try your best to keep your cool, and good luck muddling through the parenting world.  I definitely don't think this is an issue of her being in daycare and you not being home, or you being a bad parent.  Imagine being their age and learning about the world while not being able to fully express yourself.  I think that would be overwhelming; hence our LO's multiple personalities from time to time.  Hang in there mama...this too shall pass!

This. We are dealing with the same thing right now at home. Hang in there!

OhBaby+2013

Yep, some days are crazy here! I just keep telling myself it's a phase!

this decaf life

The biggest thing is consistency. They're definitely all a handful at this age but you can help teach them how to respond if they know what the rewards/consequences will be.

DD eats her food, from her plate & it's the same thing DH and I eat. If she doesn't eat because she's just throwing ridiculous tantrums she goes to bed hungry. Usually DH & I finish our food and she'll say "daddy done" "mommy plate empty" things like that and she'll start eating a bit more. Suddenly after we're done she usually shovels a few bites into her mouth like she's ravenous. She still chooses to not eat sometimes but I think it's less of a battle now, if she doesn't want to eat… she just doesn't. We don't try to fight it or make promises about getting dessert or threats that she'll sit at the table until it's all gone. I do sometimes reward her after a good meal with a bit of cracker + peanut butter for dessert but it's just a treat, the lack of treat is never a punishment.

Kids are crazy and DD finds new ways to challenge us all the time but 100% being consistent about as much as I can control makes it so much easier. It might take a week or two to set in but we can almost always notice a less dramatic response to her not getting her way after she gets used to the consequences of throwing a tantrum. 

One of the harder parts for me is to not laugh when she's being ridiculous. I know it just feeds into her recognizing that she's getting attention for being annoying. 

this decaf life

MichieU79 said:

this decaf life said:

The biggest thing is consistency. They're definitely all a handful at this age but you can help teach them how to respond if they know what the rewards/consequences will be.

DD eats her food, from her plate & it's the same thing DH and I eat. If she doesn't eat because she's just throwing ridiculous tantrums she goes to bed hungry. Usually DH & I finish our food and she'll say "daddy done" "mommy plate empty" things like that and she'll start eating a bit more. Suddenly after we're done she usually shovels a few bites into her mouth like she's ravenous. She still chooses to not eat sometimes but I think it's less of a battle now, if she doesn't want to eat… she just doesn't. We don't try to fight it or make promises about getting dessert or threats that she'll sit at the table until it's all gone. I do sometimes reward her after a good meal with a bit of cracker + peanut butter for dessert but it's just a treat, the lack of treat is never a punishment.

Kids are crazy and DD finds new ways to challenge us all the time but 100% being consistent about as much as I can control makes it so much easier. It might take a week or two to set in but we can almost always notice a less dramatic response to her not getting her way after she gets used to the consequences of throwing a tantrum. 

One of the harder parts for me is to not laugh when she's being ridiculous. I know it just feeds into her recognizing that she's getting attention for being annoying. 

Not laughing is a toughie! Jack just started this new thing when he is angry where he throws his arms in the air and the slaps his hands down on his lap, or furniture, or the floor. No idea where he learned that. Neither of us do it. And it is seriously adorable. I laugh. Then I look at his face, and he is so dead serious looking up at me and I feel guilty for not taking him seriously. I am trying so hard not to laugh now. But it's oh so hard.

I laugh a lot and it doesn't take much for me to start laughing so the worst part is I even have to stop myself from laughing when she gets "hurt". I have a hard time not giggling when she like hardly falls over and the next thing you know she's acting like her leg is broken. I'm like "girlfriend, chill" but I'm trying to find some reasonable medium response to this specific type of drama.

Yesterday she was on the swing and she started going "scared, scared" and I couldn't help but want to laugh because only the day before she loved the swing. Kids are so fickle… I don't want to laugh as she learns about the meaning of "scared" but seriously! DD you aren't scared of the swing!

this decaf life

https://www.countrysidemontessori.org/blah-blah-blah-ginger-or-intentional-parenting/ I think this is  pretty good example.

ReeceFamily

this decaf life said:

https://www.countrysidemontessori.org/blah-blah-blah-ginger-or-intentional-parenting/ I think this is  pretty good example.

The photos are awesome.

spainy17

PP with the link - This is exactly what i try to do every day.  It is so hard!  But I really want to choose my words carefully and take consistent actions so that she knows what to expect from Mommy when.  That was a good post!

Sep5Bride

I feel like I need to post an update, because now that my daughter is healthy again, she has been really awesome all week! I don't think we're in the clear of tantrums yet, but it's such a relief to be past those couple weeks of the grumpies!

spainy17

awww poor baby just felt crappy!  Glad you have come though the crud!!!