My child won't stop biting at daycare! I'm going to loose my mind.

NYMOM101511

She's 19 months old, and so good at home but right now their are no other children around, so she has everything to herself.  At daycare, they tell me if a child is playing with a toy she wants, she'll take it,  or she'll bite them, hit them or pull their hair.  When they first told me I was shocked, because she doesn't act like this way at home, at all,  no aggression, but like I said,  i guess it's completely different when children are around. 

My husband and I have had long talks, read her all these books "teeth are not used for biting", or "hands are not used for hitting", etc.  

so far this is the second week.  I just hope it ends soon.  She is my first, so this is all new for me, and i'm having my second in april. 

NYMOM101511

the ratio is 4 children to every adult.  They always pull her aside and speak with her and give her a time out when necessary, they also have all of these books their as well.  The daycare is actually very nice about it and told me it's a phase, but she just wants to let me know that it's happening.  I guess i just feel horrible for the other children she is hurting,  and the fact that she is so young she doesn't really understand.  

She actually does have a pacifier, but when she goes to daycare she doesn't use but maybe i should rethink that.  

Thank you all for your feedback, really helps a lot!

SunAndRain

I just posted in a other thread about my experience with DD. She did all these things for MONTHS. Lasted beyond her first birthday. We and her school were consistent with our approach: talking, time outs, showing her how to use nice hands. Bottom line: it wasn't working.

One day she bit me hard and I slapped her arm hard enough to get her attention.  The shocked look on her face...priceless. She cried. I told her we don't bite and immediately put her in time out.  She cried more.  After that the incidents dropped dramatically.

That aside, I don't know what to say about the pacifier.  Seems like that is trading one undesirable habit for another.  But DD never took to pacifiers so I can't relate to them as a parenting tool I guess.  I agree that redirecting is appropriate.  But at some point they need to learn to consciously control their impulses and to understand that certain actions are simply not right (versus just taking their mind off of them).

emberlee3

There is a nice summary on the Zero to Three website about how to deal with toddlers biting. It is normal, and it will not stop overnight. If your daughter is teething or craves oral sensory input, a pacifier or teether may help. There are lots of other good ideas on that site.

TheBorg7of9

My dS1 was a biter. I honestly think there's not much that will fix it. After about 6 months of it, we put him with a nanny because we were getting called to pick him up about once a week. He outgrew it a couple months later.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Mustardseed2007

RE: Hitting - gross.

RE: Aggressive toddler constructive suggestions:

DS went through a hitting phase though not a biting one and we were getting daily reports home. The teachers weren't overly concerned about it either (they were addressing it but knew it was a phase), but were keeping us informed and were handling it with redirection also and taught him "gentle hands". He eventually lessened the behavior though it did take a while.

I want to make this point: it felt like nothing we said or did made any difference at all. What really has an impact is 1) what the adults standing there do immediately after the undesirable behavior, 2) your toddler growing older and getting more mature.

Obviously you can't just let it go and you have to do your best to support the teachers at home. On that front, it sounds to me like you are doing all you can do. I like the pacifier suggestion b/c it gives her something to do with her mouth, but I don't have experience with that specifically. Paci's wouldn't be allowed at our school b/c it's Montessori but we did use them at home even when DC didn't allow them and I have no issue with them as a parent.

Beyond that, keep trucking, keep communicating with her teachers, and eventually as she gets older the desirable behaviors you are trying to instill will take root. It's just something that takes time.

fitmom82

I know you don't have other children at home, but do you get her around other child often?  I'd think it would be easier to help discipline or redirect her and teacher her appropriate behavior if you're there when the behavior happens.  Maybe get her in a Gymboree class, get out to the park or mall play area.  

I have never had a biter, so I don't really get the pacifier solution.   Does the pacifier have to be in the child's mouth all the time so that if the child goes to bit she's delayed and hopefully forgets about bitting?  I don't think at 19 months hitting is necessary, I've heard of throwing water in the child's face which accomplishes the same shock value, without the pain.  I get how easy it is to judge hitting.  My DD has always been a handful.  We've tried time outs, positive reinforcement, behavior charts, everything.  Around the time she turned 4 she had hit me a few times and I was sick of it.  When ever she hit me, without a converstation because she knew she was wrong, I turned her around and gave her a few spanks.  I only had to do it 2 or 3 times before neither of us has been hit again.  It may not be the ideal form of discipline, but for some children that's what works.

SunAndRain

No I was not advocating hitting but sharing my story of how challenging it was to get dd to stop biting. It worked after several months of consistent talks and time outs. Maybe if I had stuck a pacifier in her mouth it would have solved the problem too.

Judging me based on a single post? Telling me to eff off and saying eff you to me? Calling me disgusting? Seriously? Off what planet of perfect parenting did you step?

[Deleted User]

I come from the planet Dont Hit.