Dealing with anxiety over LO's development

djtippietoes

So this happens to me every few weeks - I start freaking out that LO is developmentally behind.  With our background (funky bloodwork during pregnancy, genetic testing at 4 months), I just can't shake this feeling that something could be wrong.  Something that wasn't detected on any blood tests.  So I scrutinize his development and I think he's a little bit behind.  He's one of the older F14 babies, but he can't get into a seated position by himself (though he can sit for extended amounts of time if I put him into a seated position), he's not really pulling up, doesn't always respond to his name. 

I just don't know how much of my worry is general anxiety and how much is mother's intuition.  It doesn't help that DH blows me off every time.  I'm just venting here, I guess, but am I going to deal with this for his whole life?  And how can I make the anxiety go away?

djtippietoes

@njb750 I probably should have been more specific in my original post.  We did the genetic testing months ago.  We had a microarray which came back normal and we met with a geneticist who looked him over and said that nothing really stuck out to him as being wrong.  But it's just always in the back of my mind that there is something there that wouldn't show up on a microarray that the genetic just didn't see.  

Codypup

Hugs, DJ. I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit when it comes to how scared you guys were back when you underwent the genetic testing. That was a scary, scary thing, and I completely, 100% understand how and why you might have lingering worries. Even though you got an all-clear from the doctors, the entire experience was somewhat traumatic, ya know? 

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. I know I'd feel the exact same way.

As far as what to do, mother's instinct vs. paranoia...I personally always feel better if I take action. (Like the time I took W to the pedi for a non-existent ear infection? I felt dumb afterward, but calmer because I had at least done SOMEthing.) Would you be open to discussing your concerns with your pedi? They're probably unfounded as every baby develops differently, but maybe hearing that from a professional would help your anxiety. 

You could also ask to be referred to a developmental pedi if it would help your peace of mind. I'm so sorry you're experiencing anxiety -- I know all too well how much anxiety sucks. 

((hugs))

NoelMarieFrey

First things first, hugs to you! I can understand and I too share the same feelings over LO! So please don't ever feel alone. It's makes you nervous, and worried! Please email me if you would like to talk because I'm exactly where you are.

For what it's worth, DD Doesn't sit herself up, or pull herself up on anything, but she too can sit on her own as long as I put her in that position. And Cadence doesn't respond to her name either, but I'm trying not to stress too much. She just started getting up on all fours and moving forwards or backwards on her belly.

I know it's hard because we see babies here and out around us that may be doing things much more advanced. When I came back I was amazed to hear that some little ones were even walking with help of objects. But if you're worried, it won't hurt to talk to your pedi about it. When it comes to our LO's it never hurts to ask.

Again, I'm here if you need to talk.

djtippietoes

Thanks everyone.  We had our 9 month appointment like three weeks early because he had to go in to make sure he was okay to have anesthesia for his tear duct surgery.  At that time, the pedi asked if he was pulling up and I said no.  He then asked if he was putting weight on his legs and I said yes and he seemed fine with that answer.  I think he might feel sort of bad for putting us through the wringer with the genetic testing and is now taking a wait and see approach to everything.

I will bring it up at our next appointment though.  It's also hard because every time I bring it up with DH, he will say something to the effect of, "The geneticist said there was nothing to worry about.  You are not going to find something online that a geneticist wouldn't know about."  which is true, but doesn't help because I feel like some of my concerns could be valid.

We have a neighbor who is 2 weeks younger than A and he is constantly meeting milestones before him and that's really hard for me.  

Karlamo

If it makes you feel better have Early Intervention come out and do an assessment. You can do self referral so no need for a dr's order. It's state funded so if there is something found its 100% free for you. We had R assessed. They check cognitive and physical developmental milestones. It was very informative.
Also for what it's worth, I've been amazed how one day R is not doing something then literally the next day he learns a new skill. Its definitely on their own timeframe.
It's almost impossible to not worry as a parent. Just playing devils advocate though. It may be good to have a husband like yours to even out things out. Sometimes two anxious mamas are too much!

MamaHollywood27

(((Hugs))) and basically what everyone else said. It's a stressful thing to feel like Something is off and you just can't put your finger on it but know that it's a positive thing that you're paying attention. I have learned through all five my kids that each kid developed at their own pace, I had one early Walker at nine months and one late Walker at like 13 months. And all of them were born at the same developmental age of 35 weeks so I really think it's just babies do what babies want to do when they're going to do them. This little one is one of our older babies to be born the first week of January so I try not to compare with other February babies because some are doing more than him and some are doing less.

We are here for you and for what it's worth I think your lil one is perfect

spicysurro

Sending you (((hugs))). Id definitely get either a second opinion or be a bit more aggressive when speaking to your pediatrician and getting another assessment done even if its just to ease your anxiety. Im so sorry you are having to go through this.

Iznik

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I am right there with you! I've had constant concerns about LO's development because it always seems like younger babies are doing more than her. Our new pedi suggested EI and they came out and evaluated LO. They said she's fine in everything but gross motor. There, actually, she doesn't meet their 20% delay requirement (because her sitting was so good), but she still qualifies for treatment because they've classed her development as "atypical." They've been coming out to do PT once a week and I think LO is starting to improve. FWIW, they suspect that my LO will be "normal," but that she just needs a little PT to get her caught up.

I highly recommend giving EI a call -- it's free and doesn't require physician referral in most states.

TessyMessy

I don't have any experience with baby developmental time lines but I have plenty of with anxiety. (((Hugs))) It can be difficult to determine if you are experiencing a mother's instinct or just anxiety. I have had both. The best thing to do is what pp said and get an evaluation and see what happens. Regardless of the outcome you will gain more insight into LO'S development and knowledge is a great tool for combating anxiety.

djtippietoes

I think I'll mention it to the pedi and see what he says.  DH makes me feel like I'm borrowing trouble with this but he doesn't really know anything about when babies are supposed to do certain things and always blames A's lack of certain abilities on being small, which I don't think is valid.

djtippietoes

I took the test that @greenbunny79‌ posted too. Lo was not with me so I had to guess. He basically got in the gray area for everything. So nothing technically behind but nothing advanced either.

I made an appt with the pedi. Apparently his well visit at 8 months wasn't supposed to take the place of his 9 month visit. Oops.

djtippietoes

Guess who was sitting up in his crib? Not exactly what I wanted at 3 am, but given my worry about his lack of ability, I'll take it!

Codypup

djtippietoes said:

Guess who was sitting up in his crib? Not exactly what I wanted at 3 am, but given my worry about his lack of ability, I'll take it!

LOL @ your LO. Great news! I'm sure you feel reassured at least a little bit.