Shyness

Ya Never Know

I'm looking for advice on how to help DD not be so shy. She has always been pretty shy, but now seemingly more than ever.

She isn't really shy with other children, but she is terribly shy with grown ups. I can understand any reaction with strangers, but even with her grandparents (that she sees all the time) she will hide, get down on the floor and "hide" her face (if I can't see you, you can't see me), and sometimes depending on her mood, she will just full out melt-down. Generally, any of this behavior lasts about 10 minutes and then she warms up to people, but I'm just wondering if there's more I could be doing to help her get used to people a little more easily.

ELF4321

Some people just need time to get comfortable and gain their confidence, even in familiar settings and with familiar people. I think drawing attention to it will only make her feel worse because she may begin to feel that she is disappointing you by not behaving in a certain way.  I was painfully shy as a child (and still have to force myself to be outgoing as an adult), and I can tell you that the more I felt pressured to be outgoing, the more insecure and introverted I became.   

emberlee3

My DS was really, really shy between ages 1-3.  He started to come out of his shell a bit after age 3.  He is 5 yo now.  He is mildly shy, but his social skills are otherwise age-appropriate.  He enjoys playing with peers and bonds easily with new teachers, coaches, etc.  I don't think you have anything to worry about.  Just give her the space/time she needs to warm up.  Model appropriate social interaction.  Give her lots of opportunities to socialize with adults and children. 

Ya Never Know

Thanks for the advice. I don't think shyness is anything to be cured either, as I myself am also shy. It just seemed to be getting worse. She would start screaming before her grandparents even got through the front door.

I did some research and a few sources suggested not using the word "shy" around DD. We've never forced DD to be social or reprimanded her if she wasn't ready to interact with someone, but we would tell the person that she was being "shy". I think DD would hear the word and then act that way because we were saying it. So we stopped. She still takes time to warm up to people, but since we stopped saying that word, it's been significantly quicker for her to come out of her shell and there haven't been any outbursts.

We also figured out that she's getting her 2 year molars, which have made her behavior in general just terrible. She was pushing other kids at daycare, screaming at everyone around her, and that type of behavior just isn't her usual. We've been giving her Advil for the last 2 days, and she is completely back to her usual self all around. I totally forgot about how miserable teething has always been for her.

fusionbride

Ya Never Know said:

I did some research and a few sources suggested not using the word "shy" around DD. We've never forced DD to be social or reprimanded her if she wasn't ready to interact with someone, but we would tell the person that she was being "shy". I think DD would hear the word and then act that way because we were saying it. So we stopped. She still takes time to warm up to people, but since we stopped saying that word, it's been significantly quicker for her to come out of her shell and there haven't been any outbursts.

This is fantastic advice-- I totally agree.

<3 Matt

My 3yo boy does the same thing you mentioned, did it again today!  :-)

He's pretty good with grandparents but acts shy with strangers.  Plays great at parks, etc. with other kids but in certain situations that he doesn't feel comfortable with he'll do the same thing!  I just thought it was his personality, my older son is extremely outgoing!!  I did notice that he will be more outgoing and comfortable when he's with his older brother. 

Each child is different.  :-)