Not an intro yet but a question *losses mentioned*

christia10

I was on this board a long time ago. I had previous losses but all very early. Lost my baby boy yesterday at 20 weeks. He was born alive and then he died.

For those of you who have had later loss when was it okay to TTC again? In the past I have waited a while but I don't know I will this time. Please don't judge me. I don't know why I feel this way and I grieve deeply I know there is no replacing him but I really want to try again and not wait months on end.

mflowers929

I think this is really a question between your doctor, your partner, and yourself. Obviously wait the recommended time by your doctor, and then when you feel ready.

I'm sorry for your loss, and when you're ready, we're here.

christia10

@greeneyes842 yes we have had genetic counseling, chromosome screenings, uterus dye tests, endometriosis, PCOS, autoimmune etc. All came back normal. Our son though small was healthy and perfect. Just small.

rslh10

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Big ((hugs)) to you.

That being said, no one on this board is going to tell you to go against your dr's orders. Ever. I think once you speak with him/her about when you're cleared, you can move forward from there. Again, so many giant hugs to you.

meredithcarole

I have no other advice, but I am terribly sorry for your loss.

little_kate

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your son... Your doctor can best advise you about trying again. I have had a late term loss, 39 weeks, and was advised to wait at least 6 months. I would assume you would not need to wait as long as I did, but you definitely want to give yourself time to physically replenish, and heal emotionally. 

uromys

I am so terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little boy. My heart goes out to you. Be gentle on yourself. Lots of T&Ps!

brielise414

So sorry for your loss. I would talk to your dr and just make sure you've taken time to heal emotionally as well. Having a late loss is very difficult. Make sure both you and your partner are on the same page as to when you want to start TTC.

sunflwra

I'm so sorry for your losses.  As others have said, go with what your doctor says. I had a loss at 15 weeks and 20 weeks and it was recommended that we wait 3 cycles before TTC again both times. Take care of yourself.

gscoville

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to heal and find peace through such a terrible time. Please keep in mind all that your body has been through, a birth is so much more physically involved than an early loss, and as such I can't see a doctor recommending to TTC again before at least the minimum 6 weeks women are usually told to wait just to have sex post partum. I understand the desperate need to be pregnant again, but too many on this board can tell you how utterly devastating back to back losses are and I can't imagine you'd want to put yourself at such a risk by TTC too early. Please allow your body and mind/heart the time needed to heal.

christia10

Thanks ladies! As stated I was on here before but hopefully long before many of you (I say that as I pray most have moved on). I am not trying to be a "drive by" and will most definitely be more active in a bit but wanted to put a Q out there. My DH and I are so sick of "wait times" even after chemical pregnancies. I guess thAg sounds stupid. We are not necessarily trying to go against medical advice although I will say one of my doctors in the past after an early MC said 6 months...ummmm no!!!! Sorry I just won't again. My doc is pretty reasonable and I doubt she'd say that long. I guess I just want an idea of what to expect so I can be emotionally "ready". If there ever was such a thing. This last one was a surprise after we "gave up" and were pursuing adoptjon believe it or not.
It sounds so cliche that I could throat punch myself hahA!

Nikolie93

So much good advice already given so I don't have anything to add. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this happened to you.

PinkCamino

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a 20 weeks loss and was told to wait 6 months. You really really really need to listen to your doctor. By 20 weeks the body has already undergone so many changes, you need time to heal emotionally and physically.

schuebja

I think the other ladies covered it, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

christia10

@pinkcamino I hope my doc doesn't say 6 months...all my other losses were with previous doctors so I really don't know her like that. Also I have never made it this far. Curious after seeing your signature I am curious have you ever had a cerclage (sp) done? My doc says if I get past first trimester again we may do it.

PinkCamino

christia10 said:

@pinkcamino I hope my doc doesn't say 6 months...all my other losses were with previous doctors so I really don't know her like that. Also I have never made it this far. Curious after seeing your signature I am curious have you ever had a cerclage (sp) done? My doc says if I get past first trimester again we may do it.

:-?

I've never gotten far enough in another pregnancy, so no.

PinkCamino

I'm saying this again because it's so important: YOU NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR DOCTORS ORDERS.

My IC was actually attributed to something else, namely a uterine septum that I only found out about after another loss. There is testing you can ask for to rule out a uterine anomaly as the cause. Risking another early loss or a later one because of not asking for correct testing or jumping back into TTC when your body is not ready is really not okay.

I totally get the need to TTC right away. I was in the same situation 2 years ago - all I wanted to do was burn the bench and get pregnant right away. I know it sucks, I know waiting and not doing anything sucks but you really really really need to listen to your doctor.

christia10

I am not trying to go against a Dx but I just was trying to figure out what to maybe expect from my doc...

PinkCamino

christia10 said:

I was on this board a long time ago. I had previous losses but all very early. Lost my baby boy yesterday at 20 weeks. He was born alive and then he died. For those of you who have had later loss when was it okay to TTC again? In the past I have waited a while but I don't know I will this time. Please don't judge me. I don't know why I feel this way and I grieve deeply I know there is no replacing him but I really want to try again and not wait months on end.

:-??

christia10

PinkCamino said:

christia10 said:

I was on this board a long time ago. I had previous losses but all very early. Lost my baby boy yesterday at 20 weeks. He was born alive and then he died. For those of you who have had later loss when was it okay to TTC again? In the past I have waited a while but I don't know I will this time. Please don't judge me. I don't know why I feel this way and I grieve deeply I know there is no replacing him but I really want to try again and not wait months on end.

:-??

To clarify I am referring to times when DH and I chose to take time off after early losses. He also traveled (my DH) which made it hard to TTC. I plan on waiting the minimum most. at any rate just trying to see what to expect from doc not start a debate. I am dreading if I hear 6 months and hoping for less (like 2 normal cycles or something). But I honestly have no idea....in my early losses one doc said 3 months, and my RE said one cycle (normal cycle)

rmpar29

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I had a D&E at 22 weeks and my doctor told me to wait just one normal cycle.  However, I think giving birth may warrant more time.  You certainly have to wait until your betas go to 0 and your body is ready.  This is definitely a conversation you need to have with your doctor. 

PinkCamino

OP, how are you feeling today? Have you been released from the hospital?